Vulnerable
by Rose Riku
Summary: COMPLETE. Fluff. Au. Yaoi. "If Axel never decided to stop by my house, I wouldn't be here today. He has saved me in so many ways... and I'm only realizing now that I think I love him. I think I've always loved him. Why did I never see it before?"
1. Chapter One

**You guys must hate me. I haven't written anything in _weeks_. And as for Promises of Summer - no, I'm not gonna ditch it. I just really don't FEEL like working on it right now. Everytime I try to right up a new chapter for it, I just delete it. It's not sounding good. Most of the problem is because I kept winging the whole story and I didn't really plan any of it so it's just a plotless mess. But I won't desert you.**

**In the meantime, I have _this_ AkuRoku love story to keep you happy. It's another angst-y one. Sorry, guys. But it has much more of a plot so I bet it will be better. It will be somewhat short I assume. Yeah, it's a chapter fic but it won't drag on forever. PLUS there will be a verse from a different song for each chapter! Sound fun? I think it is! Speaking of songs, the ENTIRE THEME SONG for this story is Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade. Please listen. (:**

**Everything is in Roxas's POV. Just to clarify.**

**DISCLAIMER: Tetsuya Nomura owns a bunch of very sexy boys. I am very jealous.**

**WARNING: Mature themes. Yaoi. Violence. Angst. Swearing. Blah, blah. It's rated T because I still think it's appropriate for teens. There's no lemons or anything. No gore. So we're good. XD**

**Please review. Tell me how you like it. I like to know what people are feeling about the stuff I write and if it should be continued. And yes, POS will come back someday. XD AND EVERYONE WHO REVIEWS WILL GET THEIR NAMES PUT UP IN THE BEGINNING OF MY NEXT CHAPTER. Heehee.**

**I'll shut up now.**

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_"Where are you?_

_And I'm so sorry._

_I cannot sleep. _

_I cannot dream tonight."_

**Vulnerable **

**Chapter One**

Riku never used to be violent. He never would have dreamed of hurting anyone. He was someone who once stopped his car, causing a line of traffic, just so he could jump out and save a turtle in the middle of the road. If a mouse was in our apartment, he was someone who would catch it in a box and then bring it out into the woods. That's the person Riku was.

But Riku changed. He changed the second he got a phone call from his mom at one in the morning. I remember that night. I remember it so well.

Riku's ringing cell phone had woken us both up. I saw him reaching for it. He was so tired that he seemed more asleep than awake. When I looked over at the digital clock that was next to our bed and saw the time, I was suddenly very alert. Someone calling in the middle of the night could never be something good.

"Hello?" He asked, groggy as he opened up his phone.

I heard a frantic mumble from the other end. A woman's voice. And I saw his eyes slowly get wide as he began to sit straight up in bed.

Then I saw his facial features change. The worry, the sadness, and eventually twisted into something so dark that it made my heart stop. A look came over his face so strikingly frightening that it chilled me from the core. And it never went away.

The next few things that happened that night were kind of a blur in my mind. But they were what started the _real_ story. Because if they didn't happen, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't be who I am now. I wouldn't _know_ the things I know now.

I waited patiently as Riku flipped his phone shut. That miserable look was etched into every centimeter of his face. He just stared straight ahead for what felt like hours. I waited for him to talk, but I was too scared.

So I reached out and touched his arm. One little touch. Just four of my fingertips gently set against the skin of his upper arm. And he turned a cold face towards me. A face I never saw before.

"Don't touch me." He muttered.

"What happened?" I asked softly, searching for an answer in his eyes.

"Don't touch me." He repeated slightly louder.

I squeezed his arm, mistaking his command for just being a tired, touchy, upset comment.

And then he flung me off of him, off the bed. "I said don't _fucking_ touch me."

I remember sitting on the floor next to the bed for about three hours that night. I just sat there and stared at the ground. Riku had abruptly left the room after doing what he did. He didn't come back until the morning where he pretended that absolutely nothing happened between us, and I learned that his brother Kadaj had died.

I thought it would be just that one time. He was upset and confused, so I let it go very easily. But then just a day later there was a second time. And not after long there was a third. Then before I knew it - I had lost count. It was just something that had become part of my life. Many times I had thought of running, of telling someone, and of fighting back. I never did any of those things. I had an apartment that I shared with him. I was in college. I had a job. I had money. I had a _life_. I didn't want any of that taken away from me. I was scared.

What I didn't think about then was that Riku _was_ taking away my life. He took away two years of it. I will always remember the final time I let him hurt me. I probably would have put up with it for a lot longer, if someone didn't happen to be around at the right time.

His fist slammed into my jaw with a force that seemed against nature. I heard a sick cracking sound and the pain that erupted through my body then made me want to throw up. But I didn't make a noise. I felt myself bounce back against the wall before I lost my balance and just fell over, catching myself on the hardwood floor with my bare hands.

"Where the fuck were you?" I heard him holler.

All I could look at were his shoes that happened to be right in front of my face. I let out a breath.

"I was only ten minutes late." I heard myself whimper. It hurt to move my mouth when I talked. "I was stuck in traffic."

"Bull_shit_." Riku hissed, before kicking me in the side.

I groaned.

"Stop whining!" He ordered. Before kicking me again.

I felt the familiar tears in my eyes. They always came. Not just because I was in excruciating pain, but because I missed Riku. In my head - I thought of Riku as dead. I thought of him as gone forever. The guy I once loved was no longer inside the monster that he had become.

I rolled over onto my back and just looked up at the ceiling. I started to count the white tiles.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5...

"What the fuck are you doing?" Another kick to my side.

6, 7, 8, 9, 10...

"I'm so sick of your shit!" A hiss. A harder kick to the side of my arm that had me wincing.

11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20...

Several kicks followed as I continued to count the tiles on the ceiling of our living room.

"Say something!" He yelled, with one last painful kick. I could feel the tears sliding down my swollen, aching jaw.

"Seventy." I whispered.

"What?!" He asked, bewildered.

"There's exactly seventy tiles on our ceiling." I told him.

I'm not sure why I said that. I could have said anything. But he did say to say _something _and it was the first thing that had come to mind.

Riku was quiet for a moment. I thought he was just going to leave the apartment like he usually did after one of his episodes. But instead, he spoke softly. "Stand up."

So I did. I stood up. I'm not sure why I hoped or thought that he was about to apologize for the first time in his life. But I did.

As I stood, I realize my entire body ached. It was sore in so many places that I was afraid to move a single muscle.

"Roxas…" My name sounded weird from his lips. He shut his eyes for a moment and I braced myself for an apology.

And then I saw his jaw clench.

Before I knew it, I was being slammed against the wall - hard. My body felt like it was shattering and I cried out. He punched both sides of my face over and over while yelling, "You think you're fucking hilarious? I'll show you hilarious!"

Then he shoved his knee into my stomach, knocking the wind out of me, before grabbing my neck and dragging me higher and higher up the wall.

I saw black in front of my eyes. I was wiggling even though most of my body didn't seem to want to cooperate with me. I tried clawing at his hand but nothing was working. I was dying. He was killing me. And he was laughing the whole time.

I was unable to breathe, and I started feeling hazy. His laughter seemed quieter and my pain seemed duller. All I was aware of was my heart that was beating slower and slower. I could hear it in my skull.

And then I heard something else.

Police sirens.

"Fuck!" Shrieked Riku as he dropped me to the ground with a thud. I didn't will myself to move.

Then I saw him dash for the back door - just leaving me there while the front door swung open. "What's going on?" Shouted some guy I didn't know. He was a cop, I knew. His gun was out but I still felt like I was in a dream or something. The minute he saw me he dashed to me, and another cop came running into our house as well.

They both started shouting a bunch of stuff at each other. It was all one giant ramble to me. Then the one that had come in first started asking me questions. "Are you okay? Can you stand? An ambulance is coming, is that okay? Where did Riku go? Is anyone else hurt?"

I wasn't sure what he wanted me to answer first. I just huffed. "I'm fine. Riku's gone." As I informed him of those two things, I realized he had already known who Riku was. That meant someone had called and told him our names. It was someone who knew us personally.

"Can you tell me who called you?" I heard myself talk softly. My jaw ached, my head ached, my throat ached - and I was exhausted.

"Confidential." He told me with a sad nod.

"Was it Axel?" I asked him, trying on my victim innocence. "I'm not mad." I said.

I actually wasn't sure if I was mad or not. Axel was my best friend and I had never told him about how Riku treated me. All the bruises Axel saw had an excuse to go with them. He was the only person I could feel normal around and I didn't want that to go away. I knew if I told him about it, he would get all 'Big Concerned Brother' on me and things would change drastically between us.

But it could have been a neighbor. How else would Axel know what was going on _at that moment_?

The cop hesitated. "Yes." He sighed. "He told us he was stopping by to see you, when he heard it all. He was smart and decided to not interfere himself but to let us handle it."

I licked my lips and it sent another sharp pain through my jaw bone. I wondered if Axel was mad. That was the only thing I thought about, which was probably really stupid. But I knew I couldn't handle someone else getting mad at me.

I never replied to the cop. All I said was that Riku went out the back door - not caring anymore. Then he ran off with his little cop buddies after telling me that the ambulance would get me soon.

I stared straight ahead lifelessly for an eternity. I wonder where Axel had went after he called. I wonder how much he'd heard. It pained me in the weirdest way to imagine him standing in front of our door while listening to my shouts of pain and Riku's constant cussing.

Time passed slowly and I started wishing I would die. I was in so much pain that I wished Riku had choked me to death so it would all be gone. I will never forget feeling like that. Feeling so worthless and pointless that death seems the only cure.

But the sirens eventually came and before I knew it I had guys lifting me onto a stretcher and dragging me into the back of an ambulance.

I was probed and poked and people constantly asked me, "Does it hurt here? Here? Here? Here?"

Of course it hurt there. I hurt everywhere. On the outside _and_ the inside.

The hazy dream feeling never went away, and it soon lead to me falling asleep. Or falling unconscious. I'm not quite sure what it was. But I blacked out up until the part where I was laying in a hospital gown on a hospital bed, with Axel looking half-dead and sitting next to me.

I just looked right up at him and blinked. I had no words. He was pale and stricken. He seemed like he was shaking a little as he let out a sigh. "God…" He whispered, choking a bit on that one word. "You're okay. They thought you might go into a coma."

His eyes were filled with tears, but he wasn't crying. He fidgeted a little but his face looked completely relieved.

I opened my mouth to talk, but it sent a shocking pain to ripple through my jaw and neck. I whined.

"D-don't try to talk, Roxas." Stuttered Axel. I had never seen him so freaked out. He was usually the one knocking someone out, making someone cry. Not in the way Riku did it but in the way a college tough-guy would do it.

The redhead swallowed so hard I could hear it. I wanted nothing more than to tell him I was fine. But I wasn't even sure if I was fine.

"If you're mad at me for calling the pigs, I'm sorry." He muttered to the perfectly white floor in the perfectly white room. "I didn't know what else to do."

"I'm not mm-" I started to say, forgetting about the pain for only a second. "Mad." I finished quickly, wincing.

Axel licked his lips and swallowed hard again. He closed his eyes for a second - really tight. As if he could shut them hard enough so that they could erase the image before him.

When he opened them, he just looked and looked at me. Like he was in disbelief that I was still there or something. He reached out and very, very, gently touched my neck. I could hardly feel it - his touch was so light.

"That bastard left his entire hand print." He whispered to no one in particular it seemed.

I swallowed and it hurt. I heard myself make another weird noise.

"Listen…" He said, turning his face towards mine. "Riku's on the run. But they're gonna get him. Only so many places you can go without a car. He's not gonna hurt you ever again. In the meantime, I'm gonna get a nurse in here and leave you alone for the night while I go get all your stuff and dump it in my place. Then you're bunking with me, once they let you leave here tomorrow, okay?"

I sighed. Everything was happening so fast. Like dominos. One thing after another. I just nodded. I had no reason to protest.

"You gonna be okay, buddy?" Asked Axel, sounding genuinely concerned.

I nodded again.

As he turned towards the door, I spoke up. "I'm sorry."

He looked at me with a question on his face.

"I'm sorry I never told you." My voice sounded weird once it left my lips.

My best friend closed his eyes tight again. "I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner." And then without checking for my reaction, he left.

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**Ew. Emo. XD**

**Yeaah, my song picks are kind of a personal thing in my head. They may not make sense to you. This chapter's song was I Miss You by Blink 182. If you'd really like to know why I chose it just ask or PM me. I'm too lazy right now. **

**So please review. I should have another chapter up when I have the time. Maybe pretty soon. I have a strong need to get this story OUT. XD**

**ILY!**

**Xox Rose Riku**


	2. Chapter Two

**Back for chapter deux. Few things I'd like to go over…**

**So. My summary is a piece of crap. Sorry. Also, when I write I tend to make things very mushy and cheesy and corny… like Sheppard's Pie without the meat. Bwahahha! -shot- Ahem. So take note of that. It's just how I roll. I love corny. (:**

**And also… the songs. Don't pay too much attention to them. Everyone looks at songs in different ways. I just felt like I needed a soundtrack with this. And as a special treat, once this story is over I will upload an FST to a website so everyone can download the songs after! Sound fun? I think so.**

**AND ONE MORE THING - I am not a Riku hater. I love Riku… almost as much as Roxas and Axel. Riku is beauty. Just look at my name. I used him as the wife beater (lol) because I like Roxas with Riku when he's not with Axel. Just like I like Saix with Axel when he's not with Roxas. So there. **

**-ramble, rant-**

**Okay, the reviewer thanking will be at the bottom. So please review so you can see YOUR name on here. Heehee. **

**And away we go.**

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"_And the tears come streaming down your face…_

_When you lose something you can't replace…_

_When you love someone but it goes to waste…_

_Could it be worse?"_

**Chapter Two.**

I didn't sleep the entire night I was in the hospital. I was on massive pain killers and I felt drowsy, but I just couldn't fall into slumber. Every time I started to doze off - I would basically have nightmares. I figured it was just the combination of drastic changes, being in pain, being on medical drugs, being scared, being near death, being afraid, worrying about everything, and just being forced to sleep in an unfamiliar place.

I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen next. I had the sensation that you get when you are in the middle of reading a really, really good and yet frightening story and then it just ends - leaving you wondering what will happen until the next book comes out.

I felt like that all night.

Occasionally I would try touching my neck and my jaw. They felt disconnected from my body. They were warm and swollen. I wondered what I looked like but I also really _didn't_ want to know.

My eyes felt like they were burning through the course of the night. I couldn't even cry. Everything was just sore and I didn't have the energy to move. The nurse told me that I didn't have any broken bones, but I did have some bruised bones, bruised tissue, some severe internal bleeding, and a bunch of other little things that could easily be taken care of blah, blah, blah. She also told me it would be painful for me to swallow or talk for the next couple of weeks because of how damaged the tissue and muscles in my neck were. But it would heal, she said. Yeah, maybe they would heal. But I knew the pain would always be there. In some way. I wouldn't be able to forget any of it. Ever. I would always be damaged.

The nurse also informed me that I should look into getting a therapist. She said I didn't have to do it immediately - but that I definitely should. She didn't push me any further though with that statement. She didn't wait for me to respond, and for that I was thankful. Because I really didn't know if a therapist would help me or just make things worse. But as I went over the prospect of that idea - I realized maybe it _would _help me.

I never imagined myself in a position where I would need a therapist. It wasn't uncommon for people to have them but that was always how it was in my mind - _other_ people. Not me. I didn't know until that night in the hospital how naïve I had been my entire life.

Basically from eight to midnight, I stared at the clock, thought about things, dozed off, and then did it all over again. The hospital was eerily quiet. I had my own room and it was settled in complete darkness. The only thing lit up was the numbers on the digital clock.

It was exactly twelve oh six when something else in the room lit up - attached with a little buzzing sound. My cell phone was sitting next to my bed, I vaguely remembered Axel telling me it had been in my pants pocket and that I should keep it near me to call him if I needed.

I leaned over, feeling a dull throb in my arm to reach for the phone. When I picked it up and flipped it open I felt almost blinded by the sudden strong light. The screen said "1 NEW MSG" so I clicked the green button.

_I just have this funny feeling that you're not sleeping right now. Everything ok?_ From: Axel at 12:07 pm.

I had to smile. He knew me so well.

_How'd u guess? Everything's fine. _I replied. It took me a bit longer to text than usual. My hands felt stiff and my entire body just seemed to be working slow.

After about sixty seconds my phone vibrated in my hand. _I know you better than you know you. (: And that's good, btw I got your car and most of your shit at my place. I can get you tomorrow at ten in the morning if that sounds cool to you._

I bit my lip when I read this. I couldn't believe I was moving in with Axel. I couldn't believe everything was changing so much. _Thank you, Axel_. Was all I said.

_Don't worry about it. Try to sleep, ok?_ He responded after a few seconds.

It kind of pissed me off at first - the way Axel was suddenly all over-protective. It was exactly what I didn't want to happen. It felt like he was being overly nice just because he felt bad for me and it sucked. _I'll try_. _Nite. _

He didn't text me back after that.

So for the remainder of the night, I went through the same routine as I did before Axel texted me. And before long, the sun was shining through my window and I could hear things going on outside my door.

Throughout the morning I had conversations with nurses and a doctor eventually came in to tell me what I had to do, how much rest I needed - blah, blah, blah - and we discussed my payment method before he finally said I could get dressed and wait until Axel came to get me. It was such a relief.

I was sore and throbbing almost everywhere, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle. My face didn't even look _as_ bad as I thought it would when I finally got to look in a mirror. My jaw was a little discolored and puffy, and my neck had a light purple handprint on it - but I didn't look like a monster or anything. I pretty much just had lots of purple, brown, and yellow bruises covering me. It wasn't attractive, but it wasn't horrifying.

Around nine-thirty I sent Axel a text. _I'm all set. They told me to just wait in my room until you showed._

After a few minutes he replied. _Got it. I'll leave now. C U soon. (:_

Twenty minutes after he sent me the text - he was walking right into my room. I had been sitting on the bed, staring at my feet for no reason. And I don't know why, but I didn't even look up at him. I just kept on staring at my old Converse that I happened to be wearing when Riku… well, when Riku had his episode.

I heard Axel's combat boots thumping on the tiled floor as he made his way over to me. One of his hands caught under my chin gently and tilted my head up. It hurt a little, but not enough for me to say anything.

"You okay?" He asked in such a way that it sounded like he was probing me with his voice - seeing where I hurt.

"Yeah." I answered. It didn't hurt to talk much at that point.

"You look better." He told me, moving his hand away from me. His voice was still eerily gentle and I had that pang of annoyance that he just felt bad for me. "But…" He added, "You didn't sleep at all last night, did you?"

"Heh." Was all that came out of my mouth.

"It's okay. Neither did I." He smiled a little. After a moment or two of silence passed, he looked funny at me again. "You sure you okay?"

"I just think… these pain killers are making me loopy or something." I chuckled but it sounded so fake that it was almost funny. I stood up and slid my phone that had been sitting on the bed next to me into my pocket.

Axel studied me for a minute. I saw him look at each and every bruise that was visible before glancing back up at my face. "You sure you're okay to leave?"

I rolled my eyes at him. And moved around him and towards the door. "Of course." I huffed.

"Hey…" My best friend came up behind me and touched my arm. "Don't get all pissy. I was asking a simple question. Sorry if I actually give a damn about you unlike your Goddamn boyfriend." It was harsh words, but came out of his mouth much less harsh than I assume he intended.

Axel was just one of those people who lost his temper easily. He had been like that ever since I met him. But it was in the Donald Duck way, not the Riku way. Usually when Axel got mad it was funny. But in that moment, I felt like I would never laugh again.

"Ex-boyfriend." I corrected him with a straight face.

I heard the red head next to me swallow. "Whatever." He sighed. "My point _is_… you don't need to be getting mad at _me_, Roxas. I'm just trying to help."

My hand was on the doorknob. I wanted to just turn it so I could get the hell out of the tiny white room that was way too clean and giving me claustrophobia. But I didn't want Axel and me quarreling for the day. I knew both of us were completely on edge. At first I thought it was just me, but the tension was coming off of Axel quite a bit.

In all honesty, neither of us knew what was happening. I knew that in the back of my mind. We were males after all - we weren't good at processing seriously emotional things. My gayness didn't even help the fact that I was 100% male. And the male species first instinct to do when they're stressed - is to fight.

And maybe that explained some things about Riku.

But I didn't want to argue with Axel. So I turned my head towards him and I apologized. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just--"

"It's okay." He said quietly, cutting me off. I was grateful.

I squeezed my fingers around the doorknob more before finally opening it. The air in the hallway felt much less stale and the thing that came to my mind first was, _I'm free!_

We walked down to the front desk quietly, where I informed someone that I was ready to go. One of the nurses babbled some pointless crap to me that I'd already heard countless times: "Get your rest, come back if something seems wrong, feel free to call, take your Tylenol, if it swells - use a warm cloth…"

"I know, I know." I said impatiently.

She flashed me a half-smile. "And did Dr. Harp go over with you about what to do if you get headaches, nightmares, nausea, dizziness, trouble breathing, burning chests, or muscle cramps?"

I blinked. She spoke like she was reading something off a list. "Uh… come back?" I hadn't remembered him talking about _nightmares_ in that group of unpleasant problems. But I reminded myself that it was probably just something that I went through last night for a one time only thing. Besides, who didn't get nightmares once in a while?

"Yes. Come back immediately." The lady grinned at me, as if expecting to see me real soon. "Victims from abuse really need to pay attention to those symptoms."

"Can I go now?" I was practically begging, ignoring her last sentence.

"Yes. Have a nice day." The nurse nodded her head at us before turning her attention away completely.

I didn't hesitate. I practically ran out the door, smiling wide when the warm sun hit my skin.

Axel chuckled as he slowly followed behind me. "You would think you've spent the night in jail."

"That about sums it up." I flashed my smile at him.

Axel and I jumped in his truck. It was a big, old clunky thing but Axel loved it, and so did I. It was cherry red but you wouldn't know that with all the caked on mud that he was too lazy to clean off. I suggested taking it through a car wash many times - but he never seemed to want to.

My best friend and I never buckled. He turned his car on roughly and then let it sit in park for a minute while he seemed to be looking me over. It was an awkward feeling - I pretended not to notice.

"Roxas, I can tell even more in this light that you look exhausted."

"You would be too." I told him bitterly, while looking straight ahead.

He sighed a long, heavy sigh before pulling out of the parking spot hastily and driving off without another word.

We were pretty quiet as we traveled down the road. I could feel that the car was going at least ten more than the speed limit, but I said nothing.

Soon enough, we were in his driveway. I saw my car parked near the curb.

"See? I didn't crash it when I brought it here." He laughed.

It choked me up a little seeing my car there. I would never see it in my old driveway ever again. I wouldn't come home every night and drop my key in a little bowl that always sat on the tiny table on the right side of the door way when I walked in. I sighed.

I put my hand on the handle of the door, ready to get out. I had this strange hollow feeling flooding my body. I started spacing out on the dashboard, waiting to hear Axel open his door first.

I'm not even sure if I blinked for the entire time we sat in his parked car quietly. My eyes burned, but I didn't move a muscle. I was mentally and physically tired. The lack of sleep from the night in the hospital was hitting me hard.

But then I felt the lightest touch to my shoulder. It startled me so bad that I literally slammed myself into the car door. I could hear my pulse racing in my ears and I felt a violent surge of panic.

"Whoa. Rox. Sorry." The redhead next to me laughed, while pulling his hand away. His face looked stunned.

"Uh. M-my bad. You just jumped me." I stuttered. I never stuttered. I scrambled to get the door open. My racing heart was starting to calm down. But I felt a heavy blush on my cheeks for acting so stupid.

I slumped against his car - feeling like going to sleep right where I was.

"Roxas…" My best friend positioned himself directly in front of me. I could tell he was trying to make eye contact. It annoyed me. But I eventually gave in.

He blinked. He looked like he was going to say something, but change his mind last minute. "You really need to sleep." He said.

I looked down. I did want to sleep. But I also felt like I never would be able to.

"I brought basically everything. It's all kind of shoved in bags and boxes and hurled in my living room - but it's all there." He grinned at me.

"I'm sorry." I blurted.

He cocked his head to the side, looking confused. "For… what?" I heard the keys he held in his left hand jingle as he played with them.

"I don't know. The whole… mess. I-" A sudden flash of Riku dragging me up the wall entered my mind. It stopped me mid-sentence. But as soon as it was there… it was gone.

"What is it?" Axel asked me; searching my face and looking panicky.

"Oh. Um. Nothing. What was I saying?" I pushed the hair that was sticking to my forehead up.

"You… need food and sleep. Come on." He tugged on my upper arm and dragged me into his house.

The second we walked in I saw an array of boxes and bags - all my stuff. I didn't own much so it wasn't too horrible.

I looked down at my outfit. I had taken a shower at the hospital but my clothes were a mess.

My red-headed friend smirked and nodded to a clear trash bag that had my most familiar clothes in it.

After changing into a t-shirt and sweatpants - I felt a whole lot better. I wasn't wearing the clothes from 'the mess' anymore. Axel informed me he was making us frozen pizza. It was like old times in high school when him and I used to just sit around in my house while my folks were at work. We would watch MTV and eat countless frozen pizzas.

I plopped myself down on the couch. His living room was simple. It wasn't really decorated. It just had a mirror and a lamp. There was a long brown couch put directly in the center of the room - and across from it was a TV and a couple of game systems. Besides my bags and boxes - there was nothing on the brown carpet.

If you just looked at Axel you would think he was a messy guy - one with pizza boxes and beer bottles everywhere. You would think he wasn't smart. You would think he worked at some place horrible like a gas station. You would think he had no real education. Probably a high school dropout. You also would probably assume he's been in jail at least once.

You wouldn't know that he actually liked to keep everything ridiculously neat. You wouldn't imagine that he was a talented and successful artist. You wouldn't know that he really didn't like the taste of alcohol. You wouldn't believe that he got a master's degree in art and that he taught four different art classes at a high school nearby where he had his own perfect little apartment in a nice neighborhood.

Just because he loves punk-styled clothes, and his clunky old car, and sometimes got into fights or smoked a cigarette did _not_ mean he wasn't intelligent or nice. Axel just danced to a different beat. I'd learned that _years_ ago and had become completely accustomed to how he lived. But sometimes I would be reminded of his funny personality.

Just as I was thinking about him, he dropped himself next to me. "You can sleep for a bit, y'know."

I shook my head. "If I slept a little now, I'll be up all night."

"Oh. Gotcha." He smiled. He reached up to push his own hair back and I saw his thin, pale fingers peaking out of the sleeve of his bulky black hoodie.

"So I can start looking for an apartment tomorrow…" I started to say before he gave me the dirtiest look.

"No. Why can't you stay here? At least for a while? Do you just not want to?" His face looked pleading.

"Uh, well…" I glanced at all my boxes and bags on the floor. "I mean I should have no problem getting an apartment, Axel." I worked at the library to pay my bills.

"We can set the living room up differently. You can use that closet over there that's suppose to be for storage." He nodded to the door by the bathroom. "Or since I have a huge bedroom that practically takes up half the house, we could just share it. Or you could take the whole thing or… whatever you want."

Two things crossed my mind. The first one was that I was annoyed with him for treating me like a baby again, and the other was that I should laugh because sometimes I think Axel forgot I was gay. A straight guy should not invite his gay best friend to share a room with him. It could end badly. I tried not to laugh at that.

I never felt self-conscious about being gay. Axel and I had been friends for so long and when he found out he didn't really seem to be too concerned. He accepted it as if I had told him I had blonde hair and blue eyes - it was just a fact to him. But sometimes I did have my urges - which could get frustrating. I had moments where I would completely just want to kiss him - sometimes even worse. They were usually just hormonal moments though, that would pass by. He was straight, and to me that was as good as being a girl.

"No need to make it so complicated." I chuckled.

"Maybe at least until you finish college?" He asked me. "I mean… it would be fun. I shared a dorm with Demyx the whole time I was in college and I loved having a roomie. It would be nice to have one again." He winked.

I was in my third year of college. Axel had _just_ completed grad school the year before. He was six years older than me. But it didn't even seem weird. He and I had known each other our whole lives.

"Fine." I said. "But I'm paying half the bills, and if you want me to get the fuck out, then you have to promise to tell me immediately." I grinned.

"You don't have to pay-" He started to say.

"THAT'S MY DEAL." I talked over him. "GOING ONCE…"

"Alright, alright! Fine." Axel laughed. The tattoos on his face seemed to jump up whenever he smiled.

"Good." I grinned. "And I can just stay on your wonderful couch that I've grown accustomed to my whole life."

The red-head chuckled. The brown couch was something he took with him from his parent's house. When we were younger and I spent the night I would usually sleep on it.

His eyes widened suddenly. "Oh crap. I'm gonna burn the damn pizza!" My friend burst out laughing as he dashed to the kitchen.

Needless to say, the two of us ended up eating slightly burned pizza for lunch. We thought it was pretty funny for some odd reason. And we ate the whole large… as usual.

"Roxas…" Axel said abruptly after he put our plates away. He sat on the couch next to me and gave me a look that bore into me.

"What?" I asked, concerned.

"Can you just… explain to me… what's been going on? Exactly?"

I frowned. I knew what he meant. He wanted to know about Riku. He wanted to know why. But I didn't want to talk about it.

"No." I answered, my voice sounding harsh.

He looked straight ahead and I saw him shut his eyes tightly. He opened them again. His voice came out almost silent. "Do you know what it was like… to stand there and hear all of that?"

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"I thought I was going to burst in there and kill him, Roxas. I never felt like that before. I thought I was going to end up a murderer by the end of the night." His tone was serious and scary. He wasn't exaggerating. "That was why I called the cops. If I went in there - I would have _killed_ him."

I didn't know what to think. I mean… I didn't want Riku dead. I didn't hate him that much. He was an asshole, yes. But I felt bad for him. His life changed so much when Kadaj died. His parents stopped talking to him. He started to flunk out of school. His dreams just started dying out like stars, and I saw the Riku I used to love die.

I grimaced. I hated feeling sorry for him.

I was so grateful for having Axel. He really did seem to care about me. I know I would have felt the same if I heard someone screaming and trying to kill _him_… actually I couldn't even imagine it.

Suddenly I realized he was looking at me intently. A bit too intently. I almost opened my mouth to ask, "What?" But he started to talk again in the soft, almost inaudible voice. "You don't have to talk about anything, Rox. I know it's gotta be Hell for you right now…" He reached his hand out, and used his sleeve to wipe my face.

I felt stupid when I realized I was crying.

"I'm sor-" My words caught in my throat. I tried not to let out a pathetic sob.

"No. I didn't mean to ask. That was retarded." He sounded angry with himself. He moved his sleeve-covered hand over to my other cheek. I didn't turn away.

"Axel." I said letting out a breath. "You have a right to know. You're my best friend. And I haven't been telling you anything."

"Why not?" He asked, shaking his head at me. "I mean… Have I given you a reason not to trust me or something?" He looked hurt.

"No. No, Axel. Of course not." I sighed. "I just… I guess I… I don't _know_."

He moved his hand up a little, pushing some hair out of my face. He looked at me expectantly.

"Hanging out with you was the only time I felt normal. If I told you… I was afraid you'd start acting all different and I would never feel normal again." It was true. And with his hand resting on my head like it was - proved that guess correct even more. I just wanted to act like an idiot with him again.

"We can't always act like we're in high school, Rox." He told me with a half-smile. He was sort of stroking my hair now. Sort of. "And things started being different even without you telling me. You stopped laughing, you stopped your obsession with photography, you stopped being witty… all you really did was obsess over homework."

I blinked.

"Maybe you didn't notice. But I did. And you were really flinchy… you still are. You never really made new friends. You used to be so social. You just don't realize how much you've changed since you first started college." Axel informed me. "Sometimes I used to think you were changing _because_ of college. And sometimes I miss you, Roxas."

It's really sad when someone says "I miss you" and you're sitting right there.

I never really thought Riku changed me. I thought maybe he made me more aware of things - but I never saw that much in me change. Especially my photography. I had actually forgotten how much I loved it until Axel spoke of it again. I wondered why I actually stopped.

Then I remembered.

"One time…" I was just above a whisper. "Riku and I were having one of our 'good weeks' and… I was out taking pictures for my photography course…" I heard my voice trail off. I started back up again. I looked at the floor. I didn't want to see Axel's face. "I guess I forgot to do something I said I'd do… I can't even remember what it was. Pick up something at a store or whatever…"

Axel's hand dropped to my shoulder and slid down my arm until his hand was covering my hand. I tried to not pay so much attention to his little acts of comfort.

"I was oblivious to his anger. I skipped right in there and showed him the new pictures on my camera. I was only at the third one when he knocked it right out of my hand." I felt the tears prickling my eyes again.

"The display screen went black as soon as it hit the floor. It was broken. He told me it was a stupid thing to be wasting time on… when I could be doing more important things." _Then he punched me in the cheekbone and it was purple for a whole week_. I didn't add.

His removed his hand from mine and brought it back up to my face - touching my jaw tenderly and running over the tender spot on my neck.

We looked at each other for a moment then, and I started to spill out everything. It was like word vomit. All of the stuff that was making me sick was leaving my body. Almost everything. I didn't go into graphic detail of our fights. I told him about the first night with Kadaj up to the last night - the time he overheard. I couldn't believe it was only yesterday at the time. I told him every little thing that I thought about when Riku was having an episode. I told him I was confused about everything. I told him I was scared. I told him I still felt sorry for Riku.

By the time I finished my endless babble, I was sobbing. I was breaking down. Axel didn't say a word the whole time - he just listed intently. "I'm such a Goddamn wreck." I muttered as I slid my face into my hands. My jaw felt sore from the pressure. "I want this to all go away."

I felt his arms slide around me and pull me into him. Once my face collided in his hoodie, I really couldn't stifle my sobs. His arms wrapped tightly around me and it wasn't awkward like I would have assumed it to be. I finally felt safe. I felt protected. I no longer felt vulnerable. I felt like nothing could hurt me again. My eyes were closed, but the darkness was comforting. All I could feel was the wet, sticky tears on my face and the warm hoodie that smelled so familiar as I buried my nose into it. I could only hear my muffled sobs until Axel spoke into my hair.

"Everything's gonna be okay Roxas. I promise. He's not gonna hurt you ever again. No one will. We're gonna fix this… and everything will be normal again." One of his hands ran lightly up my back, I knew he was consciously trying not to come in contact with my sides because of the bad bruises.

Nothing was said for a long time after that. We just sat there. I didn't feel like pulling away and he didn't push me. My sobs turned into tiny hiccups and I began to feel a lot more relaxed. I was so used to feeling tense and on guard - that I hadn't even realized it until I truly let my muscles relax. His fingertips moved in circles on my shoulder blade.

And even though it was early afternoon, I felt like I hadn't slept in my entire life and so I gave in - disregarding the fact that I was clinging to Axel, I let sleep take me.

* * *

**Hmm. Long. Corny. XD**

**After playing Days - I started seeing Axel as intelligent and caring unlike everyone who sees him as horny and playful and stupid. Thought I'd point that out. (:**

**Yes. I haven't forgotten you, reviewers: **Payge, NinjaSheik, BloodieMondei, r3tro Roxel (ily), ValindaBlade, , DarkAngelGrl22567 (ILY), and love-less emo neko. **If I have forgotten you - please yell at me. KTHX! XD**

**So today's song is FIX YOU by COLDPLAY! Love it. **

**Reviewww and I will love you forever and put your name on the next chapter.**

**Xox Rose**


	3. Chapter Three

**Hey again ladies and gents. Sorry for the long wait. It's hard and very stupid working on two AkuRoku chapter fics at once. LOL. **

**This story is just something that's been resting in my head. I want it out. Which is why I'm doing this.**

**If you guys haven't figured out already… I'm a sucker for drama. I can't get enough of it in my stories. Oi. I apologize in advance for soap opera moments.**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated!**

**Song for this chapter? Pictures of You by The Last Goodnight.**

* * *

_"__Pictures of you, pictures of me_

_Hung up on your wall for the world to see._

_Pictures of you, pictures of me…_

_Remind us all of what we used to be._

_Confess to me every secret moment,_

_Every stolen promise you believe._

_Confess to me all that lies between us -_

_All that lies between you and me."_

**Chapter Three.**

I felt his hands around my neck. They were getting tighter and tighter…

I shot up, my eyes stinging. There was no Riku in sight. All I saw was Axel's living room. It was dark except for a sliver of light that was coming from his bedroom door. I could hear myself panting. I noticed there was a warm blanket draped over me, and when I turned I saw a pillow with the indent of my head in it.

It was another nightmare. One of the first that were soon to follow. It felt so real. It was like reliving a bad memory. I felt exhausted even though I assumed I had been sleeping for hours. My head throbbed, my jaw throbbed, my throat throbbed, my sides throbbed - I was aching everywhere.

But nothing ached more than my heart.

I couldn't wipe the images of Riku out of my head. There were countless times over the past two years where he'd hurt me… but I still couldn't believe he laughed as he held me up to the wall - squeezing the life out of me.

I heard a little whine come from my mouth.

I felt sweat on my forehead as I put my fingertips to my temple, shutting my eyes tightly.

"You alright?" I heard a quiet voice.

When I opened my eyes I saw Axel standing in his doorway. He had on a baggy white shirt splattered in paint and he had a brush in his hand. His room also served as his 'studio'.

I couldn't speak so instead I just nodded. But he knew me better and walked over to me, perching on the arm of the couch.

"What time is it?" I asked him.

"Eleven-something."

"Wow." I groaned inwardly. I had slept the day away.

"You were tired." The red-head shrugged, sensing my tension.

I threw the blanket off of me and turned so that my feet were on the floor, I sunk back against the couch and sighed.

"Wanna come see what I'm working on?" He grinned at me, wiggling his eyebrows in a joking way. I smiled at him.

"Sure."

Axel's room smelled strongly of paint. It always had and always will. It was what _he_ smelled like. All the time. No matter what. Paint.

What I saw on his easel that night was absolutely breathtaking.

It was a withering, wilting red rose with a sun shining down on it. The picture didn't make sense. But you could tell it meant something. The colors and blending were striking. I'd seen so many paintings of his, but that one stood out so much.

"This… is probably the best thing you've ever done." I said honestly.

"It's not even finished yet, Rox." He sounded amused.

I sat on the corner of his bed and watched him work for a little bit after that.

Axel looked so focused and content as he worked. I'm not sure how long I sat there mesmerized by him but eventually he spoke up without turning around. "You're the only person I actually feel comfortable with watching me." He chuckled.

I smiled at him but his back was towards me. I stood up off his bed. "Sorry, I'll stop bugging you." I walked over to the door.

"You're not bugging me." He turned and smiled at me, his paintbrush dangled between his index finger and his thumb.

"I have some unpacking to do anyway."

* * *

I sat on Axel's living room floor for about an hour, rummaging through my stuff. I found a box that I hadn't seen in a while - it had probably been stuffed in my closet and forgotten. It was taped up pretty good, but once I got through it I saw pictures. Tons and _tons_ of pictures. As well as a few notes.

The first thing I picked up was a picture of Axel and I the day before he headed off to college. He was nineteen. I was thirteen. You could see the obvious age gap. Not like now. Now when people looked at us they saw two friends in their twenties. It's weird how time works like that.

I could see Axel's mom, Tifa, in the background, doing something at the stove. I think the person who took the picture was _my_ mom. It was how Axel and I ever came to be such close friends. We grew up together. Our parents were inseparable. Best friends their whole lives.

His parents were devastated when my mom died.

I was sixteen. Axel was twenty-two, his last year of college had just started and he gave up his classes for a week, just because 'he figured I needed someone'. I thought it was sweet. Especially because I wasn't even that close to my mom, and he knew that. But he made sure he was there for me anyway.

My dad and twin brother though? They ended up taking off. Going to a whole new place. They wanted to forget. My uncle Vincent had to come in and watch over me until I moved out because I refused to leave. I never really kept in touch with my family after I graduated. I occasionally talked to Ven on the computer, but I was never close to my relatives.

Riku and I had been dating since I was fourteen, so I was with him when she passed. He was sweet about it too. He bought me a lot of things and took me to a lot of places, made love to me the nights he came over. He always tried to distract me, I think. He told me he couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose his mom or his brother. How did he know Kadaj would die just a few years later after speaking those words?

I sighed. I hated how things always had to change.

I picked up another picture. This was one was my senior prom. Riku and I with our friends Tidus and Yuna. It was a candid, and everyone was laughing in it. Everyone except me. Why wasn't I laughing? I looked like I was thinking about something. I didn't look sad, exactly, just kind of…

Bored? Did I look bored at my senior prom?

Weird. I could barely remember that night. I remember thinking that it wasn't as fun as it could have been.

I shrugged it off, not wanting to look at a brighter, happier Riku. I tossed that picture aside and picked up another.

It was just Axel in this photo. I remember it was his twenty-first birthday. I remembered taking it. It was when I first started really getting into photography. He was holding up the pastels I bought him, a huge grin on his face. I saw something white on his nose, and I remembered it was the icing from his cake. I was fifteen, so young then. But I had lots of fun that day, I could recall every bit of it.

The next picture I studied was when I was fourteen. Riku was kissing me on the cheek. Yuna was next to me, giggling. I think Axel had taken the picture. I suddenly got enraged and ripped it in half, immediately going to the next photo in the stack.

Axel, Demyx, and I. The last picture I think that got taken before I packed the box up. Axel and Demyx were making stupid faces (completely tipsy) while I looked a little uncomfortable. It was when I was invited to a college party that Demyx had thrown, and I was obviously the youngest there - a freshman in high school. I guessed it was about a month before Riku and I became an item, so he wasn't there.

"Hey, Axe-" I called.

"Hmm?" I heard his voice from the other room.

"What ever happened to Demyx? You still talk to him?" I was curious.

It was silent for a few seconds, and he came out of his room.

"Uh…" He answered, sounding taken back. "Why?"

I held the picture over my head so he could look at it. "Just curious. You used to hang out with him _all_ the time. Now I don't ever see him or hear about him from you."

"What is all this?" Axel asked, kneeling next to the box and me. He was ignoring the question. I found it weird.

"Um… pictures. Notes. I don't know. Random stuff."

My best friend started rummaging through the box, occasionally picking something up and looking at it.

"Oh wow." He laughed, shaking his head.

"What?" I asked, cocking my head.

"This is _olllddddd_." He drew the word out.

I was probably, like, ten? Yeah, I was ten. Axel was sixteen. We were sitting on the couch next to each other except upside down, so our heads hung where our feet should be. We had Tootsie Pops in our mouths and we looked completely…

Adolescent.

And I missed it.

"Sometimes I just wanna go back and re-do everything." I said to myself.

The red-head next to me was quiet for a minute. "Me too."

I shot a look at him. "But why? You got everything you ever wanted." It was true. Axel always wanted to go to a good college, then grad school, get a master's degree in art, teach… and he was working on starting up an art gallery in town with the money he got from teaching.

"…Not everything." He stated it as a fact before standing up. "I'm gonna go take a quick shower. I'm done painting for the night."

I just blinked and went back to looking at the contents of the box. What was it that Axel never got?

The first thing that came to my mind was Paine. He was the only girl I'd ever really seen Axel involved with. (Besides Larxene, but Larxene was an annoying bitch that didn't last more than a week) Anyways, Paine was just like him in so many ways. They were together for a while until he caught her cheating on him one day… with a girl named Rikku, ironically enough. I don't think Axel likes that name - whatever spelling it may be. He told me love and relationships really weren't worth the trouble. I should have listened to him then.

It hit me at that moment that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life.

That was one of the things that hurt me the most when Riku started having episodes. I didn't want to leave him because I didn't want to be alone.

I blinked away some tears as I looked at some of my old photography. Scenery. Flowers, a stream, snow, etc. I missed taking pictures of everything. There was pictures of empty classrooms, pictures of street signs, pictures of crowds of people, of birds, of trees…

All forgotten in a tiny box.

There was one in there that I found. It was when I was going through my phase of taking pictures of people. Axel was leaned up against a tree, looking away from the camera. The lighting was gorgeous. I couldn't tell how old he was, I couldn't remember when I took it. But I loved it.

I flipped it over to see if there was a date on the back but instead in a big scrawl was, _Wow, Roxie, you actually made me look hot!!!_

I laughed to myself.

I laughed even harder when I saw the tiny print under it.

_Oh please. You always look hot._

There was a little smiley face next to it. I couldn't tell if it was Axel or I who drew it.

He _did_ look really, really attractive in the picture. An excellent model. He had those model-type legs and torso. He had artist arms. And of course that vibrant, unique hair that the wind blew against his pale cheek. I blinked and set the picture down, freaking myself out.

I started in on the notes. Most of them were crinkled from being folded and unfolded so much.

_Roxas, Totally missing you right now. When I get back home we are SO having a night of MTV and pizza. It's major hell here. So boring. I thought vacations are supposed to be fun but I can't wait to go back home. Mom and Dad are enjoying it though. I could hear them in their room last night - EWWW!_ _Gagsville. Trust me, you thought YOUR parents were bad. Hah. Reno's lucky he got out of coming. That bastard. One good thing is that I've gotten some good sketches done. This place is so beautiful, you wouldn't even believe it. Really wish you were here with me._

_See you in a week, Kiddo!_

Kiddo. He stopped calling me that at some point in time. I guess when I stopped seeming like a kid to him. It was a very old note. I could barely remember when Axel went on a vacation with his parents. Plus, it was before Reno moved out apparently. But it made me smile.

The next one was a note that Yuna and I had been passing in class one day.

_He loves you._

_Does he, Yuna? Because I don't recall him saying that._

_You can tell. He loves you. _

_Whatever you say._

_He's gonna ask you out._

_Okay._

_Stop acting like you don't care! You know you're dying for him on the inside._

_That was intense._

_Sorry._

_LOL._

_But you DO like him, right?_

_Of course._

_So you're gonna say yes?_

_Of course._

_Can't wait! You guys are so perfect._

_I guess._

_You guess?_

_I don't know._

_What happened to… "Oh! I THINK HE'S MY SOUL MATE!"_

_I had too many pixie sticks that day. Why did Tidus tell you that? That jerk._

_Hey! He's not a jerk. He just loves me enough to tell me every aspect of his life._

_Okay._

_Shut up, Faggie._

_Bite me._

_I love you too, Roxas._

It was about Riku. Wow.

I suddenly had an urge to call Yuna. I missed her. We stopped talking a couple years ago… when I pretty much stopped hanging out with anyone.

I think her and Tidus got married. They sent me and Riku an invite but Riku said he didn't want to go. I knew what that meant. If I went, I would get it.

I hoped they didn't think too badly of me.

I started to feel a little sore again. I wanted to go lay down on the couch, but there were a couple more notes I wanted to look at.

_ROXurSOX: There's something I have to talk to you about._

This was a web conversation that I printed out. I knew what it was immediately.

_AxeltheArtist: What is it? Everything OK?_

_ROXurSOX: Well yeah. It's not bad. I just need to tell you… because I haven't yet._

_AxeltheArtist: What? Spit it out._

_ROXurSOX: First of all, ur not a bigot, r u?_

_AxeltheArtist: HAHAHAHAH._

_ROXurSOX: I c ur point. Lol._

_AxeltheArtist: So… what's up?!_

_ROXurSOX: Well…_

_AxeltheArtist: Oh God. You are taking ten minutes to type._

_ROXurSOX: HOLD ON A MIN! NOW I HAVE TO START OVR!_

_AxeltheArtist: LOL. Srry._

_AxeltheArtist: OH GODDD! DID YOU GET A GIRL PREGGERZ?_

_ROXurSOX: STFU!_

_AxeltheArtist: HAHAHAH. :P_

_ROXurSOX: I dnt think u will evr have to worry about tht._

_AxeltheArtist: o.o?_

_ROXurSOX: Well, I'm dating Riku._

_ROXurSOX: Oh gr8. Now u shut up._

_ROXurSOX: I'm gay. Plz don't freak out._

_AxeltheArtist: Why would I freak out?_

_ROXurSOX: TOOK U LONG ENOUGH TO REPLY!_

_AxeltheArtist: Why are you telling me on MSN?_

_ROXurSOX: Less awkward._

_AxeltheArtist: Why? It's just me. I was here freaking out, thinking you were going to jail or something._

_ROXurSOX: Lol! Me? Jail?_

_AxeltheArtist: XD_

_ROXurSOX: So yeah. _

_ROXurSOX: Stop going quiet on me!_

_ROXurSOX: Axel…_

_ROXurSOX: Thirty minutes later! Helloooo? R U THERE?_

_ROXurSOX: Fine. Die on me._

_AxeltheArtist: Sorry. I g2g ok?_

_ROXurSOX: O. Rele?_

_AxeltheArtist: YES! Bye. TTYL._

_AxeltheArtist signed off._

I can't remember why I printed it off. I liked printing out my conversations most of the time anyways. Usually because they were funny. I felt stupid for telling Axel through instant messenger. But when we saw each other face to face again, he treated me as usual. Never batted an eyelash when he eventually saw Riku and I kiss in front of him one day. Axel, Tidus, and Yuna were the only ones that really accepted me. When I told Mom, Dad, and Ven it didn't go so well. Mom just shrugged and said it was probably a phase, Dad rolled his eyes at me, and Ven scrunched up his nose.

And eventually, when I met Demyx he thought Riku and I were adorable. I always got this vibe off of him, I always thought he was gay. But I never saw Demyx with any other guys (besides Axel of course but that didn't count).

There was Axel's parents, too. They didn't mind the fact that I was gay at all. They just didn't like Riku for some reason. "You can do better than him!" Tifa would say with a laugh. I'd ask her what other better gay guys I would find in the tiny town we lived in. She would smile and say that I probably wasn't looking hard enough.

There was a short note, scribbled on a napkin. Maybe we were in a fast food place.

_That guy is checking you out. He's way hotter than Riku._

_He's checking you out, Stupid. It's your hair._

_Well… too bad for him I don't play on his team._

_I'll bring you out of the closet someday. Mwahaha!_

_We're in a closet? I thought we were in McDonald's! HOLY CRAP! CONSPIRACY!_

I laughed pretty hard at that one.

I opened up another note. This one was not instant message, but e-mail.

_ROXurSOX sent at 12:43 pm: Axel, I'm having one of those days again where I really wish you went to school with me. Reply. I'll have my laptop with me all day in all my classes._

_AxeltheArtist sent at 1:12 pm: Aw, what's wrong with my Roxie?_

_ROXurSOX sent at 1:15 pm: Everyone is fucking saying that I'm a heartless asshole because I don't seem to care about… what happened._

I remembered this conversation now. My mom's death.

_AxeltheArtist sent at 1:17 pm: You're not an asshole! Some people deal with things differently, God. Tell them all they'll get college kids on their ass if they say one more thing._

_ROXurSOX sent at 1:20 pm: LOL. No thanks. Even Riku isn't standing up for me. He just keeps saying "Well, I'd probably go mute if that happened to ME." He's not helping the situation one bit._

_AxeltheArtist sent at 1:24 pm: That's because Riku is a dick. Who else is saying stuff though?_

_ROXurSOX sent at 1:27 pm: He's not a dick, Axel. I probably SHOULD care a little more than I do._

_AxeltheArtist sent at 1:33 pm: Why do you do that? You want me to side with you then when I do, you turn it around and make me sound like the bad guy!_

_ROXurSOX sent at 1:40 pm: I just don't like you insulting my boyfriend all the time. And you do it ALL THE TIME._

_AxeltheArtist sent at 1:51 pm: Well SORRY if I think you can do better than him._

_ROXurSOX sent at 1:55 pm: It's not like I'm ever gonna find someone that's perfect._

_AxeltheArtist sent at 1:59 pm: I didn't say that._

_ROXurSOX sent at 2:03 pm: Then what do you mean? Riku's really nice. He's funny. He's smart. He gave me a rose just last week, because he figured I needed some cheering up! Sometimes he's just a little… you know. But I mean… what flaws are there? Really?_

_AxeltheArtist sent at 2:06 pm: Just drop it, Rox._

_ROXurSOX sent at 2:08 pm: Whatever. Anyways. Shouldn't people be happy if I'm not weighed down by depression or something?_

_AxeltheArtist sent at 2:10 pm: Well, yeah. Of course. I am._

_ROXurSOX sent at 2:14 pm: Thank you, Axel._

_AxeltheArtist sent at 2:16 pm: I get out of class in like… 14 minutes. I'll call you when I get home okay? Think you can make it the rest of the day?_

_ROXurSOX sent at 2:19 pm: I suppose so. TTYL, Red._

Red. I hadn't call him that in years.

I was feeling way too nostalgic for my own good. I started putting everything back in the box.

Why did I ever stand up for Riku?

Why didn't I ever listen to Axel?

I went over my thoughts as I unpacked and sorted out random things for the next half hour. Eventually I was too tired and I plopped on the couch and turned MTV on.

There was some trashy show on, as usual.

"Talk about déjà vu." Axel said, leaning against the back of the couch.

"Hi." I answered looking up at him.

"Hey." He greeted back. His hair was wet and it clung to his neck. "Move over."

"No." I teased, sprawling out even more on the couch. Just like I used to when we were younger.

My best friend smirked before trying to tickle me out of my place, again, just like we used to.

Except it was a little weird that we weren't little kids - but both grown men.

Whatever.

I laughed, protesting. And he laughed, teasing. But suddenly I was overcome with a sharp pain and I hissed. Axel stopped immediately, looking rather upset. "Sorry! I forgot."

Someone started screaming at someone else on the tv.

"It's okay. I'm fine." I answered, my eyes shut tight as I sat up.

Axel plopped down next to me, winning his seat after all.

"It's getting late." He said quietly. "I don't know about you, but I'm gonna need to go sleep soon." He was good at pretending nothing was wrong sometimes.

I had slept the whole day, but more sleep sounded good. That way I'd be all caught up in the morning. Plus, I was sore and feeling fatigued. My head started aching again.

"You're right." I answered.

I shut off the television with the remote because the whining people in the show were beginning to drive me mad.

It was dark again. Axel and I were just sitting there.

"Do you know how many times you told me Riku was a dick? I always stood up for him and never listened to you."

"Hmm."

"That's the part where you smile and say 'Hate to say I told you so.' Silly." I turned to him, trying to smile. Because of the light coming from his room it wasn't too dark. I could still see his face and everything.

"That's the thing, Rox. I really _would_ hate to say I told you so. I don't _want _to say I told you so. I'd much rather you be coming up to me with a ring on your finger right now and saying it to _me_."

"Oh, Axe." I shook my head, sighing. He was always like that. Overly-protective, overly-worried, overly-caring. Always putting me before him. I leaned on his shoulder, casually, and friend-like.

And he draped his arm around my shoulders, casually, and friend-like.

Yeah, it wasn't weird. It was something really close brothers would do. Or a father and son. Maybe.

Axel and I had moments like these several times in the past. Once, I stayed at Axel's for the night because of a bad snow storm, and it was so cold in his room we slept in the same bed. Somehow in the morning when I woke up his arms were around me. I was dating Riku then, too.

I always just chalked it off to us being close. It wasn't weird for us at all.

I felt Axel's hair against my cheek. He adjusted his hand a little bit. I was aware of every tiny sound. The house was so quiet. I heard Axel's breathing. I heard mine. I heard some crickets outside. I heard the faucet drip every once in a while. I heard the clock ticking from the other side of the room.

After a few minutes, my best friend sucked in a breath. "I really need to go to bed. I'm like… falling asleep on you." He chuckled as he removed his hand from around me.

I almost said that I didn't care, but I just nodded as I sat up.

"Night, Roxie. If you need me just wake me up, K?" He grinned at me as he stood.

"I think I'll make it." I said confidently.

"Good." He threw me a charming wink before heading to his room. After some rustling, his light went off and I was left completely in the dark.

I moved around, adjusting the pillow as I laid down and pulled the blanket over me. I was comfortable.

Almost immediately I fell asleep.

* * *

"Shut the fuck up, Roxas." His silver hair fell over his eyes and his naked shoulders.

"Riku, what the heck's your problem?" I heard my own voice quiver.

"You don't seem to care about anyone but yourself. 'Oh, why don't we talk anymore, Riku?' 'Why don't we do anything fun anymore?' I'm sorry that I'm still grieving over someone in my family _dying_." He said bitterly. "You want fun? You want attention? Fine."

Before I could speak, he slammed his mouth onto mine hard. It wasn't a passionate hard. He was trying to hurt me. It sent me into a panic. The ways he touched me and grabbed at me, he was _trying_ to put me in pain. He ignored my protests and cries. He ignored my apologies that he didn't deserve.

"Why are you still with me if you hate me so much?" I asked him, it came out as a cry. I was trying to push him away and failing.

"Why are you still with me if I make you cry?" He asked instead.

And then I just completely let him take advantage of me.

* * *

I felt hands on my shoulders. Whispers. "Roxas. Hey. It's okay. It's just me."

I felt dazed and confused.

"It's just me, Roxie. it's okay." He was repeating stuff frantically, pulling me up.

I found myself sitting up, Axel holding my shoulders and looking at me intensely.

I heard a whimper escape me.

"Axel…" I sobbed. I clutched onto him for dear life, hiding in his arms.

It was a memory scratched onto my heart, my soul.

"It was just a dream. You're okay." He said into my hair. "You screamed, you were crying in your sleep. You scared me."

I moaned. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you up." My voice was muffled by his chest.

"Like I care about that." He said, locking his arms tighter around me.

I slipped my hands around his back and adjusted myself as he leaned into the couch with me attached to him.

He rocked me a little. "I'll stay out here for the rest of the night with you, okay? It's only like two-thirty in the morning."

"Ohh God I'm sorry." I sounded like a little kid who did something wrong.

"Stop apologizing, just calm down. Try to fall back asleep." Axel said almost silently.

He was so nice to me. It made me stomach lurch. I felt guilty.

I turned and rested my cheek against him. I could feel his chin on the top of my head.

"I don't know what I'd do without you." I said.

I'll never know what possessed me to say that. So corny.

"I thought I was gonna lose you yesterday." I felt his chin moved when he talked.

"If you didn't show up when you did, I…"

"Let's not talk about it anymore. Go back to sleep."

My chest ached, it was hard for me to breathe. I think he noticed the hitches, he started running one of his hands in little circles on my back and positioned us a little differently.

"I think you should go back to the hospital tomorrow." He said calmly, aware that I wasn't sleeping.

"What?" I shot my head up to look at him, but kept my arms locked around him. He didn't even budge.

"I want you to get better. They'll just give you meds, maybe make you see-"

I cut him off. "I know." The idea of a therapist still weirded me out. "I don't know if I want--"

"Roxas," He interrupted me this time. "Please?"

I rested my head back against him. "Fine." How could I say no?

"Thank you."

I didn't respond. We sat in silence for a long while, maybe even an hour. I couldn't fall asleep but my eyes were closed.

"You asleep, Rox?" He whispered lightly.

It was easier for me to pretend I was. So I did. I kept quiet and still.

Then…

He kissed the side of my head. Very lightly, very gently, but very slowly.

I swear my heart stopped beating. My body froze up and I hoped he didn't notice. I tried hard not to make any sudden movements.

I couldn't even process my own thoughts. I didn't understand. He told me he was straight several times. He dated girls. I was clearly a guy. Why was he doing this? Why now? Why did I never get any signals before?

Or did I and I just never acknowledged them?

I had to admit there was always a _little_ something between us that I didn't have with anyone else. But I was always committed to Riku and Axel was always committed to… well… his art.

I got mad at myself. I thought I was being way overdramatic. Axel was just very caring and we were very close. Holding someone and kissing them on the head did not mean you loved them.

Love? I was bringing love into it so quickly?

I just got annoyed with my own thoughts and focused on sleep, hoping not to have another nightmare.

* * *

**Holy crap.**

**That took me forEVER to write. I'm not kidding. No idea why. Just AH.**

**I know exactly where I'm going with this story. Chapter for chapter. Beginning to end. That's unusual for me. And yes, Promises will be updated soon. I hope. My butt hurts from sitting here all day. Can I go now? **

**REVIEW!**

**And thank you to: **

Payge, NinjaSheik, BloodieMondei, r3tro Roxel, ValindaBlade, , DarkAngelGrl22567, love-less emo neko, NoDiggity, XevagirlX, Vanilla Twilight, The Emerald Shapshifter, RecklessxDreamer, EternityEchoes

**Sorry if I missed anyone.**


	4. Chapter Four

**Ello Ladies and Gents! Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. 8D**

**I love all the wonderful feedback I'm getting for this story, as well as my other AkuRoku chappie fic: The Promises of Summer. AkuRoku is my OTP; can't get enough of them. XD**

**WARNING: Some fluff that ISN'T AkuRoku in here. Don't get mad. It will all be okay. IT IS AN AKUROKU FIC AFTER ALL. 8D**

**Not much else to say for this chapter. Reviews make me smile. (:**

**Song for this chapter? Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon.**

_

* * *

_

"_He's everything you want._

_He's everything you need._

_He's everything inside of you _

_That you wish you could be._

_He says all the right things_

_At exactly the right time_

_But he means nothing to you_

_And you don't know why."_

_

* * *

  
_

**Chapter Four.**

I had hoped Axel would forget all about telling me to go to the doctor's, but as soon as we were up he wanted us to leave.

It wasn't as horrible as I thought it would be. I was asked lots and lots of questions for the most part. Sometimes they were annoying and personal, while other times they were just generic questions. I answered them all my best without batting an eyelash, and soon it was over.

I learned the nightmares, the headaches, even the flinching that I didn't realize I was really doing until my doctor asked me specifically if I recalled any times like that… all pointed to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. A big term for saying that I'm too much of a pussy to get over being almost choked to death by my boyfriend. But I don't understand who _would_ get over that. Why should people be given medicine because they're only human?

I was prescribed something for it. They said it would help reduce the symptoms and help with anxiety and depression. But they said it wasn't enough. I had to go into counseling.

They set up some appointment for me - but not for two weeks later.

So I would have fourteen whole days to dread it.

The first week I was just trying to adjust - adjust with not being with Riku, with living with Axel, with having nightmares _every freaking night_, with pretending like I was okay during classes and work… it was rough. We had our first snow fall of the season so I had a reason to wear a scarf around my neck at least. I would hate having to tell people where the huge hand-shaped bruise had come from. Everything else healed in just a couple days, so they weren't an issue.

Axel was starting to become a problem though. He was _constantly_ babying me. He made me feel so guilty for existing. I know Axel's good natured but his concern was making me feel awful. That was one of the reasons why I hated the nightmares. He'd almost always wake up and talk to me until I fell asleep again - or he'd stay on the couch with me all night. My heart swelled because of it, but it also broke. I didn't want to mess with his life like that. I could tell he was frequently tired during the day. I didn't want to get in the way of his work which he came so far to achieve.

But whenever I tried to talk to him about leaving he would completely freak out on me. So I dropped it.

I wasn't really sure if the meds helped or not. The nightmares didn't go away, but I was so determined for everything that was bad to just vanish that I think I was _imagining_ miraculous changes. Although the nightmares didn't go away…

School and work dragged on. Everyone kept asking me, "Where's Riku? What happened to Riku?" My answer was always,

"He moved."

"Oh! So did you guys break up?" I would hear. Or: "Why would he leave you?" Or: "Did he choose a job over you?" Or: "That sucks."

My personal favorite was from Hayner. Hayner was my friend. We weren't close or anything. We never hung outside of the library. We just worked together. He was someone to talk to, and he was nice. Sometimes he would have a temper though when things started getting busy, and he would actually pull attitudes at customers. But he was cool.

"I haven't seen Riku in class." Hayner said to me. He had one class with Riku, I didn't even remember what it was.

"Yeah, he moved." I replied.

"No shit." He sounded shocked. "Why? Doesn't he care about you?"

No.

"Well, yeah, but, y'know…"

Hayner blinked at me. "Are you doing okay?"

No.

"Yeah, perfectly fine." I smiled.

"You sure?" His voice softened. People needed to not get in everyone else's business all the time.

"Mmhmm." I grinned, as I re-shelved a few books.

"Well when we have a break do you wanna go get coffee or something? It might do you good to not just be in here all day."

_What? Did he just ask me on a date? _

"Yeah, Roxas! You never _do_ anything. You guys can go out now if you want. Take the rest of the day off." Olette, our super-nice boss said in her bubbly voice.

Dear God.

"Seriously? Thanks, Olette!" Hayner literally squealed with excitement.

No. No. No. God, no.

"C'mon, Rox." He ran out back to grab his coat.

Fuck.

I sighed, placed the books down on a table, not caring that I didn't finished what I was doing and dragged my feet to go get my own jacket. Hayner? Of all people? I did not see that coming.

We ended up at Cat Café, the place right across the street from the library. I got myself a hot French vanilla cappuccino: tall. Hayner got a coffee - black and decaf. Ew. So far he's just not my cup of tea - or coffee. Heh.

"So hi." He says once we sit down in a little booth.

"Hi." I say awkwardly before taking a sip of my yummy cappuccino.

His eyes look down into the black liquid that he thinks is drinkable. "You think I'm annoying, don't you?"

And suddenly I feel guilty.

"No. Why do you say that?" I asked, trying to sound like him being annoying is crazy unthinkable.

Hayner rolled his eyes at me but smiled. "It's written all over your face." Then his smile dropped. "You _can_ leave you know. I won't feel insulted or anything."

I frown into my beverage, suddenly feeling like an ass. He seems nice. I've known him forever though for some reason I never gave him much notice.

"No. I'll stay." I smile.

Hayner's face brightens visibly. I can tell he's trying to keep the excitement out of his voice. "Awesome!"

For some reason I giggle. And it makes me internally frustrated. A week hasn't even passed since the whole thing with Riku and I'm on a (somewhat, sort of) date with a guy. Although, technically I've been dying to really _be _with someone for almost two years - since Riku left me emotionally although not physically - so I can't completely beat myself up for having hormones.

"Do you miss Riku?" He asked me suddenly.

I shrugged, thinking that I honestly didn't know. I _shouldn't_ miss the guy who ruined my life and also tried to end it. But I _do_ miss the old Riku; the one who had the most irresistible body, the deepest eyes, the softest hair, the sexiest voice - the one who had those hands that I loved to hold, the hands that would push my hair out of my face when I was upset, the hands that somewhere along the way became weapons…

"No." I answer truthfully, simply.

"Oh." He looks surprised. "But you were with him for a long time. Since high school."

"Yeah."

He shrugged. "I dunno. I just can't imagine not missing someone after all that time."

"Well…" I sigh. "We actually should have broken up like two years ago. Just too lazy I guess." I tried to chuckle.

"Two…" His eyes widened. "Jeez."

"Yeah. So I'm not upset even slightly." I sipped some of my hot drink, feeling my tongue burn a little. I held the liquid in my mouth just tasting it and letting it scald my taste buds.

"Well that's good I guess." He paused. "So…" Another pause. "Technically, if I made a move on you - I wouldn't have to be afraid of being a rebound right?" He smirked.

I almost spit the cappuccino all over him. Instead I swallowed it down hard and tried my hardest not to start choking.

His eyes went a little wide after a second. "Wow, that was stupid wasn't it? I'm sorry. I suck at this. Damn." His face went red.

And after an awkward second or two. I started laughing. He looked mortally embarrassed at first, but somehow he started laughing too.

"No." I said after calming down a little.

"No to it being stupid or no to the actual question?" He let out a little bit more laughter.

"Both." I smiled.

He grinned at me. "Good."

From there, somehow, things got less awkward. We talked about completely random stuff. We laughed a lot. I decided I actually liked Hayner. He seemed so shy and awkward which was weird because at work I saw him as cocky with a bit of a temper - only nice when he was in a good mood.

We talked for an hour or so and I didn't think about Riku once. Unfortunately a girl walked by and tripped on her own foot, spilling her hot chocolate _all over Hayner_. It shocked all of us. Especially the girl.

"Oh my God! I am so sorry! I'm sorry!" She whined, shoving napkins at him.

"What the _fuck_?" He started in, just as he usually did at work. The girl apologized profusely, Hayner swore profusely, and I was just laughing so hard I thought I was going to throw up.

"I say we go." Hayner mumbled, wiping a useless napkin on his shirt after the girl had run away.

I was still snickering.

"Did that entertain you?" He asked me sarcastically.

I let out a laugh. "Yes, very much."

"Well I'm glad _you_ thought it was funny." He said it bitterly, but he was smiling.

Hayner stood up and I followed suit. Our drinks had long been finished. "God, I'm gonna get third degree burns from this shit." He whined. I giggled.

"I'm glad my pain makes you laugh." He teased as he opened up the door, making the bell attached to it jingle.

He held the door open for me and let me walk out before him. I just gave him a little smile. "It's not your _pain_, it's just funny when you freak out."

Unlike _someone_ I know who - when _he_ freaked out… wasn't funny at _all_.

The two of us walked back over to the library where our cars were still parked.

Hayner stood next to his car then looked at me awkwardly. "Do you…" He kicked his front wheel, his hands shoved in his pockets. A ridiculous brown stain covered the front of his shirt. "Do you want to come over? You don't have to. Or we could go somewhere else. Or you could just go home."

My stomach actually fluttered. I felt nerves I never thought I'd feel again. "Um, sure."

He smiled big. "Okay! Cool. If you want we can take my car and I can bring you back here when you wanna go home."

I nodded.

Then Hayner actually walked around and opened the passenger door for me. Talk about classic. It made me want to laugh all over again. Maybe because he was so unsure of himself. It was kind of…

Cute?

Dear God.

The car ride was far from awkward like I'd thought it'd be. He turned on the pop radio station and we sang along to Poker Face, London Bridge, and I Kissed a Girl laughing the whole time. Before long we were at his house and chilling on his couch while I played with his adorable dog who seemed to adore me as well. The thing wouldn't leave me alone and it was so _cute_.

"It's funny. Usually she doesn't like strangers." He chuckled while scratching Lena's head.

I giggled as she jumped up and licked at my face. I tried swatting her away. "Well apparently she likes _me_."

He grinned flirtatiously. "I don't blame her."

I giggled again. It was uncontrollable.

The small blonde dog curled into my lap, adjusting herself for sleep suddenly. I absent-mindedly pet her head.

"You know…" Hayner's voice broke a little. He cleared his throat. "I've kinda liked you for a while."

I looked at him. "….Really?"

How could I have never picked up on that?

"God, I'm so awkward." He chuckled nervously. "…Yeah." He breathed. "I'm just chicken shit. I figured you and Riku would get _married_ anyway." He shrugged.

I shook my head without saying a word, I glanced down, not sure of what to say. My mind kind of froze.

Then his fingertips slid under my chin, pulling my face up to meet his. I could feel my cheeks burning and I bet I looked like a tomato with blonde, messy hair thrown on top.

Hayner opened his mouth and shut it again. He sighed, before pulling my face closer to his. Both of his hands were suddenly holding my head up and I found myself leaning into them - until eventually his lips grazed mine and I shut my eyes and let hormones take over.

The kisses were slow. We were both unsure. But it was nice kissing someone that actually _cared_ about me. It wasn't the tingly-body feeling I got when I first kissed Riku, but I could feel that Hayner really liked me. I felt so stupid for never noticing it before. I could have left Riku ages before for Hayner. But there was a question that nagged the back of my head --

Did I really like Hayner? Or did I like the fact that he liked me, and he would ensure that I wouldn't be alone?

The fact that I was asking myself that question wasn't a good sign, but I pushed it away and I got absorbed into our kissing.

Somewhere in our little make-out session, the dog had run away and I had ended up in a laying down position, Hayner somewhat on top of me. Our lips had long since parted - but we just laid there not knowing what to say. It was a comfortable silence though.

But Hayner sat up suddenly, a smile on his face. "Why are you still wearing this scarf, silly?" He giggled, tugging at it.

"Um. I--" And then I felt cool air on my bare skin.

"R-Roxas?" His voice broke and he sat up completely. I did too.

"What the hell?" His voice quiet. "What happened?"

I didn't answer. My throat got tight. My head started pounding. What the hell could I say?

"Roxas…" He touched my neck so gently, as if unbelieving. "It's alright. You can tell me."

The only person who knew was Axel. How could Hayner pop into my life so quickly? It made me nervous. I thought I knew Riku, but he turned out to be someone else. How could I trust Hayner when I've really _just_ gotten to _know_ him. Sure, I've known him forever… but there was a difference between knowing someone and _knowing_ someone.

I opened my mouth and nothing came out but a choked sob.

"I'm sorry." He gasped, pushing back my bangs and trying to catch my eye. "I didn't think-- I'm sorry."

I couldn't move. He kept his hand holding my bangs back while his thumb ran over my forehead. "It was Riku wasn't it?" His voice a whisper. I heard fear in it, worry…

Another sob escaped me, answering his question.

His hand whipped away from my head. I saw his jaw clench like it occasionally did at work. I called it his overdrive look. "Why the _fuck_ would he do that to you? What the hell is his fucking problem? He deserves to get the fucking _shit_ beat out of him. What a worthless, horrible, disgusting piece of shit."

"It's okay, Hayner." I mumbled pathetically.

"No. It's not okay. What the hell would possess you to think it's okay? Did you tell someone? God, tell me you told someone. Tell me he got arrested." His words came out fast and hard.

When he looked in my eyes, his voice changed. "He didn't get arrested." A statement.

I shook my head. "He left. Before they could get him." My voice sounded funny as it came out of me.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to start yelling. I can't help it sometimes." His hand rested on the spot just above my knee. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"It's fine. And no, not really." A crack in my voice. I swallowed hard.

The sandy blonde stared straight ahead blankly as he massaged my leg lightly. I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach - the one that made me think I would hurl any minute but I knew I wouldn't.

A few silent tears slid down my cheeks. After some silence, I squeaked. "Is it okay if we go back to the library now so I can go home?"

Hayner gave me a sad look. "Yeah, if you want… I didn't mean to…"

"I know." I said with a little smile. "It's not your fault. I just wanna go home, okay? I'll see you tomorrow, don't worry."

He threw me a sad smile. "Alright… let's go."

The atmosphere was stiff now. But before he opened the door, Lena came up to jump on my leg and bark me a good-bye. I gave her a pat, feeling I'd see her the next day. When Hayner grabbed the doorknob he turned to me for a moment and planted a kiss on the middle of my forehead without any words. I felt like crying my eyes out. But I didn't. I just smiled as he opened the door and let me walk out before him.

And that's how Hayner and I became an item.

Axel did _not_ like it. He said it was too early for me to be dating again and blah, blah, blah. I told him he sounded more like a mother than a best friend who should be happy for me that I was moving on so easily. It shut him up.

He seemed a bit moody after that, like he thought Hayner would do the same thing or something. But I assured him that Hayner was really nice and that they should meet. He kept saying he had stuff to do - like work after school with students and all that. So eventually I gave up, frustrated. But Axel didn't fail to be there for me when I had the nightmares. Ever. And they came - every night.

After two weeks of dating Hayner, of work, of school, of nightmares, of random panic attacks - I finally had to go see my counselor. I felt like I was someone who was insane and looked down upon as I talked to the receptionist. But she was nice and soon I was being called in to see my 'Doctor'.

Before I could even say hello she just said, "Call me Lulu."

The lady was weird. She wore too much make-up. Her hair was up in an intense style, and she wore nothing but black.

"'Kay." I answered casually. "I'm Roxas."

"Yes, I know." She smiled. "How are you today?"

"Um, okay?" It sounded like a question more than a statement.

"Don't be nervous, Roxas." She smiled and leaned forward to grab a candy off her desk. "Want one?"

"No thanks."

"Okay then. So… why are you here?"

"Well." I scratched my head. "Um. I guess because I need to be."

"Why do you need to be?"

"Because apparently it will help me get better."

"Better…" She smiled and looked up. "Such a loose word."

"Yeah, I guess."

I decided she was kind of creepy.

"Well… would you like me to tell you a bit about myself and what I do so you can feel less like you're talking to a complete stranger?"

I nodded, going along with it all.

"Well. I'm thirty-three. I have a husband and a son. I like to help people - which is why I'm here with you today. I just want to help. I like collecting plushies. I eat a lot of candy. My favorite color is purple…. Anything else you'd like to know?" She grinned.

I shook my head.

"Would you like to tell me about yourself Roxas?" She took another candy.

"Um… I just turned twenty-one. I live with my best friend. I work at the library. I'm a college student…" I didn't know what else she wanted to hear from me. I didn't collect anything. I didn't have a family. I wasn't even sure I had a favorite color.

"Nice." She smiled. "TTU?"

I nodded. Twilight Town University.

"How's that going?" She asked, resting her head on one of her hands as she looked at me intensely.

"Good." I said honestly. Classes were a breeze for me. They allowed me to focus on something besides _life_.

Another smile. Another reach for candy.

Okay, by that point I gathered that I was paying good money to just talk to some broad who sat on her ass and ate candy. Big help.

"I bet you're thinking right now that this is a waste of money." Lulu chuckled slowly.

Wow, pretty good.

I bit my lip to prevent myself from agreeing.

"It's okay." She chuckled again. "I just don't want to make people nervous by jumping into why they're _really_ here. Some people don't take it well. Plus, it's good to get to know each other a bit right?"

"Uh, right." I tried not to roll my eyes.

"All I know Roxas, is that you are an abuse victim with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Your doctor can't unveil to me any other information than that. Would you like to talk about it?" The woman in black leaned forward and rested her arms on her desk. She locked eyes with me and I felt a bit suffocated.

So I hesitantly began to tell her about _that_ night. Then it jumped around from the very beginning, when I first knew Riku. She nodded and listened and didn't give me all the sympathy crap. It made me just keep talking and talking until I realized I had told her all about Axel and Hayner and Yuna and Tidus. And I told her every detail about Riku, what had happened and why. How I still didn't understand why everything had to change like that.

By the time my story was winding down, I took a breath. "Wow." I mumbled to myself.

"Sounds pretty crazy." Another piece of candy.

I shrugged.

"So is it just the nightmares, or do you get sudden waves of memory that cause you panic?"

"Yeah, it's the nightmares every night. But every once in a while - at the most random of times, I'll see something for just a split second, as if it's happening all over again. They cause panic attacks, or I compose myself and am fine. It's unpredictable." I explained.

Lulu slowly nodded, processing. "Does Hayner ever make you nervous? Like…" she narrowed her eyes like she was trying to think of what to say to explain, but I understood where she was going.

"No. At first I had doubts, but he's nothing like Riku." I smiled.

She grinned. "That's good to hear. Most abuse victims find it hard to trust a new partner."

I just nodded.

"And as you've said, you seem to definitely trust your best friend. He sounds nice. It's good to have friends you can depend on." More smiling.

More nodding. "Yeah, he was the one who saved me from the whole mess."

"Listen, Roxas, I think that you will recover. It may take time. And wounds like these can never heal. But you're strong, I can see it. You have people that support you and you are busy with your life. You may not even need to see me for ever." She chuckled again. "I can see now that you really are doing very, very well."

I nodded for the billionth time. "But… how can I get the nightmares to go away?"

She shook her head. "I couldn't know for certain. No one could. One day you may just wake up and realize you had nothing but pleasant dreams. Or maybe they'll never go away. Who knows?"

"That helps." I said sarcastically.

"Listen, Roxas… you _want_ them to go away, right?" She smoothed her hair.

"Yes." I nodded.

"Then… they will. Give it time." Her purple lips parted with a grin.

For some reason she reminded me of the Cheshire Cat. No help at all - and yet still pointing me in the right direction. Somehow her words made sense. And I realized the weekly counseling wouldn't be as bad as I previously thought.

Lulu and I spent the rest of our time discussing what I should do if struck with a sudden flashback at a not-so-good time, how to keep myself calm, how to avoid having flashbacks altogether, and so forth. Before long she was dismissing me and I was back in my car feeling a little more optimistic.

From there I had to go straight in to work (late) where it was just any regular day (except for the fact that at break Hayner and I would go make out in his car now, but that was beside the point). And after work I went home.

"Hey! Let's go get ice cream!" He leaped at me with a grin on his face before I was even fully in the house.

"Ha, okay…" I laughed before I chucked my bag on the couch and turned right back to the door.

"So how did the counseling thing go?" He asked me as he bent down to lace his boots tighter before he could jump in his truck.

"Surprisingly… good." I grinned, although he wasn't looking at me before I went around to get into the passenger side.

When Axel finally got in, starting the car and not buckling he gave me a warm smile. "That's awesome."

I nodded, grinning. "I kind of feel like… things could actually be normal again."

The red-head's smile turned into a grin. "Of course it will." He roughed up my hair. I swatted him away with a laugh.

He finally started pulling out, trying not to his upstairs neighbor's car. I continued to talk.

"I mean - school's going good, work's going good, I'm living with my best friend…" I nudged him and he chuckled. "and I think I'm starting to really like Hayner."

I was taken back to see Axel's face slide into a frown instead of continue looking happy for me.

"What?" I slightly snapped.

"I dunno. I just want you to be careful."

"I _am_, _Dad_, Jesus." I folded my arms.

"Roxas, I'm just…" He sighed with frustration. Then his voice softened. "I'm just saying."

I mumbled something like, "Yeah, I know, whatever."

Then it was silent until we pulled into the ice cream place. I suddenly wasn't in the mood for ice cream but I said nothing - for fear of pissing Axel off.

The both of us got out and Axel looked at me apologetically. "I'm sorry. You know I'm totally happy that things are going good for you." The red-head gave me a brief hug, and I hugged him back. For that brief moment I smelled nothing but paint.

"So… sea-salt as usual?" He smirked.

I grinned. And nodded.

* * *

And that's how it was for the next three months. School, work, Hayner, Axel, nightmares, flashbacks, medication, Lulu… an endless cycle of my life. I was thinking, "Thank God, I've finally found balance. Nothing is constantly changing on me. I just want it to stay like this." It was suddenly December - with a holiday vacation coming up that everyone could enjoy. Snow everywhere. Ice everywhere. Christmas music in every store you walked in to. After me and Axel's tiny Thanksgiving, he put up a cute little tree in the living room. It was that time of the year that everyone just… loved.

TTU gave students two whole weeks off for Christmas Break. So did Twilight Town High. And I decided to take my vacation up with the library. _Plus _Lulu didn't need to see me for the two weeks I was off. Axel and I were happy to be free birds for a whole half of a month. I spent my days with Axel - playing video games, driving around town, getting fast food, sometimes I'd sit and just watch him paint. While the nights I spent mostly with Hayner. I never actually _stayed_ the night. I could tell Hayner was more than ready to take the next step and had been for quite some time but for some reason we never did. He'd get to nervous to make a move, or I'd somehow shimmy my way out and 'have to go home' for whatever excuse it may be. He never asked questions if I said I wasn't feeling good, because he knew I could very well be having a panic attack.

Hayner also tried saying the L-word a few times. But I'd interrupt, find some way to get him interrupted by someone or something else, pretend to get a text, and so on. He had to have known I was going out of my way to avoid such things, but he never said a word. I just … really didn't know if I loved him yet. It didn't feel like it - and it scared me. I wanted to love him - he was gentle and funny and said stuff that made me feel wonderful - I didn't know why the hell I didn't. But I didn't. It was a fact. A fact I knew I wouldn't be able to hide much longer. But pretending like I loved him was so easy, that on rare occasions I almost believed it.

The two of us got into occasional fights because of his horrible temper, but we wouldn't go twenty-four hours without him calling me and telling me he was sorry and an idiot. I always forgave him.

One of the days I got into a fight with Hayner was on December twenty-second. We had gotten into a fight during the day, on the phone no less. We hung up steaming at each other. Axel, my loyal best friend, decided he wanted to cheer me up after I ended up whining and moping for the several hours that followed the phone call. So we went on a walk to a place he said he started going to _last_ Winter.

And then my life started doing that _changing_ thing again.

* * *

**Cliffy! What happens on the walk? TO BE CONTINUED! -shot-**

**Sorry. So much dialogue. And new characters. (Lulu and Hayner). Whoo.**

**TO MY LOVELY REVIEWERS: **Payge, NinjaSheik, BloodieMondei, r3tro Roxel, ValindaBlade, , DarkAngelGrl22567, love-less emo neko, NoDiggity, XevagirlX, Vanilla Twilight, The Emerald Shapshifter, RecklessxDreamer, EternityEchoes, Mamma's Freaky Child, XevagirlX, Narwe

**Did I miss anyone? Hope not. Haha.**

**My love to you all! REVIEW!**

**XOX ROSE**


	5. Chapter Five

**Wow. Got lots of WONDERFUL feedback for the last chapter. This story is really getting on a roll. Sorry for my slow updates. It's hard working on two stories that have ridiculously long chapters. Yikes. So I pretty much update each story once a month... which means I'm actually writing two chapters a month. And I want to get these done as soon as possible because I have so many more stories lurking in my brain.**

**On a happy note - I beat KH2 on Proud Mode a few days ago. Go me.**

**Not much to say for this chapter. More drama. Fun, fun. Why am I such a sucker for drama in stories? It just feels boring without it. Teehee. OH AND I ADDED A TWIST THAT I WASN'T EXPECTING!**

**SONG OF THE CHAPTER IS YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL BY RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS. Most beautiful song ever.**

**Onward. HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!  
**

* * *

"_I will never let you fall._

_I'll stand up with you forever._

_I'll be there for you through it all…_

_Even if saving you sends me to heaven." _

**Chapter Five.**

I dodged another little ice patch as I walked. It was freezing out, but neither of us complained. I kind of liked the numb, prickly feeling I got on my cheeks in the two degree weather.

We had ended up turning down a street I wasn't too familiar with. There were only a couple houses on it; dark and deserted. There was a flickering street lamp lighting up a crappy parked car that was covered in snow and didn't look like it had been touched in a _while_. It reminded me of a street that a serial killer would live in from some B-movie horror film.

Axel was walking less than an inch away from me. His hands were jammed into his long black pea coat. His combat boots were so clunky, I almost laughed at him. He needed a new pair of footwear.

"Where _exactly _are you taking me?" I asked him after I was getting bored with the silence. It was a comfortable silence, but it was lasting too long.

"What, do you not trust me Roxas?" His voice was teasing. He didn't turn his head to me but I saw him raise an eyebrow.

"I'm just curious and impatient." I replied.

"Well, we're just about…" My friend paused, turning his head to the right, looking past me. "Here." He smiled.

Before I could even respond, he grabbed my hand and pulled me behind him from off the sidewalk and straight into snow that had been piling up over the past few weeks. It was half-way up my shins. Axel walked right through it without seeming to care.

"What the hell?" I mumbled. Creepy, dark, deserted, cold, snowy areas that I wasn't familiar with did not seem like something that could cheer me up.

"Keep your pants on." I heard the red-head say lazily as we began to go down hill.

I had to press my toes down to keep myself from falling on my ass. There was a little iced over stream right at the bottom of the hill, and I did not plan on sliding straight into it. Axel was still dragging me by the hand, and I might add… going way too fast for me.

"The great outdoors? Is this it?" I whined.

"You really are in a pissy mood. Don't worry - this will be _fun._" I could hear his smile on his lips, even though I could only see the back of his head.

Then Axel started heading straight for the stream. I yanked him backwards. "Oh _no_ we are _not_ going ice skating on _that_! Okay, Michelle Kwan? Let's go to McDonald's or something."

"Don't be such a pussy!" The red-head turned to me. He blinked. "And who the hell is Michelle Kwan?"

"A figure skater!" I said as if it was obvious.

"…You watch figure skating?" He narrowed his eyes at me.

"…No." I lied. Well, I didn't _lie_. I don't watch it regularly. Just a couple times in the past.

My friend chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Just come on."

"It looks dangerous! It's probably way too thin. We'll just fall in!" I argued.

"Listen, Blondie, I'll go on it first okay?" Axel said before letting go of my head a stepping right on the frozen stream.

I squeezed my eyes shut, then opened them after not hearing any cracks or blood-curdling screams.

My best friend grinned at me from where he stood. He fluttered his eyelashes and spun around in a circle - looking ridiculous in a pea coat, stone-washed jeans, and combat boots. "Look at meee~ I'm Michelle Kwan: sexy figure skater of the universe. Weeee." Axel spoke in a high pitched mocking voice while spinning around and gliding like an idiot.

I just shook my head and bit my lip to stifle a giggle.

He stopped abruptly. "Roxie. Come on. It's juvenile, yes. But it's fun. A great cure for boredom." He stood exactly where the stream met the dirt and held out his bare hand, waiting for my gloved hand to take it.

I sighed, taking a step closer. He visibly brightened before I took his hand and he dragged me onto the slippery surface.

I was wearing plain old chucks, not even real Converse, just imitation. They were already wet from walking in the snow and my feet were slightly numb beneath the poor excuse for socks I was wearing. I almost slipped and fell on my back but Axel grabbed my arm roughly.

"The first time I came out here…" He said. "I was really bored one night and just wanted to take a walk. I was kind of frustrated about something, and I didn't want to be home but I didn't want to be around people. So I just went exploring. Somehow I ended up down here and just slid around on the ice because I had nothing better to do. I kept falling on my ass, and I could barely walk when I wanted to go home… but for some reason I came back here more than once."

"Why were you frustrated?" I asked.

"Can't remember." He answered all too quickly. "Something unimportant probably."

I didn't press it because I had slid and almost lost my balance again. "Well I still don't see this as fun. I see this as dangerous and annoying."

Axel let my arm go. I froze so I wouldn't fall.

"But you can do _this_!" He dashed on this ice in such a way that he didn't slip and then did a little hop, sliding on the ice a couple feet without falling. He was sort of in a surfing position.

"Impressive." I raised my eyebrows at him and nodded.

"Isn't it?" He grinned. "Try it."

"Ha. No. I'm good. I'm out here. Isn't that enough?"

Axel smiled at me and cocked his head.

"What?" I asked.

"You're just very stubborn." He chuckled.

I frowned at him.

He glided back towards me. "Close your eyes."

"Why?" I gave him a worried look.

"Just do it."

I rolled my eyes, and then obeyed. I was still staying perfectly still.

Then I felt his hands grab mine. I clutched them back for dear life - afraid he was going to suddenly shove me or something.

"Just slide forward."

I did, and wavered, making myself literally go "Eep!"

My eyes shot open, and Axel laughed. "Well, you may not be cheered up, but you're making _me_ entertained."

"Har har. I'm glad my fear amuses you so." I said sarcastically, kind of sliding around on my own suddenly. I let go of his hands.

"See? You're not dead." He grinned.

"Yet." I answered. I wasn't going to admit to him that sliding around on ice in sneakers was pretty entertaining.

I suddenly fell forward and crashed right into Axel, he held me up - his arms around me. "I won't let you fall." He smiled down at me. For some reason I felt my cheeks heat up and I had to look down, pretending to be paying attention to my feet before I gently pulled away from him.

Axel looked at me mischievously before pushing me playfully. I lost my balance but somehow stayed up. "Jerk!" I called out after making sure I was completely still and wouldn't topple over.

He would pay. I glided over to the nearest spot that I saw snow piled and grabbed a handful. I was glad I had grabbed my gloves. Before he realized what I had in my hand - I chucked it as hard as I could.

The red-head was shocked from the hit and he fell right on his ass. I started laughing and I couldn't stop. I literally doubled over. The look on his face was hilarious when he hit the ice and I couldn't get it out of my head.

"Well… now I know how to cheer you up. Next time you're upset I'll hire a bunch of buff guys to beat the shit out of me while you sit and watch with a little bag of popcorn or something." He said sarcastically while getting up and dusting off his pants. "That hurt." He whined.

"Sorry." I managed to stop laughing, but I still had a smile on my face.

"I may never walk again." He sighed dramatically before making one swift movement to just grab snow and fling it at me. He hadn't even put it in a ball - just flung a bunch of powdery snow. It got all over me.

I let out a whine, and then somehow we ended up having a snowball fight while sliding around on a frozen over stream. I had to admit it was entertaining. Especially because Axel had fallen three whole times when I hadn't fallen yet.

We ended up almost in the middle of the stream, and when I realized it I shouted, "I surrender. You win." While panting. I wanted to get back to where the water would be more shallow. I was still nervous.

Axel laughed. "Good. I'm getting old and this is too much physical activity for me." He let out a breath.

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe you need to lay off the frozen pizzas."

"Hey!" He frowned.

"Kidding." I smiled.

"You better be."

We slowly started sliding back. "That did cheer me up, you know. Thanks."

Axel shot me a half smile. "Good to hear." He ruffled my hair.

"Maybe I should call up Hayner and apologize. I was kinda being an ass." I shrugged.

Axel didn't say anything. I sighed… probably a bit dramatically. "I don't get you sometimes, Axel."

"What? I didn't say anything." His voice sounded funny.

"Exactly." I said quietly. He was my best friend and part of the job description is being able to help me out with Significant-Other-Issues. The one thing he was _never _good at. He would just immediately say they were jerks and at fault if anything was wrong, and if I brought up something good about them he'd just point out something bad or ignore the comment I made.

"Well what do you _want_ me to say? I didn't say you _shouldn't_ apologize. I don't even know what you were arguing about!"

"Why do you always _do_ this? Everything will be fine and you'll start _freaking_ out over the stupidest shit! Like, seriously!" I hissed at him, stopping in my track to look at him.

"I'm not 'freaking out'! Jesus, I didn't say anything!" Axel stopped too.

I sighed again. I could see my breath as I exhaled. I looked at Axel. His face was red from the cold, almost matching his hair. His collar was popped up and brushing against his jaw. There was white snow still stuck to his coat in a few places. His hands were at his sides, balled up and beet red from touching snow without gloves.

I blinked. I wanted to say something else, but I also didn't. "Whatever." I turned to continue walking… er… sliding.

But Axel grabbed my wrist and dragged me back over. Since we were on ice, it was all too easy for him.

"What?" I asked, frustrated.

"Roxas, I can't take it anymore."

"Take _what_?" I pressed. Frustration was bubbling in me.

He looked like he was about to say something in response, but stopped. Then opened his mouth… and closed it again.

"Jesus, Axel, _what_? I am freezing. I want to _go_." I was whining like a little kid, but I didn't care.

Then my best friend swiftly put his hand on the back of my head and brought his lips to mine. It was a kiss that I totally did not see coming. There was literally an explosion in my chest that I don't think I could ever explain with words. I thought it was from surprise… or fear… or guilt. I had so many emotions running through me in those whopping three seconds. Mostly it was a mix of confusion and realization - if that makes sense. But I couldn't deny that there was happiness. I leaned into that damn kiss and for a fraction of a second I would have said, "Hayner and Riku, who?"

But Axel pulled away at a frightening speed, probably out of panic. My heart sunk just before I saw him lose his balance and fall right on his ass once more…

Except this time I heard a loud snap.

Before I could process what the sound was, he was under the ice. "AXEL!"

I had never felt such a panic. He was only under for about maybe two seconds before I saw his hand grabbing at the edge of wear the ice broke, but I _swear_ for those two seconds… God.

I was trembling everywhere as I got on my knees and reached for him, trying not to break any more ice because we would both be goners.

I grabbed at his hand and pulled until he was out enough to drag himself up. He looked like a drowned rat. He was violently shivering and he was sputtering up water. He hadn't seen it coming either. His hair clung to his face. His clothes were probably weighing him down uncomfortably.

He kind of collapsed right by where he had fallen in. I grabbed his arms and helped pull him up. I was trembling and I couldn't see because my eyes kept watering up. I was still panicking. Bad.

"Axel…? Axel, Axel!" I was frantic. I could feel how icy he was through my _gloves_. He kept coughing up water. I was wiping it off his chin with my hand. He was so soaked and cold, I knew we had to get back as soon as possible.

He was looking anywhere but at me. He kept squeezing his eyes shut. I pushed all of the hair that was clinging to his face back.

"Axel… take off your wet coat. I'm gonna give you mine, okay?" I wanted to see if he would say something. He just shook his head frantically.

"Don't be complicated right now." I hissed, but I heard my voice shaking. My throat was tight. He didn't move to take off his coat so I started undoing the buttons frantically. He squirmed. He was shivering so bad it was like he was having convulsions.

I could only get two of the three. "Let's get off this damn ice first." I said.

He nodded, sliding a little as he tried to move. I put my arm around him. "Come on."

We had to go slow and yet fast as possible. It was a little complicated but we made it back to the snowy ground.

His fingers fumbled around the last button, and eventually I had to do it. He was just shaking horribly.

Once I got him into my coat, I tucked his wet one under my arm - ignoring the biting cold air. He frowned at me when I shivered. He still wouldn't look me in the eye though.

"I'm s-sorry." His teeth were chattering. His voice came out just above a whisper.

"I can't believe you just apologized." I was trying to make it sound light and humorous, but I was still scared.

He didn't say anything.

"You need to talk to me, okay? What do you wanna do? Do you wanna just try to get home as fast as possible? Do you want to go to the emergency room?" I asked. He wouldn't look at me. I put my hand under his chin and forced his face up. His eyes just looked down.

"Axel… come on just _tell me_, okay? Just tell me what you want to do." I heard myself choke on a sob. _He's gonna be fine. He's gonna be fine. It's okay, Roxas, calm the hell down._

Axel looked at me finally, matching his eyes with mine but only for a moment. I could see he was trying to steady his shivers. "I'm fine." He spoke, his voice raspy. "I just wanna go home."

"Okay." I nodded. I pushed back some of his hair that was starting to poke up in little wet strands. I was trying to calm myself down. "Okay." I repeated for no real reason. I kept swallowing to try to make the lump disappear.

Axel and I started our walk back. I was clutching onto his upper arm as if he would just vanish if I didn't. That and I wanted as much warmth as I could get. My bare arms were freezing. Although I'm sure Axel was ten times colder.

It was rough having to hike through the snow, but once we were back on the sidewalk I felt better. I started practically dragging Axel behind me though. I was afraid if we didn't hurry he would get frostbite or hypothermia.

"Are you feeling okay other than freezing?" I asked.

He nodded, sniffled, then spoke. "Uh-huh. I'm a little stiff and numb but nothing hurts." He was quiet but at least his voice wasn't raspy.

"Good."

"My boots are ruined though." He said sadly.

I chuckled. "At least you left your phone at home."

He smiled a little and nodded. "Maybe we _should _have gone to McDonald's."

I gave a tiny sigh and smirked to myself. I squeezed his arm and rested my head on his shoulder as we walked. The adrenaline rush had made me exhausted. Carrying Axel's heavy, sopping wet jacket wasn't helping much either.

And I still couldn't get over how it felt when he kissed me.

I couldn't get over the _fact_ that he kissed me.

But I pushed those thoughts away and just focused on getting back so he could get warm. I wouldn't be able to ask him why he kissed me if he suddenly died of hypothermia.

* * *

The moment we entered the house I practically _threw_ him into his bathroom. "Take a hot shower then put on the warmest clothes you own!"

Axel just sighed but did as I said, and within a half an hour he came out wearing a sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants. His hair was damp and hung limply against his face.

"Feel better?" I asked as I handed him some hot chocolate I made.

"Thanks." He said. "Yeah." The red-head took a sip but set the mug down right after. "I wanna lay down."

I blinked. I was concerned. "Okay."

Axel buried himself under the covers the second he hit his bed. I'm sure he was still cold. When a body temperature drops like that it's hard to bring it back up.

I sat on the edge of his bed and looked at him.

"God, I'm such an idiot." He whined, throwing the covers over his head and groaning.

"Axel…" I started. He brought the covers back down to look at me.

"Why'd you kiss me?" My voice came out light and almost like a statement rather than a question. A demanding tone was nestled in the words I spoke, and I think it was just a veil for the hope that I felt erupting through me.

Axel blinked. And then I heard the doorbell.

I groaned a little - annoyed with today's timings for everything.

My best friend's jaw clenched. "Could you go get it?" His words were stiff.

I sighed. "Yep." I huffed, and turned to go answer whoever the hell it was so I could tell them to kindly fuck off because I was not in the best mood and now was not the best time.

But I opened the door and heard, "Surprise!"

Oh great. Hayner. _Just_ the guy I wanted to see.

He hugged me and I just stood there with my hand resting on the door frame. "Oh baby I'm sorry about earlier. Why don't we go out to eat? My treat! I feel so bad and I don't want you to be mad at meee~"

_Fuck my life_. "Could you hold on… one second?" I heard the stress in my own voice. I didn't wait for him to answer. I slammed the door in his face, not even wanting to think about inviting him in. He could handle standing in front of my door for a few minutes - it wouldn't kill him.

"I heard. Congrats. You didn't have to apologize to him after all." The red-head's voice sounded smart-assy. One arm was slung over his eyes. He sighed. "See you later."

I tried to restrain my bubbling anger. "I was going to tell him I didn't want to go."

"Why? There's nothing to do here. I plan on sleeping." A bitter voice. I clenched my fists, I wanted to punch him.

"Fine, go ahead be a bitter, _miserable_ asshole." I shouted. I hoped Hayner couldn't hear. Talk about mood swings. I had gone from concerned-best-friend to I-want-to-rip-your-heart-out-and-eat-it.

We had apparently dropped the kiss thing.

"Roxas, you really shouldn't keep people waiting outside in the cold."

"I fucking _hate_ you!" I didn't mean it. I don't even know why I said it. I didn't know why I was crying either. But I was. He didn't notice, his hand was still lazily thrown over his eyes. I guess I hated him because I was hoping for something… not sure what. Just _something_.

"Why do _you_ have to be a dramatic little bitch? Just _go_." He mocked me then hissed through his teeth.

"Goddamn it, Axel!" My hand cramped from squeezing it into such a tight fist. I winced quietly.

"Just go out with your boy toy and let me _sleep_!" He yelled, turning away from me - dismissing me.

I groaned with frustration. "Well aren't _you_ mature?" I bit, turning to the door.

I heard him let out an angry huff. "Just get the fuck _out_!!!" He screamed. I knew Axel had a temper, and could be scary. But it shocked me still how pissed off he sounded.

I left his room and slammed the bedroom door as hard as I could. I definitely felt tears on my cheeks.

"Fuck." I heard him whisper from beyond the door.

I just shook my head and stormed off to my 'beloved boyfriend.' My emotions were running wild. I was pissed, I was sad, I was worried, I was happy, I was nervous, I was excited, I was hopeful, I was hopeless, I was afraid… I couldn't even understand what I was thinking. It was just a big blur of feeling.

But I opened my door to see Hayner standing there, a look of concern taking over his features when he saw my face. I tried to be nonchalant.

"Oh, sorry about that hun, Let's go?" I was trying to sound happy and normal.

"Rox? Everything alright?" He asked, his arm sliding around my shoulders.

"Of course. I just um… got frustrated about something." I gave him a little smile.

"…Alright. Well… I'll cheer you up. Promise." My boyfriend grinned.

_Well, I've heard _that_ before._

* * *

I had to admit, the dinner was very awkward. Hayner was feeling out of the loop and I could tell. And I was being way too self-absorbed to just act happy for once. I was an asshole. I was selfish. I felt bad for Hayner. I fought with him, (technically) cheated on him with my best friend and then ruined the night he planned as his apology to _me_.

"I'm sorry I'm being… weird… tonight." I had barely touched my food.

"Won't you just… tell me what's wrong?" He asked gently.

I sighed. "I just haven't been feeling too good."

_I do feel nauseous. _

Hayner stood up and leaned over the table, putting the back of his hand to my forehead. "You sick, baby? You wanna go home?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. The guilt was painful.

"No, I'm fine." I whispered. I wasn't fine. I couldn't get Axel kissing me out of my head. It was, quite frankly, pissing me off. It was making me _sick_. My stomach felt horrible. I feared I was going to hurl.

But I hated Axel being bitter and immature. _And_ he left the hot cocoa I made for him to just sit and get cold. Okay, I knew that was a stupid thing to say I hated him for but I just wanted to throw that out there.

His actions annoyed me. His screaming upset me. But I couldn't shake the feeling of that Goddamn _kiss_. Or that world-ending fear I felt when I saw him under the ice for that brief moment. I never felt like that before.

"Roxas… you're not fine. You should see the look on your face." The sandy-blonde smirked.

I hummed. "Sorry."

"Well don't freaking apologize!"

I gave him a little smile.

"Better." He gave a quick nod.

_Stop thinking about Axel you retard._ I was mentally abusing myself. I was having a conversation in my head. One of the one's that I thought only happened on lame tv shows.

It went something like this:

_STOP THINKING ABOUT AXEL. STOP THINKING ABOUT AXEL. STOP-_

_**God, I just wanna try kissing him again to see if it-**_

_STOP, ROXAS. NO, you DON'T want to kiss him again. You want to kiss Hayner and no one else. Right?_

_**Just to see if I felt like that because of shock or because-**_

_BECAUSE NOTHING. You are NOT going there._

_**I think I just did.**_

_Shut up!_

_**If I shut up, you'd have to shut up too.**_

_Oh my God. I am talking to myself. In my head. I've lost my mind. Maybe it's the meds I've been taking…_

_**No! It's not the meds! Been taking meds for EVER. Don't kid yourself.**_

_Then what would it be?_

_**You know what it is.**_

_It's not Axel. Don't make a cliché expression out of this._

_**I think I just did.**_

_Wait. Shut up, Roxas. Stop talking to yourself. Stop thinking about Axel._

_**I hope he's staying warm.**_

_What the hell? STOP._

_**I'm wondering as a caring friend.**_

_You should still be pissed._

_**I'm not.**_

_But you should be._

_**He's not straight… he can't be after all that.**_

_Where did that thought come from? PAY ATTENTION TO HAYNER. HAYNER IS GAY. HAYNER LOVES YOU. HAYNER IS YOUR BOYFRIEND._

_**That I cheated on with Axel…**_

"Whoa. Roxas. Stop _spacing_ man. What is your problem?" Hayner blinked, looking a little freaked out as he started at me.

_Roxas, you asshole. You big, fat asshole._

"Sorry. Um…" I couldn't even form a sentence. I was so baffled that I had just been having an insane break down.

"I think you need sleep. C'mon I'll take you home, Roxie." My boyfriend looked disappointed as he left his money for the meal and stood up, but I was grateful.

_Don't feel grateful… you cheated on him. With a straight guy._

_**He is SO not straight.**_

I realized I was starting to do it again. I shook my head, taking a deep breath and sighing.

_I am being RIDICULOUS._

I was being ridiculous.

"Sorry, Hayner." I frowned at him as I stood up as well.

He shrugged and gave me a little smile. "Aw, it's okay. We can get together tomorrow."

I paused and blinked. "Actually… I promised Axel I would go do something with him. I'd cancel, but I'd feel like an ass, y'know?" Axel wanted to drive four cities away to go to this art gallery thing. I wasn't sure if we would still do it if we were fighting, but we always fought and got over it quickly. If we still went, I knew it would be a long, awkward day. I suddenly started wondering if Axel was really just going to pretend the kiss never happened. We would go back to normal. It made me a little sad. But I realized I couldn't expect much else.

"Oh. It's cool. Christmas Eve, then!" He said before holding the door open for me to step outside into the freezing air.

* * *

"Feel better." Hayner said to me as we pulled up to Axel's place.

"Thanks. I will." I smiled at him. He leaned over to give me a peck on the lips and I accepted it, feeling a pang of guilt.

"Hey, Roxas…" Piped up Hayner as I grabbed the handle to get out of the car.

"Hmm?" I turned to him.

"I love you."

_Oh, you worthless piece of crap. Go die in a hole, Roxas. You are a horrible person._

"You too." Close enough.

_You shitbag._

Hayner bit his lip. I couldn't read his face well. Apparently he was contemplating. Maybe he was trying to decide if he should be grateful that I replied at all, even though I technically didn't say I loved him back.

"Bye." I jumped out of the car as fast as I could.

I threw Hayner a tiny wave. He drove away and once his car wasn't in sight I face-palmed myself before heading into the house.

I wanted to have a little talk with Axel.

His door was still shut. Everything was how it was when I left. I softly knocked on his door. "Axe…?" I called quietly, in case he was sleeping.

No answer.

Slowly, I turned the doorknob and cracked it open. The light was still on in the room. Just how I had left it. I opened the door a little more and saw the red head sleeping peacefully. His head was partially buried in his pillow.

I felt the corners of my lips turn up a little, but then I frowned at myself. I needed to stop my sudden infatuation with Axel and I knew it.

I quietly walked over, shutting off the lamp. Then I turned and left his room - shutting the door behind me a _lot_ lighter than I had just hours before.

* * *

"Roxie? Rox? Roxas… wake up. You're having another nightmare." I heard Axel's voice but I couldn't pull myself out of fear. I was frozen in a state that I had found myself in many times. Many, _many_ times. I was aware I was dreaming but somehow I couldn't get out of it. I was stuck feeling terrified even though I was laying there and nothing was really happening to me - but I felt like it was.

I felt Axel's hand push some of my hair back. As I slowly came more into consiousness I could hear myself breathing eratically and I felt how hot my body was, I was sweating. And I sobbed as I pushed myself to sit up, my eyes fluttering open finally. I rubbed my eyes and felt hot tears on my cheeks. Axel's hand continuously pushed my sweaty bangs back.

"Rox? Jesus, are you okay? This is the worst I've ever seen you." When my vision stopped blurring I noticed how tired and stressed Axel looked. I always felt bad every night, waking him up. It never failed to pain me.

But somehow I was always so glad to see him. So relieved to see someone I could feel safe with. Relieved to see I wasn't alone with my fear.

I closed my eyes and sighed, annoyed with myself. I would give anything for one restful night. "I'm sorry… _again_." A line I had used countless times. But I always meant it.

Axel moved his hand away from my bangs to wipe at my face. In my groggy stupor I had forgotten about the kiss and my newfound infatution. I suddenly felt a blush creeping onto my face because of his touch. I mentally hit myself.

My best friend didn't seem to notice. He pulled his hand away from my face finally, allowing me to let out the breath I'd been holding.

"Need anything?" He asked me.

I shook my head no, unable to open my mouth.

_God, I haven't felt like this since high school_.

Axel let out a little yawn, running his fingers through his hair.

I slumped to my right, against the couch.

He scooted back so his back was leaning against the arm of the couch, he motioned with his hand for me to move closer to him. I did so hesitantly.

Axel pulled me into him. My head was suddenly against his chest. My arms were instinctively locking around his torso. Everything above my waist was on top of him. There were many nights like this, but suddenly the position was making me have butterflies.

I relaxed, then spoke lazily. "I don't hate you, you know." I winced as I thought about our previous fight.

"I know." He answered, his fingers snaking into my hair.

I tried to ignore the tingling on the back of my head, and the sudden multiply of butterflies.

"I hate this." I whispered. He knew I meant the nightmares.

"I know." His voice got quieter, his hand running in circles in my hair. I knew he was tired. "And I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier."

I nuzzled into him. "It's okay." He moved his hand from my hair just to rest on my back. I just wanted to freeze time.

I wanted to ask him again why he kissed me, but I was too exhausted for a heightened-emotion conversation. I decided I would hold that off. I knew we had time.

"What if it never goes away?" I whispered in case he had fallen asleep. His breathing had become slower. I was talking about the nightmares.

"It will." He replied simply.

"But what _if_…"

"Just go to sleep, Roxie." Axel's voice was a whisper, but he said it sternly. He started rubbing my back and I practically purred at the comfort.

And I fell asleep when he told me to, just like I did every night that he came out and stayed with me. Sometimes we wouldn't even talk at all - he'd just wake me up, then we'd curl up and sit together in silence until we were sleeping.

And as much as I loved Axel when he was being sweet like that, I wanted the nightmares to stop. I hated having them and I hated my best friend being woken up every single freaking night. I couldn't emphasize that enough.

* * *

I woke up to the doorbell. It startled me, and Axel as well. He jumped up, making me tumble off the couch.

"Sorry." He blinked before rubbing his eyes. He groaned and walked over to answer the door while I stood and tried to make myself look like I hadn't just woke up.

"Demyx?!" I heard the red head hiss.

I looked over at Axel who was standing in the doorway with his jaw dropped. Then I saw a sandy blonde plow right inside, tackle Axel with a hug, then squeal like a little girl. "I can't stand it anymore, Axie. I miss you!" Then, to my complete and utter surprise, Demyx's mouth was on Axel's.

My blood ran cold and my heart stopped beating… just before I felt it break into a million little pieces.

* * *

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

**Yeah. I'm that mean. And you'll have to wait another month. Maybe more because I'll be working on POS and I have a feeling I won't be writing as much as usual because I have videos I have to work on for stuff on YouTube, AND I just got a PSP with a handful of new games. Trying to play through all of them. You guys do know why I got the PSP, yes? XDD BIRTH BY SLEEP COMING OUT SOOOON!**

**...Thanks to my lovelies. I wouldn't be here without you: **Payge, NinjaSheik, BloodieMondei, r3tro Roxel, ValindaBlade, , DarkAngelGrl22567, love-less emo neko, NoDiggity, XevagirlX, Vanilla Twilight, The Emerald Shapeshifter, RecklessxDreamer, EternityEchoes, Mamma's Freaky Child, Narwe, SarahXxUnlovedXx (**forgotten last time**), SarcasticProcrastinator-AMLF, Utsuro, AllSheNeedsIsLove, Regidork, WolfClawAlchemist, blood as soft as silk, and Twinkle-DusT. **Whew. That took me like ten minutes to write out. X_X I really wish you all Happy Holidays and I hope this chapter was up to par. (: **

**Don't neglect our good old friend: THE REVIEW BUTTON, okay? 8D He needs some holiday lovin. Not that you guys have been doing a bad job with showing him love. He just can't get enough. :P**

**xox Rose  
**


	6. Chapter Six

**So. It's been over a month. Sorry. Time goes by so fast. And I'm so busy with so much right now. Plus another Akuroku story. It wouldn't be so bad if I was only working on one story - but I'm not. On the bright side, a few weeks ago, I dyed my hair bright red - which I've always wanted to do - and I also went to a Flyleaf, Breaking Benjamin, Three Days Grace concert since they're all on tour together. (: IT WAS AMAZING! AND WE WERE RIGHT UP FRONT NEAR THE STAGE!**

**The mosh pit was painful though.**

**Anyways, here is another chapter of Vulnerable. :P My other story just hit over 100 reviews. Let's see if the numbers can go up for this story too!**

**Song for this chapter is Just So You Know by Jesse McCartney. I don't think there could be a better song choice for this story. Ever. I mean… seriously. Listen to it. (:**

**ONWARD!**

* * *

_"Just so you know…_

_This feeling's taking control of me._

_And I can't help it._

_I won't sit around. I can't let him win now." _

**Chapter Six.**

All I could think was, _whatthehell, whatthehell, whattheHELL?_! The image of Demyx kissing Axel was burned into my brain. The kiss had only lasted maybe twenty seconds at most, mostly because Axel kind of squirmed out of Demyx's grasp. But it was still the most traumatizing twenty seconds of my life. Actually… after all I've been through, I shouldn't exaggerate about being traumatized… but what the HELL?!

My gaze switched quickly between the red head and Demyx. Axel looked like he was utterly shocked. He wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve, a disgruntled look on his face. Demyx, on the other hand, looked confident and proud of himself. Until he turned and locked eyes with me.

"…Oh." Disappointment filled his voice. "Um, Hi… Roxas." The sandy blonde gave a half-hearted little wave.

_Thanks for noticing me, Demyx. I couldn't _help _but notice _you.

I tried not to snarl possessively when I replied back to him. "…Hi." I snarled possessively. Oops. At least I tried.

Axel bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment before he folded his arms and glared at Demyx. "Demyx? Seriously, what the hell? Why are you here?"

I looked at Demyx.

"Are you with Roxas now? I thought you said-"

"Demyx! Focus! Why. Are. You. _Here_?!" Axel looked really pissed, and uncomfortable, and upset, and… pissed.

_Wait. What? Thought he said what?_

I watched the unexpected guest pout. "Well… I haven't really gotten over you since we broke up and I--"

_WHAT?! WHAT?!_

Luckily, my phone started going off and I dived for it. I wanted an excuse to escape the immensely awkward situation I was in. So when I saw Hayner's name on the caller ID I couldn't have been happier. I felt two pairs of eyes on me as I answered my phone and hid in the bathroom.

"Hey, Rox! Are you feeling better, babe?" My boyfriend's cheery voice filled my ears.

"Mhmm…" I answered distantly. I was trying to make out the words of Axel and Demyx's conversation.

"…Are you sure? You've been so… I don't know… weird lately. Are you still mad at me?" Sadness lingered in his words.

Again, I was attacked by the Guilt Monster. I leaned against the tiled wall and closed my eyes. "No, hun, I'm not mad at you. I'm fine. I just woke up."

"Oh. Okay. Well sorry if I woke you up. I know you have plans today. So I'll let you go. I just wanted to say hi."

"Hi." I practically whisper. I opened my eyes and smiled sadly at the blonde in the mirror.

Hayner chuckled. "Okay, call or text me later if you want, k? Love you."

"…Love you too." I said quietly and unconvincingly before hanging up.

The Guilt Monster chomped on my heart. I didn't fight him off. I was too exhausted. So I continued leaning against the wall while I allowed the excruciating pain to overcome me and settle in my bones.

He could feast on my heart all he wished, though, and he would still be the least of my problems.

I couldn't get over the fact that Axel had _kept_ things from me. He was the one person in the world that I had completely trusted. I was afraid to tell him about Riku, yes, but that was different. He couldn't even tell me about who he was dating! I wanted so desperately to march out there and tell him off, but all I could do was lean against the bathroom wall and collect tears in my eyes to the point where my vision was blurry and there was a large lump in my throat. I tried swallowing it down numerous times but it just wouldn't budge.

After a few attempts of trying to calm down, I felt tears literally spilling onto my cheeks. It set me off and I let out a sob without meaning to. I slapped the hand that wasn't still holding my cell against my lips. I hoped to God they hadn't heard me.

As I leaned into the mirror, trying to wipe all traces of crying off my face, I heard Axel clearly shout. "No!"

I froze, trying to see if I could hear Demyx's reply. But I couldn't. All I heard was a slight whine of his voice. I shoved my cell in my pocket and composed myself enough to leave the bathroom. I couldn't hide in there forever.

When I re-entered the living room I felt insanely self-conscious. They both looked at me, instantly ceasing their conversation. _God, is it obvious that I was crying?! Damnit! Damnit!_

Axel turned his attention back to Demyx. "So, like I was saying, Roxas and I are going somewhere out of town today. So I don't have much more time to talk. Sorry." He sounded irritated. Beyond irritated.

Demyx sighed dramatically. "But… Axe…" Then he sounded heartbroken.

"Axel… why don't you take Demyx instead of me?" It was out of my mouth before I could stop it. I had been looking so forward to going with Axel, but I really didn't want to spend any time with Axel at that moment. I still couldn't fathom how much he'd kept from me.

The redhead looked at me wide-eyed, like he couldn't comprehend what I had just said.

Demyx looked at me with bewilderment.

"But…" Axel frowned.

"I can just go hang out at Hayner's." I heard a bit of venom in my voice. I wanted to take it back. There was stuff going on between us that wasn't being said, and the tension was dense.

Demyx looked between Axel and I, seeming to sense something himself. He said nothing. I could tell that he wanted to go with Axel though. From what I remembered, Demyx was really nice. As much as I didn't want him with Axel - he had come to see him because he missed him. If Axel was really gay, Demyx was a much better person for him than I was. They were actually in the same age group, for starters…

Tears filled my eyes again but I blinked them away.

_If Axel really ever liked me, he would have told me ages ago._

"But we've been planning this for-" My best friend's resolve was fading. There wasn't much more he could say without seriously insulting Demyx, which Axel was much too nice to do. He would take Demyx, and maybe complain about it to me later, or maybe not. All I knew was that I wanted to go see Hayner - the actual boyfriend who actually loved me.

"I know, Axe. But you weren't expecting him to show. Just take him." I had to remind myself to keep my expressions in control.

Axel locked his jaw and gave me a glare that would have had me drop dead if looks could kill before turning to his, what I assumed to be, ex-boyfriend. "Do you _want_ to go?"

"Well… I, uh.." Demyx's face turned red.

"C'mon then let's go, I don't want to be late." Huffed my friend as he threw on his pea coat and shoes (not his combat boots - since those had gotten ruined).

I put on my own shoes and coat, not even bothering to change, though I was still wearing my outfit from the day before, and walked to the door. "I'll text you later." I said to Axel monotonously.

He nodded. He was fuming and Demyx looked embarrassed and uncomfortable.

I was out the door and into the cold before they were. I got in my car just as I saw them leave the house. I sucked in a shaky breath and started it up, letting it warm for a few minutes.

As the engine purred and idled, I sat frozen and lost in thought. I felt like my emotions had completely faded away. I knew I was upset, but I couldn't feel it. It was starting to hit me how I had really felt about Axel, and it frightened me. Which I think was part of the reason why I sent him off with Demyx. It made sense in a weird, twisted way.

_Maybe all the Riku stuff has turned me into a nutcase…_

It was December and I hadn't seen Riku in months, I had still thought of him every day. His face would enter my mind occasionally, a good memory or a bad one - and it was something I couldn't prevent. I wondered where he was and what happened to him. All I knew was that he was still on the run. I wondered if he even felt sorry. I hoped he was glad that he had thrown away his life - college, work, a home, he had had everything. I wondered if his mother found out about what he had done. I wondered if he had completely separated himself from all of his friends and family. I wondered if he felt shame and remorse. I wondered _so _many things.

The officer that was at my house the night Riku tried to… kill me… occasionally called just to tell us that they haven't found him yet. They couldn't look in other towns, that was up to the cops _there_, but they were in contact with the cops in the county. He kept assuring me that Riku wouldn't get away with what he did.

I sighed and put my car into reverse as I backed out of the driveway. I glanced at Axel's truck. He was looking at me through his window. Our eyes connected and I felt my face heat up. He looked so upset.

I ripped my gaze away from his and threw the car into drive, speeding immediately down the street. By habit, I flicked on the radio and cranked it up.

Falling For You by Colbie Caillat was in mid-song. I shut it off immediately, cringing at the lyrics.

_Oh… yeah I have to call Hayner._ I pulled out my cell as I slowed to a red light, clicking on his name in my contacts.

After a ring and a half he answered.

"Hi, Rox!" He sounded surprised to hear me.

"Hey Hayner. So um, change of plans. Can I come hang out with you?"

"Course! Come right over. What happened, though?" The happiness in his voice made me feel horrid.

"Oh, nothing. His old friend came up and he only had two tickets. I told him I could just hang out with you for the day."

"…You make it sound like hanging out with me for the day is a chore." The happiness faded.

"Oh, no!" I said quickly. "I didn't mean it like that. I swear. I mean, I was a little disappointed but--"

The light changed, so I focused on my driving as I moved onward.

Hayner chuckled. "It's alright, Roxas. I know." I think he started to be quite suspicious of me right then.

"Well, I'll be over in a few, k?"

"Yep! See you soon, babe." The happiness drifted back into his words just before hanging up.

I flipped my phone shut, sliding it back into my pocket.

* * *

I knocked a couple times on Hayner's door before he opened it. He smiled and grabbed my hand as soon as he saw me, tugging through the entrance. As soon as I was inside, he shut the door before planting a chaste kiss on my lips.

Kissing him suddenly felt so foreign and strange to me, but the look on his face softened my mood. In front of me was someone who cared about me. Someone who seemed to change from sarcastic and bad-tempered to adorable and caring whenever I was around him.

Disrupting me from my thoughts, Lena came charging at me, instantly pawing at my leg.

"Haha, she loves you." Hayner said as he scooped up the little blonde dog to hand to me.

I held her in my arms and she licked at my face playfully. I giggled. One good thing about Hayner - he had an awesome dog.

The entire time I knew Hayner before we started dating, I would have _never_ pictured him to have a tiny dog named Lena, or a brightly colored house, or to be sweet, or shy, or… gay. He always reeked of the bad-ass, tough-guy attitude.

I scratched behind Lena's ear as Hayner and I shuffled over to the couch where we casually plunked ourselves down. His arm wrapped around my shoulders and he pulled me against him. His dog kept ramming her nose into my hand. It was cute.

I leaned against Hayner, suddenly feeling comfortable and relaxed. I enjoyed his body heat and his arm that was securely around me.

Then my boyfriend kissed my forehead gently and I knew…

Something just wasn't… _right_.

But I smiled up at him, regardless. _I'm just being stupid_.

"So you wanna just watch some movies and order pizza today?" He asked me.

"Sounds good." I grinned.

Lena jumped out of my arms and trotted off into the kitchen. I sat up straight and ran my fingers through my hair.

_I wonder what Axel and Demyx are doing…_

I realized I was clutching my hair with frustration.

My boyfriend spoke and his voice was strained: "Roxas? You can talk to me about stuff that is upsetting you. You know that. Right?"

I sighed warily and leaned my head against his shoulder as I was suddenly brutally attacked by the Guilt Monster.

_Dear Guilt Monster, Please go eat someone else's heart. Sincerely, Me. _

He rubbed my arm, trying to comfort me. I felt a surge of admiration for him. I loosely wrapped an arm around his torso. "I know…"

He kissed the top of my head and then lingered, talking into my hair. "Want me to put on a movie now? You can pick anything I have."

"Sure." I said. "But you pick. I'll watch anything."

"Alright." He said cheerfully before ruffling my hair and lightly pushing me over so he could stand up.

* * *

After watching two movies consecutively and cuddling the whole time, I was getting slightly bored. My thoughts would go to Axel every ten minutes and it was getting stressful. I was looking for something to distract myself, and as the credits rolled I looked at Hayner and then kissed him full on the mouth.

I felt bad, but I just didn't want to think about Axel. I wanted to think about Hayner. He kissed me back and I could tell he was happy. I was being so much more lovey dovey than I usually was to him.

My arms wound up around his neck; his around my waist. Our kisses would fluctuate between soft and hard. It was kinda nice, but I felt like an actor playing his part perfectly in the play so that the audience wouldn't believe he was acting even if he told them.

When our lips parted, he gave me a few little kisses on my neck. I felt myself blush. I had to resist the urge to abruptly pull away.

"Hmm…" He spoke quietly.

"What?" I asked.

"You can't even see any traces that there was ever such a bad mark on your neck. I remember the first time you came here…" Hayner paused and blinked, sitting up straight. "Sorry. I shouldn't have brought that up."

I tensed up for a moment, then relaxed. "…It's okay. It's been months."

"Do you still think about what happened a lot?" He asked me.

"Mhmm." I looked down.

"Sorry." He apologized again. "Sometimes I just think about it. Even though I know I don't know that much about it. I just… wow, never mind. I'm gonna shut up now." He chuckled a bit before tilting up my chin to give me one more kiss. "Want me to order us some pizza for lunch?"

I half-smiled at him, nodding a bit.

* * *

It was six-thirty when Axel texted me. Hayner and I were still stuffed from pizza (he got two extra larges because he is completely nuts) and sleepy from watching multiple movies. We were still just on the couch, like lazy bums. Lena was curled up in my lap.

My phone vibrated and when I opened it up it said "1 NEW MSG".

_I just got home… so you can come back whenever you want. We really need to talk._

I felt my heart skip a beat at the last sentence. Fear washed over my body. _What if he's dating Demyx again? What if Demyx wants to live with us? Oh God… _

"Hey, Hayner?" I squeeked. My finger was on the reply button.

"Yeah, babe?"

"Do you think I could… spend the night?" _Ah fuck. _

He blinked.

_I didn't mean it that way. I just want to… not go home. Shit. Shit._

He smiled. "Yeah. You don't have to ask, Rox."

I blushed. _This is going to end badly._

I pressed the reply button and texted out my response:

_sry axel but I alrdy told hayner that I would spend the nite…_

I held my breath as I pressed send. I wanted to ask if Demyx was still with him but I didn't.

* * *

Three and a half hours later? Still no reply from Axel. I hoped he wasn't mad at me. _What if Demyx is over and they're screwing each other's brains--- ew. Stop that thought. _

I sighed against Hayner. He probably thought it was a sigh of contentment, considering we _were_ making out. But I wasn't even paying attention. I was on some sort of auto-pilot. His hands slid up my shirt and I had to do everything in my power not to shove them down. We had gotten pretty heated several times, but I always, always, always, always stopped him before he went too far. Always.

The two of us were in his bed. All I could taste and smell was the wine that we had had. My stomach was flip-flopping and I feared I was going to vomit pizza and wine all over poor Hayner. I didn't understand how he could _not_ sense my tension.

My heart was racing a mile a minute. It was hard for me to breathe. He was so intense and I was so nervous. I knew what he was going for, but I didn't _want_ him to touch me. _Call me old fashioned, but I would really like to be in love with a person before I let them make love to me._

His hand went for the front of my pants and I panicked, breaking away from our kiss. "H-Hayner…" I squeeked nervously.

At first I was afraid he would take it as me egging him on, but I guess I got my tone of voice right. Plus, he was used to my multiple rejections. He blinked and sat up straighter, looking directly at me. "What, babe?" He reached out and rubbed my arm up and down slowly. His hand had moved away from my pants, fortunately.

"I--" _What the hell do I say? _"I just…" I bit my lip, and mentally cursed at myself every curse word I knew in alphabetical order. _Asshole, bastard, cunt, dick…_

He stopped rubbing my arm and instead just squeezed it gently. "Riku… hurt you really bad I guess, didn't he?"

I swallowed.

"I don't know what it feels like… to be hurt like that. I know it's horrible. But I don't know what it actually _feels_ like. So sometimes I just forget…" He paused. "It must be hard to trust people after something like that happens."

I knew that I didn't really have trust issues with people. Just because one guy was a dick, didn't mean the rest of the world was. I knew that the reason I was freaked out around Hayner had nothing to do with Riku at all. Which was why I felt horrible when I nodded.

"That's why you're so weird around me sometimes, isn't it?" The sandy-blonde removed his hand from my arm to brush against my cheek with it. He looked concerned.

I felt the guilt building in my chest. _God, I don't want to feel so shameful anymore…_

I went on a full-fledged guilt trip as I nodded my head. My heart felt heavy and tears sprung into my eyes. _Why am I such a horrible person? _

I caught his eyes and then flopped over so I was laying on my back, my head hitting a pillow. My boyfriend leaned on his side and touched my hair.

"Rox… I can't say I know how you feel… but I do understand, and I would never do anything to hurt you, babe. I promise." Pushing back some of my bangs, Hayner left a little kiss on my forehead.

I started to really cry then, for so many reasons. Hayner was being so nice to me and I didn't deserve it. I was a liar, a cheater, and an all-around dousche bag. I couldn't stop thinking about Axel and if I had lost him to Demyx forever. I just was having one of those break downs where you hate everything, and feel bad for everything, and can't find anything optimistic in your life.

Hayner was leaning over me, wiping my tears off my face. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. "Rox…" He cooed sympathetically. "Don't cry…"

I felt a surge of anger for no reason. I didn't want _Hayner_ touching and comforting me. I wanted Axel.

I remembered the first night I was away from home as a little kid. I was so homesick that I felt I would never get upset about anything else ever again if someone would just take me home. That was how I felt right then. I just wanted to go back to Axel's and see him so I could feel better again.

"I'm sorry…" I said, sniffling.

"No… I'm sorry, Roxas. Are you gonna be okay?" He smoothed my hair with his hand. He rested his head next to my shoulder, his cheek half on his pillow and half on mine. He was looking at me while I just looked up at the ceiling.

_No. _"Yeah…" I cleared my throat.

He snuggled against my side and put a hand on my stomach. "You wanna get some sleep?" He asked me quietly.

I nodded. It would make the morning come faster.

"Alright." He rolled over to turn off the lamp on his side of the bed. The room was suddenly blanketed in darkness.

I felt his warmth once again as he returned to snuggle up at my side. He tugged a comforter over us. I felt his lips against my cheek for a brief moment for a little goodnight-kiss. "You can wake me up whenever you need to if something's bothering you."

"Thanks." I said, and turned my head towards his a little bit. "Hey, Hayner?"

"Hmm?" He asked. His hand was on my stomach again and he rubbed it lightly.

"I might accidentally wake you up in the middle of the night because… sometimes I have these… nightmares." I felt stupid for saying it. Plus, it wasn't _sometimes_. It was _all the time_. I knew I would end up waking him up.

"That why you never wanted to stay over?"

"…Yeah." I partly lied.

"I'll be here to make them go away." I could hear a little smile in his voice.

_No. I want _Axel _here to make them go away._

I sniffled a bit. I had calmed down and I was certainly ready for sleep.

"I'll shut up. You seem tired." Hayner whispered. "I love you. Night." He cuddled into me more.

I felt a little awkward with him all over me. I wished I was sleeping on Axel's couch.

I closed my eyes and try not to think of Axel. I listened to Hayner's peaceful breathing until sleep captured me.

* * *

When my eyes opened, I was panting. I was in complete darkness and I heard someone breathing next to me. That's when I remembered I was at Hayner's.

The haunting image of a scowling Riku was still in my mind. But I pushed it away. I wanted Axel. I had had a nightmare and he wasn't here. Hayner hadn't even woken up, but he _had_ somehow ended up rolling away from me in the night.

I sighed and reached into my pocket for my phone to see what time it was. When I opened it, it said I had a received a message an hour ago.

It was from Axel.

_I miss you._

I don't know how long I looked at the message. But for a long time I was just staring at it, not even letting my thoughts process.

_He misses me?_

I shut my phone abruptly, aggravated. Axel didn't know that I wasn't really into Hayner! For all he knew we could have been… doing stuff… when he sent that text! The idiot.

_Is he just trying to mess with me? Or… maybe he's just being Axel-the-Typical-Best-Friend. _

I forgot that I still hadn't seen the time. I looked. 2:37.

_That's it?_

I slammed my phone shut. It sounded so loud in the quiet room. Hayner never twitched. He was breathing so quietly, I wondered if he was actually awake.

I closed my eyes while still holding the phone in my hand. Who the hell did Axel think he was? For years, he told me how horrible Riku was, but insisted he was straight, then treats me like a little kid and practically forces me to live with him while he butters me up to death, then he kisses me, then yells at me for being with Hayner, then I find out he's really gay (or bi, whatever) because his ex-_boyfriend_ shows up at the door and _kisses him in front of me_, then he spends the day with him and texts me "I miss you".

Who does that?

And I knew that things between Axel and I would never be the same. But I wasn't ready. So I just wanted to avoid him. Forever, if possible. I missed him, and I didn't want Demyx to have him, and I most certainly had feelings for him, but at that moment - I was mad and a bit frightened.

Without replying back, I let my thoughts wander until I drifted back to sleep.

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**And I stop there. Lots of feelings and thoughts in this chapter as opposed to dialogue and events. I actually had to cut this chapter in half because I didn't want to post a huuugggeee, long chappie. But that means that you will get an update very very soon. The next chapter is going to be so much fun! 8D So I hope you could bare with this boring one.**

**Taking a break from Promises of Summer as I finish this story up. Few more chapters to go and Vulnerable will be finished. Yes, I will post a link to the soundtrack. (:**

**Writing is getting progressively harder for me to do. Maybe because I'm becoming slightly more of a perfectionist. I'm tweaking every little detail every five seconds. Ech. **

**Review button likes attention. I like feedback. **

**Love you guys!**

**Xox Rose**


	7. Chapter Seven

**Ohmygod. I suck at updating. I get busier every freaking day! Sorrysorrysorry. This story is almost done-ish. Two to three more chapters. I promise I will deliver! You all have been so good to me and I don't deserve it. In fact, I have so many reviewers now it would take me ages to write everyone's names. So I won't. But thanks to all approximately forty of you individuals. And I really hope you enjoy this chappie. Also, I hope you guys have noticed Roxas's personality and thoughts changing slightly since the first chapter. It's intentional. He's 'becoming himself again'. (:**

**COLLIDE BY HOWIE DAY FOR THIS CHAPTER!**

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"_I found I'm_

_Scared to know_

_I'm always on your mind."_

**Chapter Seven.**

After a long morning and a slightly awkward lunch with Hayner, I was finally free to go back 'home'.

But only for a little while.

You see, after I woke up the next morning by Lena licking my face and wishing to be fed, Hayner and I got to talking. Somewhere in our conversation he asked if I would stay the night again - and I was so annoyed with the entire Axel situation still that I just had to say,

"Yes. Sure. Why not?"

But Hayner, the adorable little thing that he is probably caught on to my tone because his face got all twisted in hurt as he looked at me and squeaked out, "Y-you don't have to if-if you don't want to, Rox…"

_I think I like him better when he's cussing people out and threatening to kill their mothers. _

"No! I want to!" I lied through my teeth.

But there I was, driving in my car. The plan was to go to the house, take a quick shower and change my clothes as fast as possible so that Hayner could come pick me up without me having to look at Axel's stupid face. But like I said, it was a plan… and who _ever_ has a plan that goes perfectly?

* * *

My heart ached as I stepped into the house quietly. I didn't want to see him, but I did. I wanted to hurry, but I wanted to take more time than necessary. It was maddening.

The first thing I noticed was the heavy paint fumes. Sure enough, Axel steps through his bedroom door with his hair tied loosely back and his body clothed in sweats. He was wiping his hands on a filthy washcloth. "…Hey." He gave me a smile. It seemed sad.

"Hi." I breathed. I didn't understand why everything between us was so suddenly different. Nothing really happened. Why did it feel like it? I cleared my throat. "Um. I have to hurry! I'm, uh, going back to Hayner's. I'm just here to take a--"

"What?" Axel tossed his washcloth into the bathroom. His eyes narrowed at me.

"I…I…"

_What the hell…_

"I… he… he really didn't want to be alone for Christmas Eve." I lied.

"….Oh but it's okay for _me _to be?" My best friend rolled his eyes and took a step closer to me.

I swallowed, "No. But he's my boyfriend and… Axel, I really have to hurry, okay? I'll be back tomorrow. At least you'll get another night where you can sleep without me waking you up, right?"

The red head scoffed, "I didn't sleep at _all _last night."

I ignored that, "What happened with Dem-"

"Who _cares_ about Demyx?! We're not gonna be seeing him again, trust me." He hissed.

I blinked, and then shimmied closer to the bathroom. "I would really like to take a shower."

"...Fine. I'm not stopping you." He shot me an awful look before returning to his room.

I grabbed an outfit blindly and scurried into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. My breath caught in my throat.

_How can just one kiss make me feel so weird around you?_

_How can seeing another guy kiss you make me want to curl up in a ball and die?_

_How can getting a text from you that says 'I miss you' bother me so much?_

I inhaled, cursed my hormones, and took a nice hot shower, mulling over my thoughts the whole time. Hayner, Axel, Hayner, Riku, Hayner, Axel, Axel, Axel, Riku, Hayner, Axel… Axel…

_Boys, can't live with them - can't live without them._

By the time I got out, dried, and dressed - I was a nervous wreck. My insides were twisted like a pretzel. I didn't understand why I was feeling so jumpy and jittery.

My hair was still wet and sticking every which way when I entered the living room again. I gathered the stuff I needed in a bag as fast as possible and gave Axel my best apologetic look. He was just standing in the middle of the living room, arms folded, lost in thought.

"Axe… I really have to go. I'll be back tomorrow." I avoided eye contact, I really did feel awful. I know I would hate to be alone on Christmas. But Christmas was really not on my mind in the slightest. I was just feeling so tense around him. I had to get away, or who knew what I would do?

My best friend unfolded his arms and walked over to me slowly. "Wait…"

"He's gonna be here any second. I really have to--" I started to turn to towards the door.

"I said _wait_, damnit." The red-head grabbed both my shoulders and pushed me up against the wall. I clutched my bag tightly in my head and gasped. I had an immediate adrenaline rush and almost shoved him away, but I relaxed when I saw his face.

He didn't want to hurt me, he wanted to plead with me.

"Roxas… Please. Don't. Leave." His face was inches from mine. I could feel his breath hitting my skin. I could smell nothing but paint. His hair was messy, tied back, and loose strands hung in front of his face. I immediately grew weak.

When he tilted his head slightly closer to mine I felt that heavy feeling in my chest that you get when you're holding your breath underwater. Except I wasn't underwater. I just couldn't breathe. His hands grasped my shoulders tighter as he closed the gap between us. My eyes squeezed shut and I felt all my stress melt away.

In an instant, I dropped my bag and flung my arms around his neck - kissing him back long and deep as if it was the most natural thing in the world. His hands trailed up my arms to rest over _my_ hands, as if to make sure they'd stay there. He leaned into me and the paint scent was overpowering.

We had to break for air a couple times. My heart was thudding so hard I was afraid it was going to spontaneously combust in my chest. I couldn't believe how good his lips tasted.

When we finally broke apart for more than three seconds, he rested his forehead against mine. His fingers wrapped around each of my wrists. I was disappointed but also thankful to have a chance to breathe.

"Roxas, listen, I--" Heavy breathing. "I can explain everything. I suck at this I… I know you must be so confused and pissed off. I'm sorry. I just… I don't know. I'm sorry." He winced at his words. He must have been worried about feeling stupid, but his uncertainty was just that much more appealing to me.

I gave a shy smile up at him.

"I-- I know you're with Hayner. I'm stupid. I'm sorry. Just listen for a minute, okay?" Axel's face was twisted in frustration. He was even blushing a bit. I was surprised he couldn't sense my immense happiness radiating off of me.

_Did I just make out with my best friend?_

His warm body shifted against mine just slightly as he gulped in some air ready to tell me whatever he had to tell me.

_That would be a YES_.

"Okay, so-" He began.

Then there was a knock at the door.

_Shit._

"Shit." I squeaked.

I felt Axel tense, but he didn't let go of me. He forced his eyes to lock with mine. I felt his panic. "Roxas… Iloveyou. I--" His eyes widened. "Shit. Fuck. Ugh."

I blinked. Paralyzed. _Excuse me?_

"Like… love you… love you. I mean. Not… I-- Oh my fuck. Roxas, I fucking _LOVE_ you." My best friend trembled a little, his voice breathless. "I love you."

There was another knock on the door.

I felt like vomiting. Axel looked like he was panicking more and more. I couldn't find anything to say. I was completely frozen in place. His hands began to release mine and before I knew it, I was just standing against the wall with my hands hanging limply at my sides. I felt cold without his warm body up against mine. He backed off and he looked like a very abused puppy. Trust me, I had seen that look in the mirror plenty of times.

I didn't know why I felt like such a deer in the headlights. I was so startled. So much shock. But my first priority was to get rid of Hayner. I looked at a practically traumatized Axel, I couldn't muster a "be right back" because I was so frazzled so I just hurried to the door as a third knock came.

I could tell on his face, the moment Hayner looked at me, that he knew something wasn't right. I shut the door behind me carefully and stood on the steps. The sandy blonde frowned. "What… is it?"

"Hayner. I… have bad timing. And I suck. You're perfect. But I-" My voice sounded unfamiliar.

"You're… in love with Axel, aren't you?" My boyfriend looked down.

I sighed. He sniffled. I looked away.

"If Axel never decided to stop by my house, I wouldn't be here today. He has saved me in so many ways… and I'm only realizing now that I think I love him. I think I've always loved him. Why did I never see it before?" It was out of my mouth, tumbling invisibly in the air. But I felt the presence of the words as they hung over my head. What I said was real. What I said was true.

_I love Axel. I always have…_

"I'm sorry Hayner." I whispered.

"I thought he was straight." He bit back tears.

"I thought he was too." I said honestly.

_I really did._

There was an awkward silence. And then…

"Have a good Christmas, Roxas…" My ex-boyfriend turned and walked to his car before letting me say anything in return. I wouldn't have known what to say anyway. I didn't want to insult him by saying, "You too."

After watching him drive away, I tried to process all that had just happened, and all that was about to happen. My gears wouldn't turn though. I was just standing in the cold, still in shock. I took a deep breath without planning what I was going to say to Axel. I braced myself and hurried back into the warm house.

What I saw was not was I was planning to see. Axel was turned away from the door, but he whipped around when he heard me come back in. And his face was puffy and red.

My best friend began wiping at his eyes and cheeks frantically, sniffling. He looked embarrassed.

"…Axe…" I called softly, walking over to him. "Axel… it's okay…calm down." I tentatively wrapped my arms around him and looked up at him.

"I… that wasn't how I wanted that to go… Wait, you're not going with him?" The red-head sniffled once more.

I wiped at his face with my fingertips nervously. I hated seeing him upset and I wasn't sure what else I could do. "No. I broke up with him. I just _kissed_ someone else, smart one." I tried teasing, but I sounded off.

He opened his mouth but he looked a little… lost.

I tried again. "I'm single on Christmas Eve. It's a shame, huh?"

_Please stop crying, please stop crying…_

My whole life. Axel had been my best friend for my whole life. But the way he smiled at me at that moment made it all disappear and he was suddenly transformed into something so much more than a best friend. "I think I can fix that." He said gently, recovering his voice.

_Wow…_

I smiled. He tilted up my chin and kissed me. I leaned into it, tightening my arms around him. We rocked a bit as we fought over dominance of the kiss as it deepened. I rubbed slow circles on his back until he pinned me up against the wall again, then I clutched onto the back of his shirt - wringing the fabric with my fingers as his tongue dove into my mouth.

I had to admit - I was scared. I was scared we were going too fast. I was scared something bad was going to happen between us. I was scared he didn't mean that he loved me. I was scared about the fact that I really loved _him_. I was scared that I was scared. It was all so overwhelming. But I tried pushing everything out of my mind as his lips continued morphing with mine.

Axel's hands traveled down from my neck to my hips, just barely sliding his fingertips under my shirt. I felt my cheeks heat up.

Without warning he broke his lips from mine, kissing the corner of my mouth instead, then my cheek, and then down to my neck where his tongue flicked against my skin lightly. I inhaled sharply, not being able to help it.

…_Is this really happening?_

The red-head bit lightly on my neck and sucked on the skin there tenderly. I raked one of my hands in his massively thick, tied-back hair. His hands traveled higher up my shirt and I felt myself getting hotter all over as he completely pressed himself into me.

It was so much more different than anything I had felt before. I was on foreign territory and I liked it.

_Good Lord. Toto, we are _not _in Kansas anymore._

I winced when Axel pulled away from my neck. The area stung a bit. He noticed my discomfort and kissed it lightly before leaving little pecks on the rest of my neck, causing me to have to tilt my head back slightly. I swooned at the feeling.

As he started caressing my chest and moving his mouth along my jaw line, that's where my memory goes kind of fuzzy. Everything was happening really fast. I was lost in him. All I could think about was him, the smell of paint, and his warmth.

_He still hasn't 'explained' anything to me yet… _He tugged off my shirt and leaned down to kiss my collar bone. _Mmm, but it can wait…_

I blushed, feeling exposed with my shirt off. I'd been shirtless around him plenty of times before…

_But this is definitely different._

One of his loose red spikes tickled my skin. I let the hand that was tangled in his hair trail back down his spine slowly. I smirked when I felt him shiver.

I coaxed him back up so I could meet his lips with mine again and I unzipped his sweater, pushing it off his shoulders before I started tugging off his own paint-stained t-shirt. His hair got messed up from taking it off and we both chuckled briefly before he ripped out his hair-tie. His red locks sprawled over his pale, bare shoulders. He was gorgeous.

Axel leaned his chest against mine and I ran my hands down the lengths of his arms and twined my fingers with his. He kissed me lightly and then gave me an uncertain look before he started walking backwards, pulling me towards his room.

_Ohgod…_

I was trying to look collected and not hyperventilate.

He leaned against the doorframe to his room and pulled me close to him. I blushed at the intensity of his gaze as it swept over me.

"And now I feel bad for thinking that you and Hayner happened way too fast…" The red-head teased.

My cheeks warmed even more but I smiled. "You know, I never let Hayner _touch_ me…"

Acid green eyes widened in surprise. "Really?"

"…Cause I didn't love him." I licked my lips and looked down briefly, but I felt his eyes stay on me.

He squeezed my hands, causing me to look up at him. He was smiling at me in such a way that I thought I was just going to faint.

And then the next thing I knew we were in his room, the door shutting behind us.

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**YAY! Next chapter is gonna be RADICAL! 8D **

**Hope this was good for you guys. Please please review! Although I've stopped putting up everyone's names I really appreciate each and every review I get! (: You guys keep me going!!!**

**Love you all.**

**Xox Rose**


	8. Chapter Eight

**Rosie Posie here! I'm trying to toss out this story as fast as possible, so I can finish up Promises and then work on other AkuRoku fics that are just rolling around in my mind. (:**

**If there's mistakes - sorry. I'm rushing. It's better than just dropping the story all together so no complaining. ;D**

**So - I always say I'm gonna write a full-fledge sex scene but I can NEVER do it. It just feels too… IDK. XD I only like writing intense sex scenes if they're one shots. I'm weird. Sue me. Deal with what you have and fill in the rest with imagination.**

**Song for this chapter: Pieces by RED. Please keep the reviews coming. I love love love love love you sexy thangs.**

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"_I've lost so much along the way._

_Then I'll see your face._

_I know I'm finally yours,_

_I find everything_

_I thought I lost before…"_

**Chapter Eight**

_OhmyGod. OhmyGod._

Axel lightly kissed my shoulder, running his hand up my torso.

_OhmyGod. OhmyGOD. Ohmy GOD._

He was on top of me, although holding himself up so he wouldn't crush me. I was laying comfortably on my back - on his bed. I was trying not to have a mental breakdown.

_Oh. My. God._

Somewhere along the way our clothes ended up in heaps on the floor. We were kissing and touching each other everywhere and I couldn't think coherently. Hell, I couldn't so much as get myself to fucking breathe correctly.

_Oh._

I couldn't even remember what we were saying to each other. I remember being annoyed by the fact that he had so obviously done things with a guy before - Demyx, I assumed. But it didn't really matter to me. Because in that moment it was just me and him. Him and me.

_My._

My heart was racing at an unhealthy rate. It seemed I'd never be able to catch my breath. I'd never wanted something so bad in my life. Scratch that - not want, _need_. And when he was finally inside me I had never felt so damn complete. All I could think of was Axel. He was all I could hear, see - all I could feel.

_God_.

And I didn't think of Riku once.

My best friend, er, boyfriend(?) was laying next to me on his stomach with upper body against me and his forehead pressed against my chest. I could feel his breath against my skin as I tried coming to terms with what had happened as I stared up at the ceiling that I couldn't really see because his room was fairly dark.

I pushed my sweaty bangs back off my forehead and sighed. I felt wonderful and nervous and incredibly overwhelmed.

"Hey Rox…" Axel said quietly, lips moving against my skin as he talked.

"Hmm?"

"I love you." He sat up a bit, looking at me with an anxious gaze.

I hesitated. "I love you too." Then I smiled to myself. "You know what's weird?" I asked him.

"What?"

I gave him my sweetest smile. "It doesn't feel even remotely weird saying that."

Looking at me seriously, he smiled sadly, "My feelings for you… didn't come out of the blue you know."

The way he said it sounded so sorrowful. I leaned up a little and pushed his clinging strands of hair off his face. "What do you mean?"

He sighed. "I'm gonna tell you everything, hon, and I'm sorry if it's a bit much."

I nodded, feeling a bit nervous.

"When you were thirteen, do you remember that time you fought with your dad? Really bad?" Axel asked me in a whispery voice.

"Mhm." I answered, being taken a bit surprise by the question. The memory came fast though. "I was crying so bad. I was _so _upset. The only thing that kept me together was you. You hugged me and you told me --"

"I told you I was gonna protect you forever. I didn't want anyone to ever hurt you. Emotionally, physically… I just couldn't stand it." His voice was still whispery, and he sounded ashamed.

I let him continue, "When I was hugging you that night, I didn't want to let you go. It scared me. You were thirteen. I was nineteen. I had known you since you were a _baby_. And… you were a _guy_. It all terrified me." He looked away.

I swallowed. He kept talking after taking a brief breath.

"I knew I couldn't be with you. But I could protect you. I could make sure you were always happy and safe and that when you turned eighteen, maybe I could tell you how I felt and everything would be okay…" A sigh escaped Axel's lips. "But that wasn't how it turned out…"

It was really dark, but I saw the tear slip down Axel's cheek. I stroked the side of his face with my hand but he still didn't look at me.

"It was just over a year later and you suddenly just so happened to like boys - all you would talk about was Riku. Riku this, Riku that - and I can honestly say I was jealous. But you didn't notice. I pulled myself together and tried to tell myself you were just having your high school fling. You'd get over him." He sounded upset. I rubbed my finger against his cheek but stayed silent.

"Months passed. Then a year. You seemed _so_ in love. I'd sneak casual touches - brushes against your leg, your hand…" A heavy sigh. "Sometimes I'd even kiss you on the cheek in your sleep. But I kept telling myself that I would always, always be there for you - as your best friend. Always. That it was all I could ever be so I had to make the most of it."

My own eyes filled with tears. I couldn't believe everything he was saying. He tensed and I pulled my hand away from his cheek.

"But I _couldn't_ protect you. I _couldn't_ be there for you. I didn't even have the slightest clue that anything was wrong with you and Riku…" Axel sobbed and hid his face behind one of his hands.

_I can't believe this._

He sniffled. "I only went out with Demyx because by that point I thought you and Riku were gonna run away and be happily married forever. I wanted to like someone else and get over it. Demyx liked me - and it seemed like the smart option. But that didn't even work because he thought my feelings for you were way too strong when all I could think about was why you had been acting so distant. Who would have known it was Riku making you act like a Pod Person? Not me, obviously. Because I'm so damn stupid. It's all my fault." Crying, it was kind of hard to make out some of his words.

_Oh God. I couldn't be more of a clueless ass…_

I wrapped my arms around him tightly and squeezed as hard as I could, rocking him a little bit. I pressed my head against his shoulder. "Axe…" I sniffled, feeling the urge to start bawling. How could _I _have been so stupid?

"I'm so sorry, Rox. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you." He hiccupped. "I'm sorry I'm dumping all this on you _now_. I'm sorry about Demyx yesterday. The day we were in the hospital? I wanted to tell you then. I wanted to tell you everything. But I was afraid it was too early and you needed more time before dealing with more drama. Then you freaking ran off with Hayner and I about had a break down. I just… couldn't handle any of it by the time I took you to the stream. Then everything went downhill. Now we're here and I feel like everything happened way too fast and I just… I'm so sorry." He squeaked out a little whimper.

I took a deep breath, processing more surprising information. "Axel…" I whispered. "Look at me." My head was still on his shoulder, arms still wrapped securely around him. We were sitting up in his bed, no clothes. Just a sheet covering our bottom halves.

He turned his face to catch my eyes. It was dark, but his emerald eyes pierced me just as usual.

"There's no reason for you to be apologizing. It's not your fault Riku turned out to be a dick." I chuckled. "It happens. You got me through everything. You _saved_ me. You _did _protect me. I couldn't have had a more perfect best friend. You're always so sweet. But I'm not the only one who's vulnerable. You're not any more invincible than I am, so why would you think you needed to be the one to do anything keep me from getting hurt? What about you? You got hurt in the process - maybe even more than me." I leaned forward and kissed him softly on the mouth. "I love you, Axe. I didn't really realize it till a few hours ago technically, but I mean… I think I always have. When I was at my lowest you were the only person I trusted and felt safe with. I wouldn't be okay if it wasn't for you. Don't you dare blame yourself. Okay?"

Beyond everything that Axel had just said to me, I felt myself blushing because I couldn't believe how cheesey and stupid I sounded. _'Don't you dare blame yourself?' _Sounds like something you'd hear on Dawson's Creek…

The red-head blinked a few times before wiping his eyes with one of his hands.

"Okay?" I asked again, raising my voice an octave. I made sure to make eye contact.

Sucking in a deep breath, I watched Axel calm down. He relaxed his shoulders and nodded meekly. I'm not sure he was telling the truth, but I took it anyway.

I grinned. "Good." I said, tracing his jaw line with my finger tip.

With a nervous smile, Axel laid back down again - on his back this time. His head being cradled by his white pillow. He tugged me down with him, so I positioned myself curled up at his side with my head on his shoulder, his fingers snaking into my hair and massaging my scalp. I pulled the sheet up to cover us more before I rested a hand on his chest where I started tracing patterns into his skin.

We laid there silently for a while in content. Probably lost in our own thoughts. I spoke up first. "Axe, I'm… really sorry I never noticed…I'm so cluel-"

"Rox, I didn't want you to know. And it doesn't matter now anyway." He interrupted me and tugged on my hair gently.

I sighed and snuggled closer to him. The hand that was in my hair was suddenly wrapped securely around my shoulders. "I'm tired…" He whispered.

"I'm afraid of falling asleep." I told him.

"Why?"

"I don't want a nightmare…" I stopped tracing patterns on his chest. "Not tonight."

I felt a squeeze to my arm as he said, "I'll be right here, Roxy."

The way he said it made me melt - like he didn't just mean for that night, he meant for so much longer. That was when I realized how happy I was and how long I had gone without being truly happy. I pulled myself up to kiss him on the lips briefly before cuddling back at his side again. "Thanks, Axel. For everything."

He never replied, he just ran his hand up and down my arm until I fell asleep.

* * *

When I woke up, I felt fresh and perfect and absolutely great. At first, I thought it was all a dream - and then as I realized I was curled up against a warm body - a warm, and very _naked_… no, start over. A warm, very naked, _familiar_ body that it definitely wasn't. To top it off - I didn't even _have _a dream. That's right. No nightmare.

I wanted to shake Axel awake and screech about how happy I was because I slept without any silver-haired devils disrupting my sleep, but he just looked so peaceful. His red, spiky locks were sprawled around him and framing his pale face. His breathing was deep. His eyelashes looked dark and thick. I sat straight up and ran a hand over his soft cheek before crawling out of bed so I could scramble into the living room and grab myself some freaking clothes.

Once I was dressed I went out to my car to get out Axel's present I had picked up. I realized it was around nine and snowing outside. Perfect way to start a Christmas morning, I told myself as I brought the box inside.

After setting down the box I heard rustling from Axel's room so I peaked in. He was just sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

I sauntered into the room and stood by the bed, leaning over him. "Merry Christmas." I said with a wink.

He chuckled. "Come 'ere." The front of my shirt was tugged on, causing me to be pulled down to meet his lips. He kissed me softly and sweetly and I grinned at him when we parted, trying not to get too girly.

"Notice anything?" I asked.

"Ummm, you're wearing clothes and I'm not?" The red-head smirked as he glanced at the sheet that was barely covering him. It was crazy how cool he seemed with everything. Like this was daily routine.

"Good observation. But no… I didn't have any nightmares!" I sounded like I was saying I won the Mega Bucks.

His pink lips spread into a huge smile, "Oh, Rox thank god! Maybe they're gone for good!" He pulled me into a hug, his head against my stomach.

"Hopefully." Both my hands rested in his hair.

_Just to think… yesterday morning I was waking up in my ex-boyfriend's bed. _

Axel looked up at me suddenly with a wicked grin.

"What?" I asked.

Then I realized he was pulling me down on the bed, tickling my sides and getting a squeal out of me.

"Stop, stop, stop!" I kept chanting through laughter as he tickled me and we rolled completely to the other side of his bed.

I was still chuckling when he finally stopped, probably because of my insanely good mood. I almost felt high. I realized he was on top of me and not clothed and I blushed. It was a lot brighter in the room than the night before, too.

_God, why must he be so damn gorgeous?_

_So…_

_Damn…_

_Gorg--_

_Fuck it._

I leaned up and kissed him on the mouth, loving the taste of him.

He responded quickly, placing his hand behind my neck and pulling me closer to him.

I couldn't believe that in less than twenty-four hours we had become so… well, I couldn't think of a word. But he was perfect. And I knew I really loved him.

_Best friend to instant dream boyfriend - just add water. _

I couldn't imagine how he must have felt or what he must have been thinking. He had liked me for so long. Then - _wham_ - relationship out of nowhere. I know it had to have all felt so different to him than it did to me.

When we parted Axel had his hand against my cheek so I rested my hand on top of his. We kind of just stared at each other for a while, sort of gazing - but it wasn't so mushy or awkward. It was nice actually. Really nice.

Axel broke the little spell. "Hey, um, I'm gonna get dressed, k? I wanna give you your present and I'm getting impatient." His voice rang with happiness.

I nodded and he pecked me on my nose. He was so cute. I watched him as he rolled off of me and got off the bed, wrapping the sheet around himself before heading over to his dresser.

I closed my eyes and smiled to myself for a second. As I kicked myself out of the bed and started heading into the living room to wait for him, I saw a glance of Axel rummaging through his closet. A simple task that I wouldn't have paid attention to if it was the day before. But I was completely love-struck and for a moment I thought I'd never be able to look away from him again.

* * *

"Close your eyes and turn around." Grinning, the red-head clad in green and white because he was trying to look 'Christmasy' ordered me.

"Turn around?" I asked, confused.

He sighed but smiled at me. "Just do it."

I huffed, but did as he requested. My eyes shut and I faced the other way.

"Don't open them until I say so!"

"I won't…" I squeezed them tighter as if to prevent them from opening on their own. I felt a bit absurd.

I heard him moving around the living room, probably getting whatever the present was. Then I felt his presence near me again. After just a second or two - there was something touching the back of my neck and then I realized something was being put _around_ my neck. It didn't feel like a necklace though. More like a rough strap or something… it was weird.

Then… there was a heavy weight against my chest as he let go. _What the fuck_? A somehow familiar feeling but I couldn't put my finger on it. _Can I open my damn eyes now?_

"Open your eyes." He commanded.

_Is this…?_

I held my breath when I saw it. It was black, smooth, and absolutely perfect. I placed my hands on it and held it up to examine it.

"Oh God… Axe…" I stammered, practically speechless.

"You like it?" The red-head chuckled and put his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder.

Toying with it a bit more, unbelieving that such a thing could be in my possession, I took a moment to reply, "I… I love it."

"Heh. Good." Axel kissed me on the cheek. "I know you haven't used one of these babies in a while… but you always looked so happy when you were taking pictures. I just wanna see you light up like that again…"

_I can't believe he got me a high tech camera._

I turned around and flung my arms around him, holding the camera up of course so that it wouldn't get squished between us. I gave him a rough kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Axe… I mean, seriously… thank you."

"Mhm…" He mumbled into my hair as he squeezed his arms around me.

I pulled away so I could turn on the camera. I tinkered with it for a moment before taking an experimental snapshot of my best friend.

_Crap. Boyfriend. I just took a picture of my _boyfriend_. Significant other? Partner? All of them sound so weird. But he is no longer just a best friend… _so _weird_.

"What? Did that picture come out hideous? You're staring at it funny…" Axel chuckled.

I snapped out of it, "Huh? Oh. No. Just spaced out for a minute."

I dropped the camera and let it hang around my neck as I remembered something. "Now you get my present that totally doesn't compare to this in any way shape or form and for that I apologize with all my heart!" I laughed as I trotted over to the box I hid in the living room.

"Roxy, even if you got me a piece of construction paper with a squiggle on it you know I'd love it." He teased.

"Oh shut up." I said as I handed him the box. It was quite obvious what it was the second I handed it to him.

"Oh my God!" He ripped off the lid. "I love you. I love you. I love--"

"Shut up and put them on." I interrupted his moment of excitement. Although I was relieved he seemed to really like them. "I'm not a hundred percent sure they're the right size."

_Because he doesn't look like my Axel without combat boots…_

I watched the red-head plop down onto the couch and throw both on swiftly and smoothly. Perfect fit.

"Well…" He sighed dramatically, looking up at me. "Not as good as a piece of construction paper with a squiggle on it. But I _suppose_ I can deal…"

I rolled my eyes. I could tell he was in a good mood and it perked me up. "Oh stop it." I ruffled his hair playfully and he snarled before leaping up and lunging for me. I squealed and ran away.

"No! If you hurt me, you'll hurt the poor defenseless camera that has done absolutely nothing wrong to you!" A laugh escaped me as I ducked down from the other side of the couch, feigning fear.

Axel stopped in his tracks and snapped his fingers. "Damn. If it wasn't for that stupid camera… what kind of chump would get you something like that anyway?"

"An awesome one." I smiled and stood up.

"Speaking of awesome chumps, this one has another plan for this morning and it involved you needing to be ready to leave in about half an hour." He winked at me with charm.

"Hmm. Well I'm ready. Where are we going?" I asked.

"Oh just breakfast. Nothing special." He grinned mischievously.

"Then why do you have that look on your face? _Where_ are we going?" I interrogated.

"Oh um just The Kingdom…" He said oh so nonchalantly.

"The Kingdom?! We can't get in there. It's too intense. You have to make reservations when you're ten in order to get in when you're twenty!"

"Oh don't exaggerate, Blondie. It's a form of lying you know." More teasing.

I rolled my eyes. "No, Axel, seriously where are we going?"

"The Kingdom. I just told you." He grinned.

_As if he could have pulled that off_.

He chuckled. "Look. I pulled some strings like two weeks ago."

"Two _weeks_ ago? When were you planning on telling me?" I was baffled.

"Uh. Now? Silly, it's part of your present." A sweet, innocent smile played on his face.

"But… what if I had stayed at Hayner's as originally planned?" I raised my eyebrows.

He looked awkward for a split second - probably replaying some of last night. "Well you didn't. And if you did - I'd have dragged your ass out. You can't just stand up The Kingdom." He said matter-of-factly.

I sighed, giving in. "Why The Kingdom?"

"Just be excited will you? You should be thanking me for being so damn charming enough to get us Christmas reservations there just two weeks prior!"

"Thank you for being so damn charming enough to get us Christmas reservations there just two weeks prior!" I said to him with fake enthusiasm, batting my eyelashes.

"Oh, well shucks, your welcome."

I laughed. And then took another picture of him.

* * *

**Sorry. Took a bit longer than planned. Next chapter will be fun! This story's almost over. Can you believe it? Lots of this was just playful banter. Kinda pointless. Hope you enjoyed it nonetheless. **

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**xox Rose**


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter nine! NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE LAST! I LOVE EVERYONE WHO HAS STUCK BY ME FOR THIS STORY! 8D  
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**So I'd like to suggest you guys read some of mah friend's Axel and Roxas fics. Her penname is A.R. 13 and you should really, really check out her fics, because you love me and I told you to. (:**

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* * *

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"_For you I will._

_Fogive me if I stutter_

_From all of the clutter in my head._

_Cause I could fall asleep in those eyes_

_Like a waterbed."_

**Chapter Nine.**

I still was kind of guessing that Axel would instead take us to a McDonald's or something and say, "Gotcha, didn't I?" But sure enough we pulled into The Kingdom and it pissed me right off that he was so nonchalant about it.

_Smug bastard. Smug, _cute_ bastard. _

_Is this going to be considered as Axel and I's first date? OhmiGod._

As Axel shut off the engine and unbuckled himself I was suddenly very conscious of the fact that we were rather under dressed for such a place. If he really had "pulled some strings" he was really pushing his luck.

We got out of his shitty truck and I followed nervously behind him, staring at his new boots. I felt so out of place it wasn't even funny. When I looked back at the truck I almost cringed. If his truck was Waldo it would be easily found in point two seconds. It stuck out so badly in the parking lot full of wonderful, shiny sports cars.

He stopped walking suddenly and I slammed into him. He turned around and chuckled. "What's your problem?"

"Uh. Nothing." I shrugged.

"Hmm." He narrowed his eyes at me. "Just relax. This will be fun. I promise."

I was about to protest, but he turned forward again and reached his hand back to grab a hold of mine. I blushed momentarily. I hoped, because of the hand-holding, we wouldn't stand out even _more_.

Once we were inside, we had to walk in a line for a bit. The place really was busy. Everyone was laughing and wearing shiny, ironed clothes. For some reason though, no one looked twice at us.

_YAY!_

There was this girl though, that was practically ogling Axel. She had blonde hair and massive curves and I was trying not to rip her apart.

_STOP EYE-RAPING HIM! CAN YOU NOT SEE HE'S HOLDING _MY _HAND?_

I'm sure Axel realized my tension. After glancing at me he turned to the source of my seething-rabid-dog glare.

I looked away from the blonde girl long enough to see him smirk and pull me to his side, throwing an arm around me. I blushed again, mortified that he had noticed my idiotic jealousy - but he seemed pleased by it.

From the corner of my eye I saw the blonde chick roll her eyes before turning away.

_HA HA BITCH!_

I realized I was having fun. The thought made me smile to myself.

_When was the last time I have had such random, silly fun - laughing at people in my head? I feel more like myself than I have in such a long time…_

"Name please?" A lady asked Axel. She was holding a list.

"Axel." My… boyfriend… smiled at her.

"Oh! Okay, your party is already waiting for you. I'll walk you to your table, gentlemen." She grinned.

…_Party?_

Axel looked at me like, "Did you catch that?" He raised his eyebrows mischievously and took his arm off my shoulders.

I looked at _him_ like, "What the heck's going on, you jerk?"

He flashed me a smile. One that said, "You'll love this - I promise."

_Who the heck could possibly be here? I don't get it._

After a couple more steps - I saw two very familiar faces grinning at me. I thought it was my imagination, but I looked again and I realized we were stopping in front of their table.

_OH. MY. GOD!_

I screeched like a school girl and lunged at Yuna just as she did the same to me - jumping out of her seat. She was wearing a light blue dress that stopped at her knees and it complimented her figure wonderfully. I saw a glimpse of silver heels on her feet and was reminded again of how under dressed I was. We squeezed each other tight while I heard her scream practically in my ear, "OHMYGOD. OHMYGOD. ROXY! I MISSED YOU SO MUUCCHHH!"

"I take it this was a Christmas present?" The woman who walked us to the table winked at Axel as she glanced at Yuna and I. I was feeling rather speechless. I couldn't believe Tidus and Yuna were in town. I couldn't believe Axel has planned this without me suspecting a thing.

"Something like that." The red-head chuckled in response to her.

Yuna and I were finally letting each other go so we could sit down and stop making a scene. People had begun to stare at us.

I slid into the booth, and Axel slid in next to me. As the woman spoke again with a smile, "Well enjoy your Christmas then, everyone." Tidus and I ignored her while sharing our old "knuckle-punch" as he said, "What's up, man? Been a while!" I just replied with an, "Mhm."

She handed us each a menu. "Your waiter or waitress will be with you momentarily."

We thanked her. As soon as she left, I grinned wickedly.

"You assholes have been planning this for two weeks?" I asked, clearly kidding. I was still grinning madly.

"I'm surprised Axel kept his mouth shut. He was so excited about it. He even paid for the expenses for us to get here, since, money's tight because…" Yuna giggled.

I glanced at Axe and I noticed he looked embarrassed.

I looked back at them, just realizing she didn't finish her sentence. "Because what?"

Yuna giggled. I realized Tidus's face was red.

_It's not what I think it is, is it?_

"Well, we're trying to save all we can because…" Yuna smiled. "…We're gonna be _parents_."

I heard myself squeak in surprise. "AH! Guys that's _awesome_."

Axel said at the same time, "Wow. Grats."

I blinked. "It's so weird how old we're all getting, huh?"

_I can't believe Yuna's pregnant… ohmyfreakingGOD._

"Thanks! I can't believe it. And I know, right?" She giggled, flipping her hair.

"So how you feeling about it, big guy?" I smirked and leaned back against the seat as I looked at Tidus.

"I'm happy." The blonde said simply.

"He's ecstatic, don't listen to him." Yuna smiled slyly.

Tidus chuckled, "Yeah, she's right."

"That's… so freaking awesome. I mean, seriously." I grinned at them. "I can't believe you're married and having a- oh, right." I paused, and sighed. "Guys. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about not talking to you in so long and not going to the wedding. I swear I-"

"…We know." Yuna spoke solemnly.

"Huh?" I breathed.

Yuna blinked and looked at Axel.

"I told them about what happened, what's been going on." The red-head said to the table. A guilty look on his face.

"Don't worry, honey, he didn't tell us most of the details if you're worried about that. Half the stuff we asked when we were talking to him on the phone he said we'd have to ask you because it wasn't his place. He just told us the gist of what happened." She sighed and reached across the table for my hand. "I can't believe we never noticed it, sweetie. We had no idea. At least he's long gone now. You can move on, right?"

I squeezed her hand briefly before letting go and putting my hands in my lap. I nodded. "Yeah. I'm doing better. A lot better." I said, and I realized I was being honest.

Axel was still looking at the table. I could see what he was thinking. I remembered what he said the night before. _"Because I'm so damn stupid. It's all my fault."_

I reached under the table and rested my hand on Axel's knee, squeezing it lightly.

"That's good, hon. Axel even told me you're with some guy named… uh, Hayner was it… now?" She smiled sweetly.

I blushed.

_Awkward. What do I say? Are Axel and I really together? I'm too embarrassed to say so. But if I _don't _tell her then Axel will think I'm a douche then -_

"Hello! I'm Tammy. Welcome to The Kingdom. Are you guys ready to order some drinks?" Some lady who was short with curly brown hair grinned at us.

We hadn't even so much as looked at the menus.

"Can we have a few more minutes?" Yuna asked Tammy sweetly.

"Of course, darling!" Tammy grinned and turned to walk away.

"Haha! We should probably look at the menus, shouldn't we?" A grin spread on Yuna's lips.

_Okay. Awkward moment over. For now._

My hand was still on Axel's knee. I ran my fingers around the fabric of his pants absent mindedly. Tidus and Yuna couldn't see because obviously his leg was under the table.

I pulled my hand away finally before flashing a look at Axel. He looked a bit distracted. I caught his attention though and he smiled sweetly at me. I smiled back.

_I still can't believe he's done all of this for me…_

I opened the menu and was reminded once again that we were actually at The Kingdom.

I thought of the camera I left at home. I thought of Tidus and Yuna sitting in front of me.

I wanted to hug him and thank him and never let go.

But instead I decided what I wanted for breakfast.

We ended up _all_ going for their famous strawberry pancakes with home made whipped cream. Their own made apple juice too.

After Tammy came back, took our order, and left again - Yuna decided she wasn't feeling well so she ran to the bathroom. Tidus informed us it was normal lately because of her pregnancy. The three of us ended up chatting about random things. Mostly Axel and I asking Tidus what he and Yuna had been up to 'besides the obvious har har' Until Tidus decided he'd go check to see if she was okay - leaving Axel and I alone.

I turned to him a bit. "Hey… Axe…?"

"Hmm?" He turned to me.

Tammy came back then and dropped off our drinks. "The other two in the bathroom?" She asked.

We nodded.

"Enjoy your drinks! Food will be here soon!" She grinned.

"Thanks." Axel and I said simultaneously before she left again.

I took a quick sip. "Best apple juice ever." I laughed.

He took a sip of his own. "You're right." He grinned.

"Anyways… just…" I paused. I put my head on his shoulder and talked into his ear quietly. "I mean… I thought the camera was over the top, but you flew my old friends all the way here? I've been doing a lot better, you know? I'm becoming myself again. I can feel it. You don't need to be doing all this…" I grabbed his upper arm and squeezed it. "Not that I don't appreciate it. I'm amazed, actually. Thank you for everything."

"Roxy, I do it because I _want_ to. After seeing you that whole time being devoid of any emotion…" He swallowed. "I just want to see you constantly happy. Making up for lost time I guess." A chuckle escaped him.

"Being with you makes me constantly happy, stupid." I laughed, then I pulled his face towards mine and kissed him.

Just as our lips met I heard, "Sorry about that guys I- whoa." It was Yuna.

We pulled apart and Tidus and Yuna were both looking at us slightly confused, but also highly amused from what I could see. Their lips were turned up at the corners.

_Eheheh…_

"Um…" I said intelligently, moving away from Axel and licking my lips, tasting the taste he left as much as I could.

"Axel, I thought you said he was with some guy named Hayner!" She giggled as she slid in the booth with Tidus.

"Uh. He was." The red-head chuckled nervously.

She laughed. "Oh I see. A lot can change in two weeks I guess, then, right?" She shook her head and smiled sweetly. "Hmm. You've always liked him…" Yuna grinned wickedly, pausing to take a sip of her apple juice. "Haven't you?" She asked Axel.

I blushed.

He blushed.

Tidus tried not to laugh.

"Uh…" His voice wavered awkwardly before turning serious. "Yeah. Actually."

_I bet I could fry an egg on my face right now… we could have it with our damn pancakes. _

Yuna actually laughed. Her flippy hair bounced everywhere. Then she spoke in a soft, honest voice. "That's good then. I know _you'd_ never hurt him." She smiled. Then her tone turned teasing, "My baby deserves the best!" She reached over the table and pinched my cheek.

I swatted her away. "Ugh! Yuna cut it out!" I giggled anyway. She did too.

I looked at Axel from the corner of my eye. He was still blushing a little - but there was clearly a smile on his face.

"Strawberries and whipped cream pancakes!" Tammy set a dish in front of all of us. It looked like a giant desert rather than a breakfast. "Can I get you guys anything else?" She asked when she was done.

We all shook our head and said no, thanks.

For a while we just sat there eating the _best_ pancakes ever created and talking about silly little, insignificant things.

Then Axel tensed up next to me. When I looked at him his eyes were widened and looking at a particular spot at the bar. I was trying to see what the hell, or who the hell he was staring at with such a shocked expression when I spotted it -

Long, silver, straight, flowing hair.

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. NO._

I felt strawberry pancakes crawling up my throat.

Riku was standing there - talking to someone who looked a little younger. Some guy with brunette, spiky hair. He had a bit of a tan. I didn't recognize him.

My heart was thudding in my chest.

_What the hell is Riku doing here?_

I just kept running through any reasons why he'd be back in town, and why the hell he'd be in The Kingdom of all places? On _Christmas_!

_Crap. What do we _do_?_

Yuna noticed Axel and I's tension. She looked the way we were looking before she let out a little gasp.

Axel turned his head towards me. "I'll step outside and call the cops, let them know he's here…"

Before he had a chance to fully stand up, I tugged him back down. "Wait." I told him.

"For _what_?" The red-head hissed at me. "He's right _here_! They've been looking for him this whole damn time. He needs to behind bars after what he did! Why the hell are you telling me to wait?"

"What's going on?" Asked Tidus, realizing the rest of us were in a mini panic. He finally looked up from his pancakes.

Yuna rolled her eyes and gestured to where Riku was standing. Tidus's eyes widened. "Holy shit."

I bit my lip. Axel was still staring at me, waiting for an answer. "Well?" He asked. "What the hell are you making me wait for?"

"Axe, calm down. I think he's just scared." Yuna whispered.

"I can't calm down when that bastard is standing right there and nothing is being done!" He sizzled. "Roxas. I'm going outside and calling. He'll be gone before you know it. Okay?"

I was in too much panic to answer him. He was up and out the door.

I was debating following Axel, when a minute later Riku and the brunette (who were holding hands) started walking in the direction Axel had just left…

_Shiitttt…._

"Oh no." Yuna moaned, seeing the same thing I did.

"If they run into each other… it's not gonna be pretty, is it?" Tidus slumped in his seat.

"Probably not." I told him. "Fuck. I'm going out there."

"What? Don't do that!" Yuna squeaked.

"It's fine. We're in a public place. What's gonna happen?" I told her, getting out of my booth.

My heart couldn't stop hammering though. The image of Riku after all that time made me want to vomit. My head was spinning. I was terrified.

I pushed open the door to the exit.

The first thing I saw was a very pissed off Axel - he looked ready to lunge at the silver haired ex of mine in front of him. Axel was clutching his phone.

Riku, on the other hand, looked _upset _of all things. He looked _sad_. My stomach leapt up into my throat.

And the poor, nameless brunette boy looked nervous. After looking at him for a while - I realized he reminded me of someone but I couldn't really put my finger on it.

"I got help, okay? I did. Honestly. I'm not gonna insult anyone by apologizing but I really want to forget about those days…" I heard Riku telling Axel.

_Help? What?_

"_Forget_? Oh yeah! Sure! Awesome!" My boyfriend spat at my ex sarcastically.

I had a feeling by Sora's expression he knew what they were talking about.

They realized I was there and they all stared at me. Riku's eyes widened. Axel's face took on a panicked expression.

I swallowed and felt a lump in my throat. I couldn't find anything to say at first, then the words just tumbled out. "Riku… I don't know why the hell you're here now, and I don't care. But if you leave Twilight Town now and promise to never, ever come back, then I swear to you - we won't turn you in."

They stared at me in utter shock.

"So are you gonna stand there or are you gonna leave?" My voice wavered. I was utterly terrified.

Riku opened his mouth.

"I don't even want to hear it. Just go if you're going to go."

The brunette's eyes watered for some reason. "Riku… come on. Just… please. Do it for me. It's my fault you're here anyway. I knew we were taking a bad chance. And I'm not gonna lose you _now_." He whispered to him, but I heard every word. And I shouldn't have but I suddenly felt awful. I didn't know their story - nor did I really want to. But I trusted Riku would never hurt this guy like he did to me. I didn't know for sure of course, but it was just an intuitive feeling that Riku really _did_ get help.

After my ex took a deep breath, I saw him frown and turn away - heading toward the parking lot without another word from him just as I asked. The brunette didn't follow him right away. He looked at me. "Thank you." He said, before finally following.

I shuddered. I had this feeling come off of me though - like I knew I would never have to worry about that bastard again without being weighed with the guilt of imagining him in the slammer day in and day out. What he did was awful and unforgivable, but I just couldn't see him behind bars for years to come. Especially with how that brunette looked at him and how he must have really understood how horrible of a thing it was that he did to me in order to want to get help for it. In a way, he did his time and was still doing it. I just didn't care anymore. He was gone. My past. A part of my life I didn't want to ever look at again. I wanted to forget, too. I didn't even care enough about him to punish him like I once wanted to.

"Why the hell would you do that?" The red-head stared at me as if seeing a stranger.

"It doesn't matter. It's done." I told him. "And he's gone. He's not coming back. _That's_ all that matters." I told him.

"Roxas… what the hell is wrong with you? Do you not remember what he did to you? He almost killed you! He controlled you, manipulated you! All those nights you had terrifying dreams about him? He didn't even let you go to Yuna and Tidus's wedding! You're just _letting him go_?" Axel breathed raggedly.

"I'll never forgive him for what he did, Axel. He's a nutcase. A horrid bastard who deserves to go straight to hell. He tried to _kill me_. But… I just… I just feel like it's better this way. Okay?" I spoke as calmly as I could.

Axel's jaw tightened.

"Okay, Axel?" I asked again. I stepped towards him. I felt so shaken and empty but entirely relieved in some way. I felt refreshed and renewed. Like my demons were chased away.

He ignored my question. His face softened suddenly and he looked exhausted. "Are you alright?" He asked me tenderly.

I sighed. "I think so…" A meek reply.

"You wanna go back in and tell them what happened?" Asked Axe. He still looked unnerved.

I nodded and reached for his hand. He grabbed onto it after a second and we quietly made it back to the table. Yuna and Tidus were both half-dead from heart attacks.

"You guys took forever!" She yelled at us. "What happened? Did you call-"

"I called at first, but it just kept ringing. Probably because it's Christmas. I bet only one guy's in the office since it's such a small town. It's not like it was an emergency either. So… I decided I'd wait a couple minutes and try again and suddenly Riku walks out with some brown haired dude who looks an awful lot like Roxas to me…" Axel started. His breath was shaky.

"What? He didn't look like me." I countered.

Axel ignored me and continued. "Yes he did. Anyways, so Riku looks completely surprised when I'm standing there. I can't help myself and I said something like, 'Pretty damn bold to show you're face around here. What the hell _are_ you doing here?' Riku didn't answer. He kind of freaked out and he asked if I was out there with the phone because I was turning him in. I told him yes."

Yuna gasped. "Then what?"

"Well the dude he was with totally had a panic attack. Riku told him, I learned his name was Sora, to calm down. He then told me that Sora was his boyfriend and Sora had a friend in Twilight Town…" Axel glanced at me. "You might know her, Rox. Kairi?"

I nodded. "Uh. Yeah. I think I had a class with her once. She had auburn hair… that's all I really know."

"Well Sora is her best friend, he came to see her briefly and Riku said he wanted to surprise him by bringing him by The Kingdom since it was such a fancy place, I guess. Riku then began to tell me he was planning on just leaving, that he wouldn't come back - he promised. He couldn't leave Sora alone. He'd changed. He'd gotten help. He wanted to forget… then Roxas came out at that time and basically told Riku to do what Riku had already been planning on doing." Axel finished with a huff.

"To leave and not come back or he'd get locked up for sure?" Yuna asked.

"Pretty much." Axel told her.

"Wow…" Tidus mumbled.

"Are you okay, Roxas? You look pale…" With concern, Yuna asked me.

I nodded. I realized Axel was still holding my hand when he squeezed it.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked him softly.

"No, Rox. I'm just a little upset about all of this…"

_Understandable. Very understandable._

"I'm sorry…" I traced the back of his hand with my thumb in little circles. I still felt like I was going to hurl, but him being there made me feel better. I once again got lost in my thoughts of how my life would be if I didn't have Axel.

I leaned against him, not really caring if people looked at us funny.

Yuna smiled at us. "Riku's gone and you guys can be together. Happy ending. _That bastard _even has a happy ending now, I think." She giggled.

_Ah, Yuna. Typical Yuna. I don't even think I've ever seen her cry…_

Tammy came up again, barely glancing at Axel and I. "Need anything else or are you ready for the check?"

"Check." Axel told her. When she beamed and then left he added, "It's all on me, guys."

"What? No way. You've done eno-" Began Yuna.

"Tidus, shut your woman up." He said.

Tidus chuckled. "Thanks, Axel."

"Don't worry about it." Smiled the red-head.

"Thanks again for everything, Axel…" I spoke quietly into the arm of his long-sleeved green shirt that matched his eyes so well. My lips brushed against the fabric. I knew I sounded unenthusiastic, but I was exhausted. I couldn't stop playing what had just happened over and over again. Relieved… but exhausted.

He kissed the top of my head. "Course, Rox."

I felt him fumble around as he pulled out his wallet and counted out money.

"So when are you guys going back?" I asked Tidus and Yuna.

"Early tomorrow morning. This is the only time we'll be able to see you, but we can talk on the phone as much as you want and plan another trip after I have the baby." Yuna told me.

I nodded. "I can't believe you're having a baby…"

"Personally, I can't believe _anything _that's been happening. But that's life for you!" She winked.

_Nicely said._

I nuzzled into Axel. I thought back to my high school days. The stupid notes with Yuna, the fights with my dad, mom dying, doing crazy things with Axel, sneaking around at school with Riku…

Then I thought a bit more ahead. Getting an apartment with Riku, starting college classes, getting a job at the library, feeling at the high point of my life…

Then Kadaj died.

I stopped it there. I focused on tracing circles on Axel's hand.

_Axel… why didn't I recognize how you felt sooner? You're the only good thing that's erupted from this mess…_

I thought of Axel when we were in the hospital, I thought of him on the stream when he kissed me, I thought of Hayner and how guilty I felt around him…

I thought of the night before… Every little detail.

"Thank you very much! Hope you enjoyed everything!" Tammy was grinning at us. Yuna was standing up.

"Come on, honey…" Axel stood up and tugged on my hand.

I pulled myself to my feet and the four of us walked silently out of The Kingdom.

Once we were outside I realized how damn chilly it was. There was some white, fluffy snow on the ground.

"Axel, thanks so much for helping us get here. We missed you guys! And you better take good care of my baby, you got it, buster? After all the crap he's been through - if he ever got hurt again I'd tear that person to pieces." She giggled, giving Axel a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"I'd hate to see what you'd do if anyone messed with our kid someday…" Tidus joked.

"Oh. They'd be dead if they so much as said one little thing wrong." She laughed. "Anyway, Rox, take care okay? Everything is gonna start getting better, you'll see. Riku can't hurt you anymore. What happened today sucked, but think of it as a relief. He's gone. Put it in the past." She smiled and hugged me tightly, kissing my cheek. "Love ya. I'm so sorry about everything."

"That's life for you, right?" I smiled at her. "I'll tough it out. The worst part has been long over. Plus, I'll be fine as long as I have Axel." I winked at him. He beamed.

Yuna grinned. "That's the spirit!"

"See you guys." Tidus gave me our traditional knuckle-punch, then gave one to Axel as well.

"Bye you two." Axel said.

"Bye!" Yuna squealed before turning away with Tidus. I watched them walk out of the parking lot and cross the street, holding hands. Their hotel wasn't far away.

I let out a huge sigh. "It feels like this has officially been the longest day of my life."

Axel laughed.

"I'm really glad you did that. Got them to come out here I mean. I still can't believe it…" I told him.

"Well… it would have been perfect if…"

I put two fingers over his mouth. "Let's not bring him up. Ever again." I stood on my tiptoes and kissed Axel softly, my arms wrapping around him.

When our lips parted, he held me close to him and gave me an Eskimo kiss. "Sounds good to me."

"Can we go home now? I'm cold…" I whined.

"Yeah. Sorry." He apologized, rubbing my arms. "Let's go home and… warm up." He winked.

I giggled and smacked the side of his arm playfully.

He laughed melodically. "You know you love me."

We headed toward his crappy truck. "Yes. I do." I told him with utter sincerity.

* * *

**Holy crap. Long chapter? Yes. Sorry about that.**

**I love Tidus and Yuna. They're my second OTP. I just love FFX in general, if you haven't noticed.**

**NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE LAST. AND IT'S PRETTY MUCH AN EPILOGUE. BWAHAH!**

**I'm so tired. I've been writing for 983749873 hours. I'm about to just go -plop-**

**Please review. Make me feel better. XP**

**xox Rose**


	10. Chapter Ten: Epilogue

**-NOTE- THIS CHAPTER IS WRITTEN IN PRESENT TENSE!-**

**So, we have made it. This is the final chapter. The epilogue, actually. I love everyone who has stayed by me through this whole story. We've hit 115 reviews. 61 favorites. 53 alerts. I'm sure it will grow a bit after I update. I know some of y'all would probably scoff at those numbers but it just makes me happy when one person likes my story so obviously I'm ecstatic. (:**

**It's also been really fun to write this. Don't worry for the people who have been waiting MONTHS for me to update Promises of Summer - I'll get to it after this. ;)**

**I'm gonna TRY to thank all of my reviewers now, but I'm gonna fail MISERABLY: **_NormaJean Beausoleil, EternityEchoes, Loveless Emo Bunny, DarkAngelGrl22567, , Valinda Blade, R3tro Roxel, Bloodiemondei, NinjaSheik, Payge, blood as soft as silk, RecklessxDreamer, The Emerald Shapeshifter, Vanilla Twilight, XevagirlX, NoDiggity, CTL, SarahXxUnlovedXx, Narwe, Momma's Freaky Child, Twinkle-Dust, Regidork, APlaceForUs, A.R.13, AllSheNeedsIsLove, Utsuro, SarcasticProcrastinator-AMLF, Kae, Salom-Soul, Conrii, Animesaki, Ritsuke, Little Chiquita, mymuse1990, DabuLeigh, BonneNuit, mochi, Celticfaerie13, Kanin V. Karlek, Droite, AxelKanjoVIII, Freya, Vithian, Unimaginable, Shigeki-Hizashi, Axels Angel, _**and** _Wilixer!_

**Oh my God. That took me fifteen minutes. XD**

**Story time now? I'd think so. It's been a lovely ride my lovelies. Song is LOVE SONG BY 311. **

**Till next time. ;D**

**Oh and please review. Tell me what you thought! :D**

**-NOTE- THIS CHAPTER IS WRITTEN IN PRESENT TENSE!- **(Sorry, I just want people to make sure they see that.)

* * *

"_Whenever I'm alone with you, _

_you make me feel like I am young again._

_Whenever I'm alone with you,_

_You make me feel like I am fun again."_

**Epilogue**

About four years ago, I was laying in a hospital bed feeling like my world was completely over. I thought I'd never feel good about anything again. The one thing that scared me was the thought that no one would ever love me again. The only reason why I ever stuck around with that rat bastard was because I hated the idea of being alone. It sounds pathetic now that I say it - but back then it really did terrify me.

But now… I look over at Axel and I have to smile to myself. He brushes some of his scarlet hair off his shoulder. It's grown out so much. I think I prefer it long. It looks damn sexy all spread out on a pillow. I almost wish I'd let mine grow out, but I kept cutting it so it wouldn't go past the nape of my neck.

He's still wearing the silly combat boots I got him three Christmases ago. He hasn't gone a day without wearing them - and it definitely shows. The memories flood in as I glance at them. So many things happened that Christmas… wonderful and not so wonderful - but mostly wonderful. I sigh and run my hand on the leather couch I'm sitting on.

The leather couch is brand new, actually. There's a matching one next to it. Both of them are placed directly in front of a line of paintings my Axel did. All beautiful, perfect, and now available to the public's eyes. It took him years, but my boyfriend finally got his dream gallery… featuring his own work, _my _work, and other community artists. I was so proud of him when we found out almost two years ago that it was really going to happen. He couldn't believe it, and neither could I - especially when he asked if he could use some of my photographs.

Several years back, I would have never seen myself as a professional photographer. I do weddings mostly, but I can do anything. People call me and ask me to show up and I do it. Simple as that. It's always fun and the people I work for are always friendly, too. Plus, I can't get rid of the high I get when I see how thrilled someone is when they first see how the photos turn out. But I still like my recreational photography best.

I only use the camera he gave me. I won't use any one else's.

I realize then that there is a crowd of people in front of me, talking about how gorgeous the painting is in front of them. It's the gallery's grand opening - and everyone gets in for free. I would usually be bothered by the crowds of people talking and walking but I'm just so happy how the place turned out after all the time it took to get everything set up. Trust me - it took a _long _time. It feels surreal for it to be actually happening. I can't even imagine how Axe feels.

I turn to look at him again. He's talking with an enormous group of people who seem to be completely engrossed in what he's saying. Axel has sort of become a local celebrity by now. Especially in the past few months. The gallery has kept him so busy - phone ringing off the hook, doorbell never quieting…

But it's okay with me. He's happy. Completely. It makes me happy, too.

"Hey, Roxas." A familiar voice greets me and it takes me only a second before I can give the voice a face.

"Hi, Hayner. Haven't talked to you in a while, what's up?" I ask politely, sitting up a little more in the couch. The sandy blonde brushes off his camo pants. His boyfriend, Seifer, just slightly smiles at me - enough to show he's not trying to be rude. I know he's not much of a talker, it really doesn't bother me.

Hayner and I's thing had ceased to exist in my mind. We still talk. We're cool. I still felt bad about how I had ended it with him, but it was in the past.

"This place is _amazing_." He says to me. "I mean… I imagined it would be good… but this is…" Hayner looks around the room in awe.

I chuckle. "Yeah, it better look good after all that damn time and money."

"I can't even imagine…" A smirk flashes on his lips. "Your photos are great by the way. As always."

"Thanks." I nod with a brief smile. "Anyways, go look around. I'll talk to you later." I say, dismissing him.

"Alright. Tell Axel I said congrats. I'd do it myself but uh…" Motioning toward the horde of people surrounding my red-head, he laughs. "Catch you later."

"Will do." I tell him before he and his partner leave - getting lost to my eyes in the sea of bobbing heads.

I stand up and stretch. I have no idea how long I've been sitting on the couch. I shyly maneuver my way to my boyfriend. I get tons of hellos on the way and it makes me blush. Everyone knows I'm with him, and since he's insanely popular - I kind of am, too. I used to think they'd make fun or think we were strange behind our backs, but no one even blinks at the fact we're both guys. Thank God. Still, we're not the most comfortable on PDA.

Axel, as if sensing my presence turns to look at me just as I'm getting near his mini crowd. He grins at me. "_There_ you are."

"Sorry. I was just enjoying how amazing this place looks." I grin back.

"Yeah… I still just can't believe it actually _exists_." Shaking his head in awe, he tells me.

"It really does look great, guys." Some random guy in Axel's 'crowd' tells us. I think his name's George. But it may be Jerry.

My red-head smiles at George/Jerry. "Thanks."

"Hey! Axel!" A voice calls out from several hordes of people away.

Sighing, Axel waves at the direction of the voice before leaning towards my ear. "I gotta go talk to some more people, okay babe? I'll catch up with you in a few minutes."

I simply nod. Although I'm slightly annoyed.

"Great. Love you." He states with a wink before he disappears.

I sigh, thinking about how I'd like to actually _see_ him once in a while. But I know we're both busy and it's just how things are. No big deal. I'm much clingier than I should be. To give myself something to do, I walk around the gallery for the next hour or so - mingling with people and just looking everything over for the nine hundred thousandth time.

One of my photographs reminds me of Riku for some odd reason. It's dark and I can't remember anything I was thinking or feeling when I took it - it just looks sad. A tree and an empty bench in a public park during a Winter night - that's all it is. But whenever I see it I just think of him and I can't figure out why.

I hadn't seen Riku since that day at The Kingdom years ago. From what I heard from Yuna - she had heard from an old friend that Riku had married that brunette kid with the natural looking tan. I could care less, personally - I just hoped Riku was treating his husband right and really, truly, honestly had gotten help. It seemed that was exactly the case though, Yuna's old friend talked to Sora and Riku quite often and she always reported to Yuna that they were happy every time she saw them.

Good for them.

I did feel a little bitter as I thought about all the horrid nightmares I had the first several months after Riku tried to _kill_ me, the medication, and the _therapist - _but I reminded myself it was over. It had been over for a couple years. I was okay. I had survived. Now I was living my happily ever after. Although, Lulu's number was still in my phone in case anything ever happened again - and my doctor still made me get check ups once a month. And I can't forget things… the memories that leave deep scars on everything I do. Sometimes something will brush against one of the scars and then I'm reminded of the pain I once felt and I can't stop thinking about it - just like I'm doing now. Rambling on in my head.

I sit on the couch again. I've claimed it in my mind as "my spot". People are finally starting to file out and I relax a little bit. I'm sick of people talking to me and telling me how great my photos are and how the place turned out - I'm glad and everything, I just feel exhausted. I'm getting old.

"Roxasss!" A feminine voice calls out. It reminds me of Yuna, but I know Yuna isn't at the gallery - her almost three year old kid sucks up all of her money and time these days so she just can't afford to visit at the moment, which I understand.

"Oh, Hey Olette!" I grin.

"Gosh, your boyfriend did such a sweet job with everything. Did you know the local paper just took his picture? They should have had you do it, huh?" My old boss winks. I haven't worked at the library since I graduated college.

"That's cool. And nah - I have my own job to do."

"You seem tired." She tells me as she plops on the couch next to me.

I nod. "Exhausted."

"I'm sure Axel is too. I just saw him a little while ago. He asked me where you were. Before I could tell him I didn't know - he got practically suffocated by a mob of people who wanted to talk to him, tell him goodbye and how much they liked the place. Then I ran into you just now."

"Yeah, poor guy hasn't been able to do so much as sit down. I'm glad everyone's leaving. Finally." I smiled tiredly. "I mean, I'm so thrilled that he got his dream and that everything's turned out perfect it's just that ever since all this started…"

"You guys don't see each other much?" Olette asks me softly.

"Bingo. I mean… I know I'm just clingy but it's like we barely talk besides 'Hi' 'Bye' and 'Talk to you later'. We don't even go to bed at the same time or wake up at the same time." I tell her, feeling a little stupid.

"Well, he adores you. It should start calming down after tonight right?" She plays with her brown curls.

"Mhm." I run my hand through my hair. "Should be."

Olette tapps my knee. "Don't worry about it, kid. Tell him to make some damn time with you this week. I'm sure he'll be a hundred percent up for it." She beams and stands up. "Gotta run, kiddo."

"Bye." I wave as she leaves. I realize I'm alone in the room now, though I can hear talking outside still. I feel so, so tired.

I rest my hand on the arm of the couch and close my eyes. Just for a minute.

* * *

I feel fingertips rubbing my arm and I know exactly whose they are. "Hey… Roxy… Babe, wake up." Axel whispers quietly.

I'm a little disoriented and I give myself a second to think before I realize where I am. Guess I didn't just close my eyes for a minute. It's quiet and as far as I can tell - Axel and I are the only ones in the gallery. The window tells me it's sometime in the late evening.

"Hey…" I rub my eyes. "Sorry. I can't believe I did that."

Axel's sitting next to me, still rubbing my arm. The contact makes me feel oddly giddy.

He chuckles. "I don't blame you. It's been so exhausting lately." He pulls his hand off my arm and leans back against the couch, throwing his hand over his eyes. "I let you sleep for like an hour while I closed and cleaned everything up."

"You must be ten times more tired than I am." I say.

"Oh, I'm fine. But I'll definitely sleep well tonight." My boyfriend laughs melodically. "So guess what? Almost all my students were here today."

"That's awesome. I guessed most of the teenagers were your kids." I give him a genuine smile. "I'm so proud of you, Axe."

My red-head blushes a bit. "I couldn't have done it without your help." He reaches out and rubs my cheek gently. I lean into his touch.

"I missed you." He says quietly. He knows I know what he means.

"I missed you too." I chuckle lightly.

Simply smiling at me, Axel says nothing and just keeps rubbing my cheek. I force myself to say something else because I don't want to fall asleep again.

"I remember when you first started painting that picture." I tell him, gesturing to the one in front of us. The one of the wilting rose. The one he was painting when I first started staying at his house.

"…Yeah…"

"It's gorgeous."

"You always said you liked that one the best… that's why whenever I see it I think of you." He states. His hand moves from my cheek into my hair.

"I've been thinking a lot about the past tonight." I confess.

"The past?" He wants details.

"Yeah… like… everything that happened four years ago. Everything that happened before then, and after then…" Swallowing, I clarify what I mean. "I'm just… glad how everything turned out."

"Is that so?" Axel teases.

I nod with a smile.

"You're happy?" He asks, pretending to sound shocked and appalled.

I giggle a bit. "Yes. I couldn't be happier."

Axel looks at me and he looks like he's about to laugh. I don't really have the slightest clue what he could be thinking about. "Nothing could make you happier?"

I blink. "…Noo."

"You sure, babe?" My boyfriend has a teasing tone again. I have no idea what he could be thinking of.

"I'm sure… Why are you looking at me like that?"

Taking his hand out of my hair and using it to push his own hair back, he bites his lip and smiles. He continues raking his slender fingers through his hair. "What, I can't look at you?" He chuckles. "You really can't think of _anything_ that could make you happier?"

"…N..ooo?" I tell him, sounding extremely unsure now.

I have no idea what he's playing at. "Waait, does that mean you're not as happy as you could possibly be?"

A laugh escapes Axel's perfect lips. "Weeeellll…"

I look at him like… _I can't believe you._

He laughs again. "Let's see. I have a great job as a high school art teacher…"

"Uh-huh."

"I have an amazing art gallery that I just opened up…"

"Uh-huhhh."

"I have awesome best friends." He means Demyx, Tidus, and Yuna. Demyx was in love with him once, but they had since patched things up. Now Demyx is with some foreign dude named Xigbar who got cut in the eye by a knife during a fight once and now has to wear an eye patch. Pretty spiffy.

"Go on…"

"I have a big, affordable apartment with a decent landlord and I don't feel even slightly pressured to spend loads of money on a house…"

I roll my eyes and don't continue egging him on.

"I have my baby…" He pauses. "I've had it since I was just a teenager and I never wash it because it looks good all muddy - my truck that is."

I glare at him and I see him try to refrain from laughing.

"Oh… yeah, I almost forgot. I _also_ have this amazing boyfriend…" Axel leans over and kisses me on the lips briefly. "He's sweet, he's adorable, he's my best friend…" He kisses me again and I feel all fuzzy. "So what _is _it that's keeping me from being the happiest guy on the planet?"

My boyfriend's voice is still teasing, so I play along. "I don't know - humor me." I say to him.

He takes my hand and just kind of plays with it as he speaks. "It has a little something to do with my boyfriend…"

"What did I do?" I question, although I'm not worried - he's still acting silly.

"Nothing yet, babe." Axel smiles sweetly. "You see… it's just… that… my boyfriend… he's so perfect… that I want him to be _more_ than my boyfriend…"

…What?

The red-head smirks. He continues holding my hand with one of his as he reaches into his pants pocket.

He pulls a little black box out and I freeze up. I'm unable to think coherently.

"Rox, I love you… and I want to be with you forever…" A chuckle escapes him and he sounds nervous. He pops the box open with one finger and I see a simple, silver wedding band in it. "I've been waiting for the right moment... And don't worry." He adds, "I made sure it wasn't too gay." He chuckles nervously, referencing to the ring.

I let out a shaky laugh that sounds like a dying animal and my face feels hot.

"Will you marry me?" My own, personal cheese ball asks me simply.

It's not expected… not in any way. I never thought about us getting… married… of all things. But the ring's in front of me, Axel's pleading and perfect face is in front of me. It's just as real as the art gallery we'd only ever seen in our minds - he wants me to marry him. _Marry _him.

I nod like a bobble head. "Y-yeah. I mean… yes. I…" My vision blurs and I feel tears trickle down my cheeks. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting that. But… of course, Axe." I feel like a babbling idiot. I _am_ a babbling idiot.

Axel rubs the side of his hand against my face, wiping off the tears. "Really?" He asks me softly.

"Yes…" I breathe.

He leans forward and kisses me with the lightest pressure as I feel him slip the ring onto my finger. I sigh into his mouth when I feel how perfect it fits. I speak against his lips, "I love you."

He replies by kissing me more passionately. He slides the empty box back into his pocket and wraps his arms around my waist, while I place mine gently behind his neck. I pull him completely on top of me as I lean back into the couch.

I focus on us kissing for a long time. I'm in utter bliss. I can't stop thinking about the fact that he asked me to marry him.

"So I was thinking…" He starts with a little pant after pulling away. "Maybe just a little thing? With just us - nothing fancy?"

"I was hoping you'd say that." I tell him.

My…fiancé grins at me. Whoa. That sounds good, doesn't it?

"So can you officially say you're the happiest guy on the planet, now?" I ask in a teasing voice.

Axel smiles and his acid green eyes lock with mine. "Absolutely." He says, kissing me again.

I can't wait to call Yuna.

* * *

**Fin.**

**They lived Happily Ever After.**

**Yay.**

**So… this was cheeeeeeseeeeyyy. But that's how I roll. Also, not that this has anything to do with anything - but I just chopped all my hair off. Why? No idea. -is an idiot-**

**What did y'all think? Yay or nay? Please leave a review. I had fun writing this story and I'm sad to part with it but I should probably finish Promises of Summer. Shouldn't I? I started it May of last friggin year. Hahah. **

**Anyways… I may cry. This is really over! -sob- REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!**

**xox Rose**


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